Diaz & Ass.; Monday [04/17].

[died8yearsago]

There was a wee little investigator answering the phones at Diaz & Ass. today, and the woman with her name on the sign was feeling an odd, unfamiliar sense of parental pride as she drank her coffee and fielded hypotheticals at him in between his quippy and incredibly unprofessional phone greetings and the impressive ability to troll telemarkers and scammers when they called in, too.

Not nearly enough of a sense of parental pride to actually be dumb enough to think that maybe this whole parenting thing might not be so bad, but for a weekend every once in a while? With kids as cool as RoboCop here? She could probably handle that.

Just wait until he figured out that she switched his coffee to decaf, though. Fair was fair, kiddo, especially after you tried pulling that vegan burger switch on her on Saturday.

Diaz & Ass. is open!

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[what_the_shock]

Miguel wandered down eventually with more coffee for Rosa if she needed it, and corned beef sandwiches for everyone.

He stood and sipped his coffee for a minute, watching the kid handle the phones. "He's almost as bad at customer service as you are," he noted admiringly. Think he got the occasional fake-sweet thing from me, though."

[died8yearsago]

Rosa didn't need a fake kid hanging around to need more coffee. But it did make the refresher a little more appreciated, if she was honest.

"Come on," she said. "Don't sell yourself short. You can be occasionally real-sweet sometimes, too."

Of course, that was being judged on a scale from Rosa, so....that was a little different from most people's scales.

[what_the_shock]

Miguel snorted. "Not to customers. Or on the phone, if I ever used it." Because that was so twencen. "You keeping a running tally on how many he runs off?"

[died8yearsago]

"Nah," Rosa shook her head a little. "I lost track. But I think he did sell some guy a time share in Acapulco, though."

If Rosa sounded a little impressed, it was because she actually kind of was.

"It's funny, though," she noted. "We don't even usually get all that many phone calls."

They did, actually; she just ignored them all, and RoboCop triumphantly set the phone back down in the cradle after successfully trolling some poor woman who just wanted to hire someone to help her track down her exhusband who left her with so many children and so little funds that they all had to live in a giant shoe, was about to say something along the lines of greeting his father, but then the phone started ringing already again, which he happily seized as he answered with a "Roadkill Roadhouse, you kill 'em, we grill 'em!"

[what_the_shock]

"No promises on tenderness!" Miguel added.

"How much of this are you taping to laugh over later?"

[died8yearsago]

"Oh, I record all the phone calls here," said Rosa. You never knew, when you might need to blackmail an employe--

Uhhh, dig up some important detail with a client. Yeah. That was it.

"I'm thinking maybe of putting it on YouTube, maybe make a few bucks."

[what_the_shock]

"Tell them his name, you could get some really good trolling going from every side," Miguel pointed out.

RC rolled his eyes. "Tell them to suck it!" Even odds if that was related to their discussion or whoever was on the phone.

[died8yearsago]

Either way you looked at it, though, it was endearing a fuck.

"You know," Rosa mused, sounding dangerously fond as she tilted her head thoughtfully following another sip of her coffee, "it's a shame they don't just come ready to go like this. He'd make a great secretary, but definitely not great enough to make it worth having to put up with what actually goes into having a kid."

[what_the_shock]

"Well, part of that's fun," Miguel felt the need to point out. "But yeah, definitely a lot of eugh. Can we just kidnap this one? He's old enough to take care of himself, right?"

[died8yearsago]

"I mean," said Rosa, with a shrug of her shoulders, "I hope so, because I sure as hell haven't been watching him this whole time. He's got all his limbs still, though, so that's a good sign. What is he, like, ten? Eleven?"

Then she realized that he was literally right there.

"Hey, RoboCop," she said, quirking a chin up at him. "How old are you?"

You could feel the eyeroll even through his sunglasses.

"Eighty-five."

Rosa looked impressed. "See?" she told Miguel. "Not only can he take care of himself, but he can pull in Social Security money, too."

[what_the_shock]

"Works for me," Miguel said. "And hey, no extra limbs, either, so that's a win."

"Wait, I could've had extras and I don't?" RoboCop sounded betrayed.

Miguel shrugged. "Always a possibility. My genes are all shocked up."

RoboCop rolled his eyes. "Just say 'fucked', Dad."

[died8yearsago]

Oh no. Rosa did want to keep him.

"I need to get out of here," she realized, quickly throwing back the rest of her coffee and setting the empty mug on her desk, and then reaching for her jacket. "You two hold down the fort."

[what_the_shock]

There came two nearly identical snorts and calls of, "Not likely."

They really were in trouble, weren't they?

"Just remember how the first two years go!" Miguel called after her helpfully.