Infinite Consortium, Monday

[deathsmajesty]

Some days, Liliana opened crates and immediately wished that she had not. Other times it took a few moments and somehow, those were worse. When Liliana first pulled off the lid of the crate, all she noticed was the beautiful crimson silk of the gown. Then the profusion of golden curls. But it wasn't until she had pulled the clockwork figurine from the crate entirely that she realized she would be much happier putting it all back and marking it 'Return to Sender.'

As that was not possible, she had to turn to other ideas. Giving it to Harley, maybe? Making Dean take it? He certainly owed her for holding onto those cursed objects. Feeding it to the chair?

...Well, the latter idea was a bust because as soon as the chair spotted the creature, it was sidling away.

"Coward," she muttered after it. Still, that was enough to put a little starch into Liliana's own spine. Please, she was Liliana Vess. She did not get unsettled by a creepy clockwork figurine; no, she did the unsettling, thank you very much.

Still, she was putting it in the display window quickly and hoping that there was a doll collector on the island that was looking for a very large addition.

Clockwork Droid
An amazing deal at twice the price!

Liliana felt comfortable making that claim as she intended to sell it very, very cheaply.

Comments

[single_man_tear]

Dean had hoped to just walk into the Consortium, get a few items he left behind and leave but that thing in the window deserved commentary.

"Well, look at that. meta for Rosie from The Jetsons took a hard left into nightmare fuel. Who knew housekeeping could be that terrifying?"

[deathsmajesty]

"I have no idea what that means," Liliana said flatly. "Though I am willing to hear you out on the horrors of housekeeping. I assume you're referring to your new coworker?"

[single_man_tear]

"She's working here?" Dean said, pointing at the monstrosity in the window. "Because the for sale sign says otherwise."

Unless Dean walking in here and saying something made Lili change her mind about the whole situation.

[deathsmajesty]

You might be surprised how far Liliana would go for spite.

"Oh sure," she said idly, "but we make so few sales that I have to consider the bottom line here. If she doesn't sell, putting her to work is really the only other option I can think of. You don't expect me to lose money, do you?"

[single_man_tear]

No one is ever surprised about Liliana's level of spite.

Dean looked at Lili, the droid, the chair and then back to Lili.

"Is there an employee discount?" Dean asked.

It was going into the first grave he dug up and getting burned. And he only looked at the chair to make sure it wasn't sneaking up on him.

[deathsmajesty]

"...Yes," Liliana said. "Absolutely there is."

Starting this moment and possibly only extending to the droid, but even so, it would be worth it.

"Twenty-five percent."

The haunted armor groaned. "...Thirty," she amended.

[single_man_tear]

"What if I promise to run it over with my car a few times before I set it on fire?" Dean proposed.

[deathsmajesty]

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about and if I think that you are going to deliberately mistreat the merchandise, of course I'm going to have to refuse the sale," Liliana said, sounding appalled.

While her hands flashed fifty.

[single_man_tear]

"Right. I'll make sure I find a good home for it where it will thrive and contribute positively to our community," Dean said with an eyeroll. "Sold?"

[deathsmajesty]

Look, you could volunteer to be the first against the wall when the clockwork revolution came, but Liliana was a queen of hedging her bets.

"Yes, thank you," Liliana said, quoting him the price and holding her hand out. "You can take possession of this priceless artifact as soon as payment is delivered. Please remember all sales are final and the Infinite Consortium takes no responsibility for...literally anything, honestly."

[single_man_tear]

"You forget I work here?" Dean snarked back as he pulled out... no not that credit card. This one with the name 'Oswald N. Harriet'. "I know our return policy very well."

There was no return policy.

"By the way, I'll be out this week. And I would have been here last week but I was a dog."

Any other place in the universe that excuse would not hold up to scrutiny.

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana didn't even bother to check the name, just swiped and made sure the purchase went through.

...Much like how she didn't even bother to check employee attendance records. Look, she was a very hands-off kind of boss, okay?

Still, she leaned back and raised an eyebrow at him. "Rescuing more ghost friends?"

[single_man_tear]

"Not exactly," Dean said with a shrug. "Got a cross-country freak show lined up. Starting with some heart-exploding freak show in Idaho, a ghost party in Kansas, a bloodsucker making a mess in Wyoming, and, because why not, maybe a furry little werewolf down in Arizona. Guess it’s gonna be one of those weeks. But if I need the gates of Heaven kicked open, I'll give you a call."

