fandomtownies | Outside the Apple [conversation locked to Inara and Rogue; anyone can see her outside]

Current Mood: scared

Outside the Apple [conversation locked to Inara and Rogue; anyone can see her outside]

Rogue looks distinctly uncomfortable--if it's even Rogue, that is. She's wearing a long, dark green hooded jacket that covers most of her body, and the hood is pulled up over her eyes. She knocks politely on the door, hoping to God no one sees her.

[[Mun is headed home, may be back on appx 7 US Central. If not, can we slowplay?]]

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*opens door*

Hello? Can I help you?

"Um, I have an appointment with Inara? She said there was a room in the Apple where we could talk?" Rogue's accent is very thick, indicating her nervousness.

Inara appears at the sitting room door.

"Ms. D'Acanto? Please come in." She turns to Sebastian. "Thank you, Sebastian."

She leads the way into a sitting room, large and neatly furnished, comfortable but not intimidating. Already, it's started to bear signs of her recent counselling: her preferred wrap draped over a chair, the tea cups in the corner.

Inara allows the girl to take a seat where she wishes, closes the door and asks, "Would you like a drink?"

Rogue follows Inara in. She takes off her green coat, leaving on the gloves, and drapes it over the back of the comfortable chair she chooses. She sits on the edge, looking nervous.

"Yes, ma'am, if you have tea, I'd take some." Rogue notices the teapot, and though she prefers it iced, maybe the warmth will calm her down a bit.

Inara pours tea in a traditional Chinese tea ceremony, giving the young woman time to look around her at the room and the furnishings and calm herself down.

"It's jasmine tea," she explains as she hands the cup over, careful not to dip her sleeves in her own cup.

She sips the tea and gives the girl the peace to collect her thoughts, drink her tea, and explain the purpose of her visit.

Rogue silently drinks the tea, wondering where exactly she should start. "I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?" she asks, more of herself than of Inara.

"I grew up in a very Catholic, conservative family, in a very small town." Rogue pauses, hoping that translates into Inara's world the way she hopes. "When I was 15, I was.. well, I had my first kiss, and almost killed him." She pauses, looking at her gloves. "It wasn't on purpose, mind you. I-- I'm a mutant, you see, and when I touch people, I kind of ... suck them out. Memories, personalities, special powers, they all go in my head. And it's not really pleasant for the other person."

She pauses, and takes another sip. "My papá kicked me out, and I ran away. I was almost killed, twice, and ended up with two other people in my head, permanently." She looks at Inara, almost scared. "I didn't kill them! And it wasn't my fault, actually, both of them almost killed me. One was an accident, though," she adds, quickly. "He didn't mean to."

She takes a deep breath, staring into her teacup. "I ended up here after some more stuff happened, and one of my teachers died, and I saw it. Then my boyfriend, a new one, at the school, he dumped me because he was in love with someone else. Another boy." The last two sentences are filled with anger and hurt. "Bastards," she mutters.

She tries to compose herself. "And, well, now, I--I'm really bad at relationships. I can't touch people, I'm screwed up upstairs, and I ... think I might be half in love with a girl, and I don't know who's in love with her, me, or Logan and Erik. Or one of them." She furrows her brow, and looks down at her hands. "I'm just so confused."

Inara reminds herself of the old adage that there are more things in heaven and earth than are encompassed in her own 'verse's philosophies.

She considers what to say.

"Marie - may I call you Marie? Leaving aside the question of how you good you think you aren't at relationships, how much of what you do on a daily basis is you as compared to these...other people in your head?"

Rogue pauses, never really having thought about that before. "Um, well, this past week, I had, um, psychic blocks put in, so it's just me. And I think that, for the most part...it was always me." She cocks her head. "Unless I let them take over--which I don't often--then they mostly just make comments." She smirks, "My very own internal peanut gallery."

"It must get noisy in there sometimes," Inara smiles, imagining other people in her head, reacting to her actions.

"So, other than the commentary, they're not the ones dictating what you do? Are there any situations where these other take over you - or doesn't it work that way?"

Rogue fidgets. "It can. Sometimes, if I'm ... extremely stressed, or upset, they can ... I'm more suseptable to their suggestions, I guess. They don't so much take over then, just...suggest." She sighs. "But it's not even that. I know I've absorbed some of their personality traits into mine, even now that they're gone, I can see it. Things I never used to do, like rub my nuckles when stressed, or tap my fingers on the table." She looks at Inara. "I think the little things bother me the most."

[[OOC: Player is on dial-up tonight, and is apparently missing emails. Sorry for slow replies.]]

"It's the little things that we notice," Inara says. "And we pick up habits from many places. Turns of phrases, gestures of hand and body, even the way we stand. Humans everywhere adopt and adapt - your abilities just speed up that process and the key is contact, not proximity.

"Are you specifically worried that your romantic likes and dislikes might be influenced by them? Or is this loss of yourself and your own personal identity more of a concern to you?"

Rogue listens to Inara, thinking she has a very valid point. Maybe the knuckle thing was from spending so much time with Logan.

"I think...I think they're tied together. I ... I'm afraid that I'm not the same person that I used to be. And that that's the reason I'm ... I'm attracted to... to the people I am." Rogue skirts the issue; her mother taught her there are things one just doesn't say in polite company. "I just don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to finally find who I am, and end up hurting her."

"Marie, there's nothing wrong with not being the same person that we used to be. People change. Life changes us. And what we look for in the people around us changes as time passes."

Inara wonders whether she should discuss her own background. She decides against it. This isn't about her, this is about her client.

"I think you'll find that if you ask older people - people who have many years of experience behind them - that they'll tell you they've changed through the years. Events have changed them, people have influenced them, and they're not the same person they were a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade ago.

"And I'm fairly sure they'll also tell you that we can't live life in fear of the mistakes we make. There will be mistakes and pain and hurt: that's a part of life as much as joy and triumph and pleasure.

"We will hurt people - people we love; and they will hurt us. It's a part of our humanity to be broken and yet try to connect with each other. And you only stop being human when you stop trying to connect with others."

She looks at the young woman and contemplates what she's been told.

"This may sound a little cliche, but...you are who you decide to be. There are some things you may not be able to control - some reactions that will not be your own. But how you choose to act or not act will be your own decision if you let it. It sounds as though it'll be more difficult for you because of the other...personalities in your head, but that doesn't mean it won't be your own."

You are who you decide to be. They were words Rogue hadn't heard since her junior high English class, and she'd forgotten it completely. She lets what Inara has said sink in, sitting in silence for several minutes.

"So," she offers tentativly, "you think I...really do know what I want." It's almost a question, but not quite. "That somewhere inside me is me, and...I just need to hold onto that." She looks at Inara, a new light in her eyes. "I think I understand. I need to stop bein' such a baby and own myself."

She looks a little concerned. "I haven't been myself for two years; I don't know if I remember how," she whispers.

"Then take things slowly. Work out which reactions are yours and which aren't - or, work out which reactions you're willing to take on as your own and which ones you're not.

"As you said, you can own yourself. We are who we decide to be as much as who we are made to be."

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Outside the Apple [conversation locked to Inara and Rogue; anyone can see her outside]

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