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The Preserve - Tuesday Afternoon

Liz couldn’t help but feel rather nervous about this training session since she had only done one proper training session since she had been back in Fandom and that was before everything had happened with Travis and the time loop but she figured with the much cooler weather today that there should be less risk of setting anything else on fire and she could concentrate on working towards getting her powers under control.

She knew this was something she needed to do though, she needed to get her powers under control and this was definitely a good step for that, especially if she could do in a way that wouldn’t hurt anyone.

She got to the Preserve that afternoon as she had arranged and tried to not be so nervous as she waited.

 [for Steven (and Marc) but the Preserve can be open!]

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Steven wasn't entirely sure what someone was expected to bring to a training session. So he'd made a couple of educated guesses and run some errands about town to get them. After which he went to the Preserve to track down Liz.

Spotting her, he called out, "Hello, Liz!" and waved with the hand that wasn't holding his shopping bag.

“Steven hi,” Liz smiled when he called her name out and she walked over to him, “did you have you have any trouble finding the preserve?”

"No, no. You in it, a bit, but found you. Obviously." Steven looked for a place to put down his bag. "Wasn't sure if I should bring anything so I thought snacks? Trail mix, water - ah, bottled. For drinking, I mean. Oh! and - "

Steven fished in the bag for the item he was proudest of. Or he hoped would be the one he could be proudest of. That was never a sure thing when you had a wonky memory.

He pulled out a plastic container and presented it to Liz. Inside was a cupcake from J,GOB. "Ta da! For when it all goes right. You can celebrate. Mint chocolate. That was the one you liked, yeah?"

Liz hadn’t even thought of anything like that when she had come up to the preserve, she had been too nervous with the thought of properly using her powers again.

She stared at the cupcake in surprise and then up at Steven and smiled, “I …um …thank you?” wishing that didn’t sound so much like a question, “I…I mean yes, mint chocolates my favourite…” her voice trailed off, “I didn’t um …get anything for you,” she admitted.

Steven didn't see why that would be a problem. "No it's all right, I got one for myself as well. It's got a V on the box. For vegan."

Even Steven had to acknowledge someone probably wouldn't eat a vegan mint chocolate cupcake if the real thing was an option for them.

“Oh…it…thank you, that was really nice of you” Liz said again, still wishing she wasn’t feeling so awkward about this, “then it’s an extra incentive to make sure training does go well, right?” then winced, it had definitely sounded better in her head.

"It will," Steven said. Granted he had no way of knowing that for sure but he was an optimist by nature. "Even if it doesn't that's what practice is for, isn't it? But it'll be great, I know it."

Liz smiled at that and relaxed a bit, “I know it’s been a while since I last had a training session,” she admitted, “so it feels a bit weird to be doing this again, especially after …well everything that happened last year, I sometimes still can’t believe I’m even back in Fandom after …well…” she hesitated, she knew she should tell Steven what he was getting himself, especially with the unpredictable and destructive nature of her powers but it was something she was still scared of revealing.

Steven certainly understood being nervous about sharing. He was standing there by himself after all. Picking up on Liz's hesitation, he said, "If you want to share that's all right. If you don't that's all right too. I know it can be hard if you're not ready."

He knew that very well, in fact. On several levels.

“I … you deserve to know, especially if you’re going to be helping me train, that this could be dangerous …” Liz took a deep breath, “um … I’ve killed people with my powers, a lot of people …because I haven’t been able to control them,” she wasn’t sure if that was the best place to start but at least it would give her an idea to how Steven would react to that bit of information.

Steven's expression instantly became sober. "Oh, Liz, I'm sorry. That's so much for you to carry on your own. But lost control - that's an accident. You know that, right? Not your fault."

Steven wasn't ignoring the importance of the loss of life she'd mentioned. It was just, well, he had experience with conversations like this before. With the person listening in from inside his head, for example.

Liz had been told as much when she had told Dr. Lecter and Prompto but living with the guilt was still something she was working on, “it’s …it’s the first time it happened I was 14 …I …I destroyed the apartment block I lived in with my family … I …they …my parents and younger brother also died in that fire it was why I was sent to Fandom …I …I mean it wasn’t just my family …I ..” her voice trailed as she realised her thoughts were becoming rather jumbled and the last thing she wanted to do was break down crying like she had when she had told Prompto.

