fandomtownies | The Perkolator

Leaving her sixth voicemail on Chloe's phone in five minutes, Jake finally paused infront of the Perkolator. Breathing deeply, she walked inside, placed her order at the counter and walked to her regular table by the back to nervously eye the door. What the hell was I thinking?

Duce walks into the Perkolator and groggily heads up to the counter to order six shots of espresso in a cup with sugar. The barrista gives her a strange look, but accomodates the caffeine request. When her drink arrives, Duce doctors it some more at the condiment bar, adding honey and more sugar, until she has what looks like a coffee syrup. Taking a sip, her eyes nearly pop out of her head and she becomes instantly more alert, "Oh yeah. That's the stuff."

Turning to leave, she spots Jake looking panicked, and tilts her head. "Jake? You ok?"

"Dress!" Jake yelps in return, waving her over. "You're a girl-type person, right?"

Duce pulls out the neckline of her shirt and peers down at her clevage before answering, "Yes." She inquires, "Dress?"

Chloe heads into the Perkolator and takes a quick look around, figuring that if Jake is as stressed as she sounded on the phone, she'd head straight for the best source of caffeine.

"Thanks for the voicemail bomb," she teases, going over to Jake and Duce. "So what's this business about a dress?"

"Ohthankgodyou'rehere!" Jake says in one breath, clutching her coffee in relief. Her eyes are very big and a little panicked. "I need a dress. Like, an awesome dress." She waved her hand around, almost smacking Duce's snakes. "I'm going to the Homecoming. There needs to be a dress."

Chloe backs away a little, her eyes widening as well. "Whoa. Slow down. You're going to Homecoming? I mean, not that you wouldn't go, since like, everyone is going," she adds, realizing how that first bit sounded. "Did someone ask you?"

Jake mumbled something, turning a little red.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Chloe asks, smirking.

"Krycek asked me, okay," Jake repeats, full on blush now. "So I need a dress, and you need to help me. And get me more coffee. But mostly the dress thing."

Duce smiiiiiiiiirks, and nods, "Then you need a really good dress, with massive amounts of decollatage."

Jake looks blank. "Deco-what?"

Duce gives an example. Tucking her shirt tightly into her pants to bring the neckline down, she crosses her arms under her chest and inhales deeply, creating a disturbingly large amount of clevage. "Battle-chest." is her reply.

"Something to draw Krycek's eyes down, and get them to pop out of his head," Chloe adds.

Blinking rapidly at Duce and then glancing down at her own chest, Jake shakes her head. "No. I think not."

Duce nods firmly, "Jake, do you want to be on the giving or receiving end of the embarassment? You know Krycek's going to tease you to make you blush. You need to pre-empt that by wearing something that will make the blood to his brain flow.. elsewhere. He'll be so busy staring, he won't be able to torment you."

Chloe nods. "And you just said yourself you wanted an awesome dress. I take that to mean that this isn't a simply friendly date to the dance."

"Well, yeah, I mean, no. I mean." Jake looks completely confused. "We talked about it before we fell asleep, and I'm pretty sure he meant, like, date-date. So dress. I mean, if I'm going to be a girl, I might as well be a girl, you know?"

"Before you fell asleep?" Duce's eyebrow ring peeks over the top of her glasses, "So, you've already slept with him?"

"Sure, I was too--NO! God, no! Women! Are your brains ever not in the gutter?" If Jake had been red before, it is nothing against the way she looks now. "I'm going to get more coffee," she says, and escapes quickly, muttering about 'fucking embarrassing, he better damn well appreciate...'

Duce looks at Chloe and sottovoices, "She wanted to."

"Totally wanted to," Chloe agrees. "And honestly, like the minds of guys are ever in the gutter less than ours are."

Duce nods affirmative, "So.. slut her up for the dance?"

Chloe looks back and forth between Jake and Duce. "I think she and Krycek will both thank us later if we do."

Duce nods solemnly, "It's our civic duty to help another female blossom into womanhood."

The serious face is killing her. She laughs, but manages to keep it quiet.

