Sunday Mass

[prof-cregg.livejournal.com]

Ladies and Gentlemen - few would deny
that the Catholic Church has fallen behind somewhat
in the times. Catholicism usually strikes the
average person as an old-fashioned remedy for the
ills - both moral and psychological - of a society
that has since left it's stringent rules and ornate
rituals on the heap with 45's and eight track
cassettes. And in an effort to disprove that, the
Church has appointed this year as a time of renewal,
both of faith and of style. So, it is with great
pleasure, that I present you and your parish - mere
days away from it's centennial celebration - and
the continental United States, via Satellite with
the first of man revamps that the 'Catholicism -
Wow!' campaign will unveil over the next year.

Now, what does this mean for the average churchgoer?
Are we going to throw out the rule book and adopt
a hippie mentality in regards to our faith? No.
We're simply talking about a few minor alterations
to both the aesthetic and theoretical aspects of a
religion that boasts one of the highest membership
numbers on the planet.”

He smiles

“So what are we talking about
here. Well, for example...
(pulls out crucifix)
while it has been a time-honored and traditional
symbol of our faith, we have decided to retire the
highly recognizable, yet wholly depressing symbol
of our Lord, Jesus Christ, crucified. Why? Well,
look at it. Would you relish being a member of a
group that uses a man nailed to two pieces of wood
as it's masthead? Of course not - who would? I've
got enough downers in my daily routine without
having to deal with this visual every time I go to
worship. Instead, the church is going to adopt
this new, more soothing and inspiring sigil, which
we feel is in-line with our new outlook."



"See? Isn't this better? How could you not feel
just great walking into a church and seeing this
behind the priest - a positive reinforcement that
whatever we do, God thinks is 'a-okay'. I love this
thing, it's so...

C'mon people, we're here to talk about this little guy - your friend
and mine... the happy Jesus. Can't you just see
it on chains around people's necks, and as the
new background in avant garde, MTV videos?"

[[Props to Kevin Smith and Dogma for church today. Mass: now with Buddy Christ.]]