fandomtownies | Luke's, Saturday

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Luke's, Saturday

There was mistletoe in the diner today. And no amount of rock salt, fire, or holy water got it to go away. Dean had tried. Oh, how he'd already tried.

Which would be why it was slightly singed while stalking him.

Freaking holidays.

Specials
Egg Nog Pancakes
Green Eggs and Lamb
Candy Cane Bread Pudding

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While he continued in his efforts to kill the mistletoe.

Mistletoe free.

Stop sucking, phone.

Kaidan had been coming in for a sandwich, but...

"Uh... you okay?"

"Oh, I'm just peachy."

The mistletoe fluttered it's dumb leaves excitedly at the newcomer.

Kaidan didn't... entirely succesfully... repress a laugh.

"You, uh. Need some help with that?" he asked. "I can make a knife..."

You shouldn't have downloaded the vacuum app.

"Oh, I've tried," Dean replied, looking a little manic.

I DO WHAT I WANT.

"What did you do?" Kaidan asked, pragmatically.

And completely unaware that another branch of mistletoe was pulling into its attack form.

"Set the thing on fire."

Hence it taunting him by doing the 'I'm not touching you!' thing at him. Or because it had ideas.

"No, I mean, to make them--"

The mistletoe launched itself away from the wall like an ICBM and struck Kaidan straight... in the butt.

"Jesus!"

Which made Dean snicker. Because he was a jerk like that. "It's actually not so bad anymore."

It would be his turn shortly enough.

Kaidan reached down to yank at the thing embedded in his right buttock (being briefly grateful it hadn't gone for a few inches left) but it wouldn't come loose. "What the hell?!"

Yeah, he was still stuck on that.

"Dude, don't look at me. Mine was just being obnoxious."

And if this was a more musical day, the Jaws theme would be playing right now as his mistletoe prepared for an assault of its own.

Heh. Assault.

Oh shut up, Dean's narrative.

"Aggressive mistletoe," Kaidan said flatly. "What the hell is wrong with this island?"

"So, so much."

Which is when Dean's face was attacked by the mistletoe. Because it was his best feature, after all. "THE HELL?"

"Jesus!"

Again. Stop invoking the son of God, Kaidan. "Are you okay?!"

"Do I look okay?!" Dean, that was uncalled for.

He was tugging at the damn thing to dislodge it before anything worse could happen.

"Well, can you breathe?" Kaidan asked, scrutinizing Dean's face.

At least he'd forgotten about his butt.

"For now." Be more morose, Dean.

He really preferred when Kaidan was the one being assaulted by the mistletoe, man. "The hell is wrong with them?"

"I don't know," Kaidan admitted. "Some weird Fandom-wide plot to... I don't know... encourage-- stuff?"

Yes. Stuff.

DAMN STUFF.

That would not be acknowledged if Dean could help it. "Well, it can consider me discouraged."

"I'm not exactly rearing to go either," Kaidan added.

Dean sighed. "This shit better go away soon."

SO SOON.

"I feel so violated by a plant."

"You feel violated?" Kaidan asked. "It's on my-- you know. I need that to sit on."

"It's on my face! Christ, I know where this shit ends. I've seen enough Japanese porn."

Yeah. Dean and his Japanese porn. God bless canon.

... Kaidan's eyebrows knotted together. "Uh, you don't think... no, that's not going to happen."

He hadn't seen any Japanese porn, but he'd seen plenty of asari porn.

"It's on your ass." See where this is going?

"It's not going to--"

Splutter. Splutter.

"What? No."

"It's some messed up mistletoe." That needed to be killed with fire.

"Maybe it's just the island telling you to kiss my ass," Kaidan muttered.

"...walked right into that one," Dean admitted.

Kaidan shook his head. "I'm going to get out of here before this happens again," he announced, turning around.

That was just asking for trouble.

"You think more will show up?" Oh god, this was totally going to end up like Japanese porn.

"Probably," Kaidan said.

He walked towards the d--

A chunk of mistletoe plastered itself all over his chest. "Oh, for god's sake--!"

"I'm calling Bobby," Dean muttered, going for one of his many cell phones before having another mistletoe latch onto his leg. "Sonnovabitch."

"Do you have a closet in here?" Kaidan asked. "I don't know. Some small room with a door."

Ah, hell no.

"Why?"

"Because these things act like projectiles," Kaidan pointed out. "So... projectile-free room? Maybe?"

"...you want us to be in a small room with this shit happening?"

He'd totally seen hentai that started this exact way. And that was not cool, Kaidan.

"... I was just going to go in the small room by myself," Kaidan said. "...Though that sounds bad."

"We have a walk in cooler." If you're willing to hike through it...

"How big is it--?"

"There are sherpas inside." Yeah.

"I think I'm just gonna go home," Kaidan said after a moment.

"Good idea. I'm gonna contact Bobby to see if there's a way to kill this suckers."

Hopefully in a violent manner.

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Luke's, Saturday

Talk to Dean

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