fandomtownies | Therapist's Office, 12/02

Paige opened the door, she'd not been in for a while but after the stuff with Sawyer and what Phoebe had said to her yesterday she needed someone objective to talk to.

"Brenda, are you busy right now?"

"Not especially," Brenda says, saving and closing the Web site. "How are you, Paige?"

Paige shrugs, "not too good really, my sister...seems to think I'm hurting myself, but I'm not, not really"

"Why does she think that?"

She takes a deep breath, "me and my boyfriend, we...fight a lot, we love each other and we always work it out, but well I've gone off the rails a little for various reasons, but well I'm back on them now. But she doesn't trust me."

"Okay," Brenda says, writing this down with a worried expression on her face. "It sounds like she might have a reason to be concerned, depending on what you mean by going off the rails. And what do you fight about with him? Is this the same guy you were dating the last time we talked, or someone new?"

"The same guy, James, he gets really jealous and...I found out something about him I didn't want it, but it's all okay now. And as far as going off the rails, well I used to drink a bit too much and...sleep around a little, but like I said that's stopped now."

"Paige, you're 16. Any drinking or sleeping around at your age is a big deal, and it's understandable that it would take time for your sister's trust to be rebuilt. But I'm glad you have the strength to recognize that you might have had a problem."

"What steps are you taking to get over your compulsions? I'm not sure if there are 12-step groups in town."

"Well I'm only with James now so the whole sex thing isn't such an issue now, and as for the alcohol, I have never ending flask of wine that I said I'd give to my sister, and I can't get serves anywhere in town any more so well I guess that'll stop me drinking right?"

"Those are some external controls on the drinking," Brenda says. "But what about internal controls? If you did get access to alcohol -- and we both know it's not that hard to get, come on -- what would stop you from using it to solve your problems?"

"As for the sex -- again, that's using your relationship with James, which is an external control. Suppose you guys break up tomorrow. How do you see your future relationships with men unfolding? I mean, I'm assuming you're straight."

"Well I'm pretty eager to get my life back together, so I'm not planning on drinking any more and as for the thing with James, well we're in love and I trust him so I can't see us breaking up again, but I guess maybe I use sex as a form of comfort, to make myself feel loved, since my parents died I guess I've needed to feel loved, but I do now, James loves me."

"I believe you have only the best of intentions about all of this," Brenda says. "The thing is, addictions don't just go away because you want them to. A lot of people need to hit bottom; I hope you aren't one of them. Hang on for one second."

She goes over to her bookshelves, returning with a thick blue book. (http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm) "This is the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book." It's about drinking, but it's used in groups for all sorts of compulsions. I'm not necessarily comfortable with the Christian overtones, but the basic program has helped millions of people. Including me, actually, so believe me when I say I know what I'm talking about."

"Even if you aren't ready to find a group, please look at the book. It might help you a lot."

She smiles. "Your insight about looking for sex as a substitute for love is pretty good; a lot of people fall into that trap. I'm not going to lay a heavy moral trip on you -- I think sex can mean a lot of things, not all involving commitment. But you need to be aware of why you're doing things."

Paige smiles a little as she takes the book, she was glad she wasn't getting a lecture like Phoebe had given her and it was nice to know Brenda wasn't judging her.

"Thanks I'll do that," she says briefly looking through the book.

"The thing is, I found out something about my future that scared me for a while, something that made me think about how short life was," she looks at Brenda, "That was sort of when I lost it, but well I've had a bit more time to get used to get used to it and I really don't want to have meaningless sex anymore, I never did, I just...wasn't really thinking straight at the time, but being with James has really helped me, we just needed to work on communicating a but better I think."

"Life is short," Brenda says. "Some people go before they even start to realize that. Before they really grow up." Damn it, why is everything still about Nate for me?

"So if you know it already ... you may be on your path."

"You mentioned fighting with James before. What do you think causes your communication issues?"

"he gets jealous, if I even talk to another guy, but he's has a pretty crappy life,it's his way of dealing, I think it's just that he's scared of me running off, he doesn't really have anyone else in his life, so he needs feels like he needs to protect me, but because of what I am I feel the need to protect him, we're working on it though, we're doing okay now."

"Paige, you keep saying you're fine, and then you say things that are ... seriously not fine. It's not okay to be with someone who gets jealous when you even talk to someone; that's a signifier for abuse. And you're already making excuses for him."

She rubs her forehead. "Have you considered taking a break from guys entirely?"

Paige looks pretty much like she's going to cry now, "he'd never hurt me, I know that! And if he so much as tried, well I'm a witch he'd not get very far! I don't want to take a break from him, we need each other."

"So you could use your powers to protect yourself," Brenda says. "That does not sound like a healthy relationship to me."

She realizes she might sound harsh and reaches back, passing a box of tissues over to Paige. "Look. I'm not here to tell you what to do, really. But from all you say, it does sound like your sister was right to worry about you."

"Why do you feel you need James?"

She wipes her eyes "I could use my powers, but I really don't think I'd have to, he wouldn't hurt me, I just know he wouldn't!"

"When everything was going wrong up at school, after I'd been posessed and a lot of people hated me, he was there for me, he always is, he makes me feel safe and loved" she looks up "he needs me too"

"I understand that," Brenda says, deciding to ignore "when I was posessed" for now. "But even if he is there for you, he still needs to treat you with respect, as you do him. Do you feel there is respect in your relationship?"

She nods slowly, she felt there was more repect between them than there had been with her and Geoff.

"we're equals, yeah he repects me and the fact I'm a witch doesn't bother him, which is good. I do trust him." she shes softly

"Then that's a start," Brenda says. "The next step is letting him get to trust you on things like talking to other guys, and finding ways to resolve differences without fighting."

