Monday Afternoon, Outside the Kwik Stop

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

Jay & Silent Bob are in their usual spot outside the Kwik Stop. Bob is smoking a cigarette, and Jay is bouncing along to a boombox at their feet. As soon as his cigarette is spent, Bob joins in the dancing.

As soon as someone comes, however, they stop dancing and try to look professional. Or as professional as they can.

[[Apologies for being MIA; mun has worked 26 hours in the last three days...and has done about the same for all of break. I will try to post J&SB outside the Kwik Stop a couple times a week; feel free to harrass/flirt with/buy drugs from them anytime!]]

Comments

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

After school, Ivanova was on her way to Wonka's when she saw her two favourite troublemakers hanging around outside. While her current bulky sweater and used tissues look wasn't her most inticing ever, she still veered across the street to wave hello.

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

Bob grinned and perked up at the sight of Ivanova. He waved a gloved hand--fingerless gloves, naturally--inviting her over. Jay glared at him. "Don't know why you're so damn excited, fatass. Isn't like she's gonna get with you." Bob shook his head.

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

"Rather him than you," Ivanova retorted as she joined them. "When are you going to learn, Jay? Silent Bob gets the chicks." Ah, Jay-baiting. How she had missed it. She sniffled and dug a tissue out of her pocket, wiping her nose.

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

Bob brightened at that, favoring Ivanova with a huge smile. He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, giving her a quizzical look, almost as if he's asking permission.

Jay looks her over. "Why does everyone think tub o' lard gets all the ass? I got ladies all OVER the place, just WAITING for Master Jay to make 'em scream." He gives Ivanova a cocky look and nod, winking. "You want to give me a test drive, baby?"

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

Ivanova nods at Silent Bob, granting said permission, deciding how best to respond. She was still sick, however, so no good driving puns popped immediately to mind. She rolled her eyes. "You're not going to trot out the old 'stick shift' jokes, are you? Because I'm one for impact testing." She curls a fist to make sure he gets her meaning. "And as for big, dark, and handsome over here, I think it's just 'cause you make him look so much better in comparison." She turned to Bob. "No offense meant."

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

Bob shrugged as he pulled a cigarette out and slid it between his lips. He winked at Ivanova, flipping his lighter around before lighting it with his pinky. It wasn't a complicated trick, but looked impressive.

"Impact, eh? I can do impact; make you impact the bed when I fuck you," Jay said, undeterred. "And, baby, fatass ain't got nothin on me."

Bob watched the volley with amusument. When Ivanova turned to him, he just smiled, showing he didn't take offense.

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but you wish he did," Ivanova shot back. "And Jay, darling, you're losing your touch. 'Impact the bed when I fuck you'? Very crass. But since you insist on hitting on the poor sick high school student, do your worst. I've been itching to hit something, and my roommate isn't too amenable to the idea of playing punching bag."

Lyta. She should . . . no, that would be mean. Putting a telepath near the cesspool that was Jay's mind? It was evil. It was inspired.

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

"HIgh school student? You're way too hot to still be in highschool, baby," Jay said, leering.

Bob shrugged, as if to say 'No, he really just doesn't get it.'

[[Sorry so long! pr0nning in another window!]]

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

"You want to see my school i.d.?" Ivanova asked, eyebrow raised. "Or maybe my military badge? The one that says I have the training to kick your ass and the rank to not get caught?" She smiled at him. A very, very worrying smile. Unless one was Jay, who seemed to take any smile as an invitation. "But y'know, Jay, I'm feeling magnanimous tonight. I have a girl in mind for you. My roommate, in point of fact. We disagree on just about everything, and I don't see why the subject of you would be any different."

[[No worries. I have DVDs of '21 Jump Street'. Peter DeLuise make my girl-bits all squishy.]]

[silent-robert.livejournal.com]

Jay blinked several times, trying to make sense of what she'd just said. "You...just fucking threatened me, and now, what? You want a double-date with your roomate and the tubby bitch here?" Jay narrowed his eyes. "Is this a fucking joke?"

Bob cocked his head questioningly. A double date didn't sound so bad, as long as Jay behaved himself--which was close to impossible. He took a drag of his cigarette, sighing smoke.

[suzotchka.livejournal.com]

"Jay, darling, that wasn't a threat," she says kindly. "It was merely a statement of fact. And me trying to be nice to you when all I've ever gotten from you is sexual harassment." Her tone broke down as she began coughing, covering her mouth with her fist and turning away until the fit passed.

Her eyes were kind of watery and her voice sounded a little raw when she turned back. "It's rather difficult to be a hard-ass when I can barely breathe," she said with a sardonic half-smile. "Sorry boys, no double date. I'm trying to hook up with the cute witch at the candy store. But if you want Lyta's number . . ."