Jake comes back to the table, holding her coffee comfortingly. She sits back down and eyes the suspiciously innocently looking girls. "...What are you up to?"

Duce shakes her head quickly, "Nothing. We're just remembering our first dances."

"I actually haven't ever been to one of these things before," Jake admits. "Um. I attended all boys boarding schools." She looks shifty. "Before I got chucked out for things that totally wasn't my fault."

Duce gives Jake a sympathetic nod. "Was stuck at an all-girls school, with uniforms and everything, once. Sucked. So.. dress?"

"Dress," Jake agrees with a sigh. "Not pink."

Chloe shakes her head, making a face of minor disgust. "Ew, no, not pink. You want to be pretty, but not that girly."

Duce agrees, "Pink is an abomination in the eyes of God and Man." She eyes Jake up, "We're thinking.. something red."

"Definitely red," Chloe adds. "You want something that will draw attention to yourself, in a good way. Pink won't do that."

"...I like red," Jake says cautiously. This doesn't sound so bad. "But what about blue? Or green?"

Duce shakes her head, "Pale skin, dark hair, red dress."

Jake stares at her blankly.

"You'll be absolutely irresistable in red," Chloe says. "It's a good thing, trust us."

Duce tilts her head at Jake again, "And with the long hair, you'll want an updo."

"A what?" Jake wonders if she should just settle for looking blank for the rest of this conversation. She takes a sip of her coffee.

"Updo," Chloe repeats, motioning with her own hair. "You'll want to wear your hair up. Long hair looks better that way, and it'll draw more attention to the neckline of the dress too."

"Oh. And that's good? Right, okay, I'll do that. ...How do I do that?"

Duce concentrate for a moment, and her snakes writhe and twist themselves into a knot going up the back of her head and trailing down her face. Strangely, it doesn't look all that bad. It would, of course, look much better with hair.

"Like that."

"I don't think I can do that," Jake says after eyeing her own bangs for a moment.

Duce nods, "You can. Here. Sit, we'll show you."

"...I am sitting. Hey, what are you doing?"

"Just hold still," Chloe says. "We're teaching you valuable skills here."

"Sit lower, we meant. Slouch with the base of your skull touching the top of the chair." Waiting until Jake does so, Duce deftly and quickly puts Jake's hair in a French knot, using her fingers to comb the bangs backwards into it and leaving only a few wispies framing Jake's face and forehead.

Glancing at Chloe, she asks, "Have a mirror?"

"Yup." Chloe rifles through her bag for a few moments before pulling out a compact, handing it to Jake. "See, it's not that hard at all, and it looks way better than just wearing it down."

Jake stares at her reflection, moving a hand up to touch her hair. "I see what you mean."

Duce nods firmly, "Yes. Were you thinking long or short skirt on the dress?"

"Um," Jake says. "I don't know?"

Chloe looks Jake over for a few moments. "You'll probably want something shorter, to show off your legs. Of course, if you do that, you're going to have to buy heels. Actually...you don't happen to have dress shoes just lying around, do you? You're definitely going to have to buy heels."

Duce nods, eyeing Jake's legs thoughtfully for a moment, "Chloe? Would ballerina-strap-style heels work with a short skirt? We think they might be nice, but .. hrm. Might have to see it."

"What? Whatwhatwaaaait a minute here! Timeout!" Jake holds up her hands in classic time-out position. "Shoes? Heels? What?"

Duce patiently explains, "You need shoes to go with the dress. You can't wear tennies." She thinks for a moment, "And makeup."

Chloe grabs Jake's hands and pulls them down. "Heels make your legs look longer. And ooh, I almost forgot about makeup," she says, eyes widening excitedly.

"But, but, I'll never be able to walk in heels," Jake protests. "And, and make-up?!"

"You have a week to learn, which is more than most girls had the first time they put them on." Duce says ruthlessly, "And yes, makeup! You can't wear a plain face with a fancy dress. It doesn't have to be a lot of makeup, and in fact, it's better if it's subtle, but you will definitely need at least eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, and lipstick."

Glancing at her watch, she looks at Chloe, "Do you have time today? Maybe we should just take her shopping."

The Perkolator

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