Monday evening, The Perk and environs

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Edmund was sick to death of Baldrick. Sick beyond reason. Sicker than smallpox. One more look at Baldrick's blistered face and Edmund was going to commit several crimes and pray that he could go back in time to commit them again.

Having someone else brew the tea was just the remedy.

He left the Perk with a steaming hot cup of tea and a scone tucked under his arm. As he stepped off the curb to cross the street, something not at all good happened as the heel of his shoe became caught on a sewer grate.

The sounds of cursing were loud in the otherwise quiet evening as Edmund toppled forward, his ankle twisting painfully and his tea thankfully flying away from him, catching his spotless white ruffled shirt with just a bare spray of hot brown liquid.

And his scone tumbled out its bag, soaking up dirty water and spilled tea as it rolled away from him not unlike a flaming tire.

[ooc: Feel free to use the Perk. Edmund has a hero on his way.]

Comments

[superartie]

Artie paused in his short cut creating as he seemed to spot Edmund, as indicated by his affecting a pose not unlike a cartoon dog pointing out game for a hunter.

"Good shopkeeper! Are you alright?"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"No, I am not alright, you clogthieving dolt," Edmund snapped.

And he'd thought the posing was some sort of full body lockjaw when he'd first encountered this man... Clearly he had no such luck.

[superartie]

If Artie was offended by Edmund's peevish tone, he didn't show it. He bounced into the air and landed spectacularly into a crouch next to Edmund and examined the situation. "I see, fluffy haired, Renaissance Man! Your shoe has been ensnared!"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"This village is not missing its idiot, I see," Edmund said dryly. "Your perspicacity must be the first thing people notice about you."

[superartie]

"Second, actually," Artie murmured, then continued peering at the shoe issue. "A sticky situation, friend. A sticky situation."

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

As the mun gives thanks for not drinking something as that icon loaded.

No, the first thing anyone noticed was that this man was a nutter. Edmund could have used him in the Rottenborough all those long years ago.

"If you would kindly unbuckle my shoe, our sticky situation will be but a memory; one made pleasant by the sheerest virtue of being remembered in a place devoid of a certain red and blue striped fartleberry."

[superartie]

"You would prefer green and blue?" Artie did Edmund one better, and simply lay a hand on his shoe and yanked, free the shoe, but possibly sending Edmund head over heels in the process. "You are free, Citizen!" Artie bounced upright and posed. "Thanks to Artie! the strongest man . . . in the world!"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Edmund lay flat on his back. His tea had been steaming moments before, but now, as he lay where Artie had thrown him - in the middle of the puddle that had been destined to be his relaxing beverage - he discovered that it had cooled very quickly.

He glared up at Artie from his prone position. "And does Artie! the strongest man in the world! make a habit of stealing footwear?"

[superartie]

Artie frowned. "Stealing? What is this?"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Once he was certain he wasn't going to take another unfortunate tumble, Edmund rose somewhat unsteadily from where he lay and advanced on Artie.

His smile looked somewhat... hungry.

"Stealing. Where one leaves a premises without paying for merchandise. In this case, clogs."

[superartie]

"Clogs, clogs. . . ." Artie jerked upright, an expression of shock on his face. "Great googly moogly! The clogs!"

And he leaps off.

. . .

Then leaps back, carrying a pair of clogs, still somehow in near mint condition. He bows as he presents them back to Edmund. "Thank you very much for the loan of the useful clogs, Merchant!"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Riiiiight. Edmund took the clogs with an expression of distaste generally reserved for contemplating how there could ever have been more than one generation of Baldricks.

"And you expect me to foist these contaminated footwear on other unsuspecting customers? And when a customer comes to be complaining of super verucas, I shall just tell them, 'Oh, don't mind those. Artie, the strongest man in the world wore those. Those verucas will carry you proudly through the streets of Fandom in ever-increasingly absurd and aggravating postures!"? I think not!"

His voice had increased until he was speaking with all the fervor of an entirely anachronistic tent revival preacher by the last sentence.

[superartie]

Artie scratched his head, looking slightly befuddled. "You wish to have something in trade?"

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Now it was Edmund's turn to be slightly befuddled, although he didn't look it.

"Yes. I want you to trade me cash for those shoes you absconded with."

Or perhaps...

"Or you could come to the shop periodically and organize the shelves. I will make it worth your while in clogs and turnips."

[superartie]

"Turnips, you say?" Artie thought for a moment. Considering the range of expressions that flitted across his agile face, he could have been thinking of anything, really. "Done!" He shot out his hand to shake. "You drive a hard bargain, Shopkeeper, a hard bargain indeed."

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

Edmund shoved the clogs into Artie's outstretched hand. "Right. Take these. Come by the shop... during business hours and we will complete our arrangement."

[superartie]

Artie accepted the clogs with applomb. "See you later then, my fluffy-haired, frabjous, new friend!" Artie rolled his eyes dramatically and leaned forward. "See you later!"

And, yeah, that last bit might have come out just a touch creepifying. Or not, because Artie is entirely harmless . . . to good and noble people, at least.

With a happy laugh and a cheerful hoot, Artie takes off back across town, fast as the wind on a semi-breezy day.

[blackadder-nth.livejournal.com]

"What in hell was I thinking?"