All and Sundries, 2/4

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

To say that Edmund was in a bad mood was to say that Henry VIII was slightly rotund and had an unusual method of courtship.

As he opened All and Sundries, thinking venomous thoughts about turnips and the men who loved them, he began to sing.

Once that you’ve decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art

There really isn’t any need for bloodshed
You just do it with a little more finesse
If you can slip a tablet into someone’s coffee
Then it avoids an awful lot of mess

It’s murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your abc
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your abc

Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you’re flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you’ll find your conscience bothers you much less

Because murder is like anything you take to
It’s a habit-forming need for more and more
You can bump off every member of your family
And anybody else you find a bore

Because it’s murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your abc
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your abc

Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
In history’s great dark hall of fame
All our greatest killers were industrious
At least the ones that we all know by name

But you can reach the top of your profession
If you become the leader of the land
For murder is the sport of the elected
And you don’t need to lift a finger of your hand

Because it’s murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your abc
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
It’s as easy to learn as your a, b, c, d, e

He blinked and went to make himself a cup of tea, not sure whether he loved this town or loathed it.

All and Sundries is open. Brave the murderous former butler at your own risk.

Comments

[notstakedyet.livejournal.com]

[ooc: *loves on you for song choice*]

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

Parker came into the shop like the trailing end of a hurricane; clearly some damage and destruction had been done, but hey, there's always room for more. She looked around the shop over the tops of her sunglasses rather dubiously.

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"Is there something you need?" Edmund was trying for a friendly tone of voice. Attractive young woman who appeared to not be impoverished - they were cues that were enough to supercede his mood.

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

"A little bit of everything." Parker sized the shopkeeper up, and used her best 'today's your day' smile. "Your best chocolate and alcohol. Medical supplies-- bandages, aspirin, ibuprofen, medical tape. Any DVDs you've got around, I'll take a look at. Also those little 'you're a winner!' badges." She shrugged. "Might as well decorate the wounded."

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"Wounded?" Blackadder snapped his fingers and Baldrick appeared at his elbow. "You might consider some magazines if they are immobilized for a while. Perhaps some get well soon cards?" He motioned toward the shiny new Hallmark display."

He glanced down at Baldrick and gave him instructions to fetch the items the lovely young lady had already requested.

"Are these some of the brave young men and women who defended us so ably from the snowmen?"

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

"Some of them." Parker sent the Hallmark cards a dubious look, and Baldrick one that was highly suspicious. "They were out doing a-- study party, last night. A few of them got hurt. High spirits." She gave him an untrustworthy smile. "Can I have them delivered to the school?"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Edmund made entirely the wrong assumption about the high spirits, which was probably for the best.

"Delivery can be arranged. Is there anything else you need? Heating pads, steaks for bruises, ice packs?"

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

Parker smiled. "The pads and the ice packs, yes. God knows I need one." She pulled out her Platinum Visa. "And charge it--"

An odd expression came over her face.

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they’re o.k.
If they don’t give me proper credit
I just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they can’t see the light, that’s right
’cause the boy with the weapons stash
Is always mister right, ’cause we are

Living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That’s all right with me
If they can’t raise my interest then I
Have to let them be

Some boys try and some boys lie but
I don’t let them play (their way)
Only boys who kick some ass can
Make my rainy day, ’cause they are

Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world

Boys may come and boys may go
And that’s all right you see
Experience has made me rich
And now they’re after me, ’cause everybody’s

A material, a material, a material, a material world

Living in a material world [material]
Living in a material world



Parker blinked and looked absolutely appalled. "...the hell? I didn't eat at the cafeteria."

[aka-vala.livejournal.com]

(ooc: Dammit! You beat me to it! ;-)))

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

[sorry! *laugh]

[aka-vala.livejournal.com]

('s o.k. Vala's in too cranky a mood today anyway...)

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Edmund would have been more appalled were it not for two things - he had already opened the store with a tune he didn't even know, and the platinum card the material girl was holding out for him.

He took the card and rang up the bill, his smile only faltering slightly.

"Will there be anything else?"

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

"No, that is definitely it." Parker took back her card with alacrity, shaking her head. "Please have them delivered to the Fandom High Dorms by eight o'clock tonight. And, if you could forget the singing? A twenty-dollar tip."

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"What singing?" Edmund asked, passing her a pen for her receipt.

"Your delivery will arrive before eight. Thank you for your money patronage."

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

"I'll be back, with a memory like that." Parker flashed him a relieved smile, gave Baldric another ugh look, and hurried out.