At the mention of her younger brother Steven felt a wave of heartbreaking pain that was not his own. For himself Steven couldn't help but wonder if something like fate had put him here in front of Liz for this very reason.

"You were a child," Steven said, softly but firmly. He meant it for Liz but he made sure the words resonated for Marc as well. "Liz, I know - I truly, truly know what it's like to hold that guilt on your shoulders. I'm so sorry you've had to bear it for so long. I'm honored that you shared it with me."

Steven wanted to put a hand on her shoulder or even hug her if she wanted the comfort. But he didn't know if she would even like that, so instead held a hand out to say contact was on offer if she'd like it but no offense would be taken if she didn't.

Liz wouldn’t have minded since the last time she told her story she had ended up sobbing into Prompto’s chest. She tentatively reached out for his hand, grateful for the offer of contact.

“There was an incident last year, well a couple of them,” she finally said, “one was what ultimately led me back to Fandom after all these years … I was on a mission for the agency I worked for, there were reports of demonic activity in the area, it was supposed to be routine mission In Pittsburg, in and out but the team of agents Hellboy …he’s the demon from another dimension,” you know in case it wasn’t obvious with a name like that, “and I were with …were possessed and it triggered my powers … Hellboy and I were the only survivors and because the agency had to be secret I was charged with arson and murder, it was a very public fallout but I pleaded guilty to protect them,” she stopped again, hesitating and then continued, “the charges were eventually dropped but my record …well it’s reads like I’m an arsonist, I …I was going to check myself into a psychiatric hospital but the opportunity to move back to Fandom came up and I took that instead,”

It was here that she stopped again and waited to see what Steven’s reaction would be.

Steven was happy to let Liz take the lead on whatever gave her comfort. If it was holding his hand, he didn't mind in the slightest. He gave a small squeeze when she took it.

As for the rest, well luckily he'd already been primed so that concepts like "demon from another dimension" could comparatively count as the bits he didn't need to focus on.

Psychiatric hospital stood out to him and Marc both, but still Steven wanted be sure he understood the chain of events. "So they took advantage of you? Made you the scapegoat, even after everything you've been through?"

Steven had strong opinions about those in positions of power who took advantage of people with trauma.

Liz took comfort in that squeeze, trembled slightly but steadied herself so she could listen to what Steven was asking, “it …” she had been about to say it wasn’t anything like that but then paused, “I mean … I guess from a PR perspective, it was just easier than coming up with an alternative … “ her voice trailed off since that didn’t sound very convincing either.

She had told herself that she had confessed to everything to protect the BPRD but then it wasn’t like they had exactly discouraged her either but looking at it from that angle, she had just been a convenient scapegoat.

"They had no right to do that to you," Steven said. He tried to keep himself solid so she had something to draw strength from if she needed no matter how upset he was on her behalf. "Bloody hell you'd been possessed. Did no one take care of you? Make sure you were all right? After everything you'd been through - did they even know?"

Liz looked down as she tried to collect her thoughts, which were rather jumbled, "I ... well ...they got the charges dropped?" she tried, glancing back up tentatively, "it was ...everything happened so fast ... no one knew what was happening and there were six agents who were dead ... that ..." her voice trailed off, "they were dead because of me ... " she stopped, "I, I don't remember much of the next few days ... just being in that jail cell," she barely remembered her interview when she'd eventually confessed to what she'd done.

Edited 2022-05-25 06:26 (UTC)

Steven took a breath. There was no denying that her words were resonating with Marc far more than Steven or Marc could've anticipated given the plans for the day. Steven could feel Marc's tension, and warring desires to shut himself away from what he was hearing even as he was keeping his promise to not leave Steven alone for the afternoon.

Luckily Steven had practice being strong enough for more than himself.

"It's all right," he said, gently, meaning it for Marc and Liz both. To Liz he added, "I know a bit about that one. Losing time. It's scary. Sounds to me like you were just trying to keep your head above water, yeah? Survive? Everything you'd been through, must have taken everything out of you to keep breathing."