"You might suggest couple's counseling to him, if he would be interested."

She nods "yeah I'll talk to him again make sure he knows how I feel, as for the counseling, well I'll mention it, but I'm not sure how keen they'll be."

"From what you say, he doesn't sound like the type. The ones who really need it sometimes aren't," Brenda sighs. "But do that and read the book, and call me when you need me again, okay? Our time is about up."

She was definitely right about him not being the type, but he might do it, for her.

"Yeah I'll read it, promise" she says standing up to leave

"See you later, Paige. Take care of yourself."

She smiles, "I try! Thanks Brenda,"

Maia came in quietly and sat down on the chair opposite of Brenda.

"Hi, Maia. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah I did thank you. Did you? I am sorry that I didn't invite you to dinner, once I was there I realized that I had forgotten to invite you." She looked down at her hands feeling guilty for not thinking about the fact Brenda may have been alone for the holiday.

"That's really sweet," Brenda says. "I went back to L.A. to see my daughters and the rest of the family. My Maya was a little sick, so I ended up staying a couple extra days," she says, a guilty expression crossing her face before she composes it into the professional mask again. They're fine with Ruth, she reminds herself.

"I take it you didn't make it back to Seattle?"

Maia shifted nervously "Uh no I didn't. Diana had to work so, didn't want to sit at the apartment alone all day you know." Maia sighed "I am going home for Christmas though."

Brenda nods in sympathy. "Holidays alone are absolutely no fun," she says. "What else is going on with you? I know last time we talked you were having some problems with your powers. Has that stuff worked itself out?"

Maia shrugged a little. "They slowed down a little bit but with the holidays.." Maia stared off into space for a moment "With the holidays it gets really intense. I usually take sedatives during the holidays to just get through them. I- well I decided not to do that this year."

"I guess all the emotions floating around could make things intense for you," Brenda says. "All the suicides, too." She grimaces.

"Why did you decide to skip the sedatives? Do you have an alternate coping plan?"

"I am going to ask some friends to come stay with me. One of my friends, Chiana, well when she's around me, it sort of makes everything else fuzzy and I don't have to see as much you know." Maia sighed "I get tired of not being able to have a normal life at the holiday because someone kills their lover or someone beaths their child and I see it you know."

"It's almost like you're a cop, or a -- funeral director, with seeing the worst humanity can offer," Brenda says. "Only those people choose their lives, mostly. You didn't."

"I hope your friends can help you."

Maia looked up at Brenda, she understood. She understood. Maia said that over and over again to herself. "People tell me all the time that they understand but they really don't. They just think I should be at their beckon call to tell them what lottery numbers to pick or who they are going to date. They think I should be exploited for their own personal gain only to be angry when I revealed their fears, insecurities and their nightmares." Maia tilted her head "You understand though." Maia sounded impressed.

Brenda smiles. "I know something about having a gift other people want to exploit," she says dryly. "Plus? It's my job to understand whatever people throw at me. But thank you anyhow."

Maia smiled "Your welcome." Maia bit her lip "What do you do?"

Brenda groans internally. "This does not leave this room," she says. "That said? Basically, I test really, really well. If you read that book Charlotte, Light & Dark -- and it seems like every third teenage girl who thinks she's special and misunderstood has -- it's about me. It's wrong, but it's about me."

"So nothing as interesting as what you do, but I know the general feeling."

[OOC: If you don't know her show, she has a genius-level IQ and the book was written by psychiatrists studying her when she was 13 or so. She doesn't like it much, not least because she was trying to screw with the doctors by doing things like barking instead of talking and they didn't realize it. On the show, the book is pretty well-known; you can decide if it is or isn't in Maia's world.]

Maia's eyebrow raised "I know that book, Diana got it for me." Maia frowned "They never get it right do they?" She sighed.

"Nope. So don't get disappointed waiting for me to bark, or only eat green foods for a week, or whatever else is in that book." Brenda shakes her head, clearly pushing the subject aside.

"I have to say, Maia, it does seem like things are going better for you now than they were last time we talked."

Maia laughed "Yeah Diana asked me if I wanted green jello with dessert for like a week, I finally realized she had read the book to and was trying to understand me." Maia shook her head and laughed again.

At the second half of Brenda's statement Maia smiled and blushed a little "Yeah I- well I have somebody sort of and well it helps keep me grounded a little. She makes things sort of fuzzy you know like I said before. When she's there, like at night, the dreams and stuff aren't so intense."

"Sounds like a good relationship," Brenda says. "I'm happy for you. What do you mean that she makes things "fuzzy," though?"

Maia thought for a moment, "Well, sort of makes them faraway from me instead of right up close. I see things, like a movie screen, it plays up in front of me. When Chiana is around and I focus on her and just her, the movie screen projection gets dim. I mean at times things come flying in but the mumbled garble that is my everyday images get dim." Maia thought for a second "Like seeing a film that is projected by candlelight and not those big fancy projectors type thing. Thats how its fuzzy."

Brenda listens to the explanation, taking notes. "I don't quite understand how your powers work, but that sounds like a good thing for you, anyhow."

"Do you want to set up an appointment for next week, or are you pretty much good with occasional appointments for now? I'm usually around."

Maia looked thoughtful for a few moments, "I think occasional is good. I think, I think I am doing good you know." Maia smiled a real smile almost of relief "Yeah." She stood to leave "Its ok Brenda, sometimes I don't know how they work either, every now and then, I don't see anything at all." She headed to the door. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Maia. See you and take care."

Therapist's Office, 12/02

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