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana couldn't help but smirk at that. Fuck you, angels. You and your stuffy little gated party.

"I would expect you to be more excited about such a thrilling week of adventure," she drawled.

[single_man_tear]

Dean frowned and shrugged. "Maybe I just have a case of the Mondays," he said. "To me it's just my job."

This place being his other job.

[deathsmajesty]

Wow, this place ranked second on his jobs? For Liliana, it hovered somewhere around fourth.

Liliana shrugged. "Well, now you have a companion to accompany you on your trip," she said. "Aren't you lucky?"

[single_man_tear]

"Yeah. They'll be really helpful when I get into the carpool lane," he said derisively. "Do they come in a box?"

[deathsmajesty]

"There was the crate?" Liliana suggested. "I don't know if it will fit in your car easily, though."

[single_man_tear]

Dean looked at the Skynet reject and frowned. "I'll just stuff them in my trunk."

He'd remove all the weapons first and pray he didn't get pulled over.

[deathsmajesty]

"I would make sure that you don't let it get any mana," Liliana said. "If it exerts itself, its attacks are unblockable."

Just a little bit of information for you, Dean!

[single_man_tear]

Dean just stood there and stared at Liliana for a moment or two in utter cluelessness.

"So. Don't spill water on it or feed it after midnight?"

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana gave him a look of utter confusion. "How is either of those related to what I said?"

[single_man_tear]

"I don't know. What do manners have to do with activating a robot?"

He's lucky he's pretty.

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana just stared at him for a long minute. She honestly wasn't sure if he was fucking with her or not. "Mana."

[single_man_tear]

There was an equally long minute as Dean started back at her.

"I'm not getting it."

[deathsmajesty]

"...The magic that makes up the basis of my powers and also every single artifact we sell in this shop," Liliana deadpanned. "I taught an entire workshop on it."

[single_man_tear]

"Oh. Magic. Why didn't you just say that?" Dean said with a scoff. "Got it. No mojo near the meta for Skynet reject."

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana really wished she knew red spells. Because hitting Dean with lightning was far less fatal than just...you know...killing him.

"You make me question my commitment to no homicide on the island," she noted.

[single_man_tear]

"You know... I get that a lot from people," Dean said with a nod.

[deathsmajesty]

"Must be your sterling personality," she said. "And atrocious manners, questionable hygiene, poor excuse of a sense of humor, failure to listen..."

She could keep going.

[single_man_tear]

Dean let her keep going as he went behind the counter and grabbed a couple of journals and books he had left behind.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said stuffing them into his duffel bag. "I'll see you next week. Maybe."

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana watched him, brow furrowed. "That's it? Not even going to call me some kind of vampire? Or whatever other bizarre reference only you understand?"

Dean, that was not how your dynamic worked.

[single_man_tear]

"Please. Not in front of the children," Dean said sarcastically gesturing to the chair and the evil monstronsity in the window. "Chairy and Terminatrix shouldn't see their parents fight."

[deathsmajesty]

"Well fortunately, it's Take Your Daughter To Work Day, so Terminatrix will be accompanying you out," Liliana said. "Leaving me with custody of the chair, which is as it should be."

[single_man_tear]

Dean scoffed as he went to the front window and pointed at the robotic atrocity. “Don’t tell your sister about this,” Dean snarked. “Samantha will be very jealous.”

“Please tell the chair I hope it catches on fire.”

[deathsmajesty]

"I absolutely won't," Liliana said, waggling her fingers after him. "Have fun!"

[single_man_tear]

“Say goodbye to your robotic daughter,” Dean said throwing that thing over his shoulder and heading for the door. “You’ll never see her again.”

Which really was the entire point of this conversation.

[deathsmajesty]

Speaking of things Liliana was absolutely not going to do, speaking to the clockwork droid was high on her list.

"Oh and Dean?" she called. "Don't die. I absolutely refuse to kick in the walls of heaven for you."

[single_man_tear]

“Yeah, that’s all right,” Dean called back. “If I’m stupid enough to die I deserve it.”

And then made a messy exit as the door kept getting caught on the droid’s hair.