Steven indicated the ground with his free hand. "Do you need to sit? Don't mind. Came here to change clothes anyway. Grass stains are no bother."

“It’s … every time it happens, you’d think it would get easier but …” Liz hesitated again, “I spent a week in the clinic when I was a student because my powers destroyed an alien space craft after myself and a few other people had been abducted and experimented on…I don’t remember much of that time either,,” she hadn’t meant to tell that story, figuring the other incidents were more than enough but something about what Steven had said losing time made her think back to that event.

Liz took a deep breath, “maybe sitting for a bit wouldn't be a bad idea, sorry I …I didn’t mean to unload everything on you like this,” she said apologetically as she began to lower herself to sit on the ground, “I …it’s taken a long time to to process everything that's happened ... still working on the accepting part but well I guess that's what my therapy sessions are for,” she admitted.

Steven held still long enough for her to brace against him if she needed to lower herself down, then sat beside her. He let her lead on if she wanted to keep hold of his hand now that they were in a new position.

"No, no, please," Steven said. "Truly, Liz, I'm honored. This is so much for you to share. I hope I continue to earn this trust you've placed in me."

Steven had come a long way in terms of understanding what it meant for people to tell him things like this. Particularly in knowing how much strength it took for someone to open themselves up to another, even if it was someone who lived in the same mind.

"I wish I could say acceptance comes easy but I have it on good authority that it doesn't." Steven didn't need a reflection to know that Marc was silently nodding his agreement with that. "All I can do is offer my support, in any way you'd like it. And - and I had things to tell you anyway, so that part's all right too. You needing to talk, I mean."

Even though they were now sitting on the ground, Liz still found that her hand was wrapped around Steven’s, probably a bit more tightly than she intended.

“There’s … there’s only a few people here who know about ...everything that happened, it’s still … talking about it is still new,” she admitted, “moving back to Fandom has helped but I had a …well …I guess you could call it a mental breakdown in January …I was exhausted and not able to sleep, I … I don’t know if you’d heard about the time loop last year?” She paused, “we kept repeating the same day over and over and one of those days I …I ended up losing control and burned the fire station down,” looking back it was rather ironic that of all the buildings in Fandom she could burn it was the Fire Station, “Travis … um he’s one of the fire fighters … he died in that fire and I was arrested …again,” there was another pause, “I mean he’s fine now but I guess having an incident so close to Pittsburg just …I guess it broke me more than I thought it would,” she admitted.

“Being able to have support here has helped … Prompto’s not able to be here all the time, it’s … I guess I got used to him being here and he had to move back home,” and it was going to be a few months before Liz saw him again, not that she knew that, “I ... just being able to have a friend here, definitely helps with that support," she told him.

She tilted her head slightly to look at him, “I’m more than willing to return the favour,” she promised, “when you’d like to tell me, I’m ready to listen,”

"Hadn't heard about a time loop but I do know a bit about losing sleep," Steven said. He gave her hand a light squeeze to let her know she could hold as tight as she needed. "And feeling like you're having a mental breakdown. It was pretty much my life right before I came here. It's what led to me coming here. Same as you, in a way I guess."

Steven sighed. He didn't want to move past everything Liz had said if she still needed to talk but at the same time he was starting to worry it was abusing her trust to not let her know who she was talking to. "I - I could tell you now, if you'd like. I was going to. It, ah, it sort of relates to the training. Didn't feel right having you practice without knowing who you were practicing with."

Liz appreciated that light squeeze and continued to hold on as she nodded, “if you want to tell me now I can listen,” she told him and she looked at him curiously with the way he worded that last bit, “is this to do with the special suit you have?”

"Kind of, yeah." It was possible Steven gave her hand another squeeze out of his own sense of nerves this time. "And me. And Marc."

It doesn't help anybody to draw it out, Marc said inside their mind. Nobody ever says thank you for beating around the bush when it comes to this.

Steven took a deep breath. He braced for Liz to react with anger or pulling away. "Marc who is here. Now. With me."

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The Preserve - Tuesday Afternoon

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