fandomtownies | Fandom Radio: Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm]

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Fandom Radio: Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm]

Barbossa, after padlocking his secret stash of rum and putting a Very Important Sign on it (This Be Not Rum), sat down in his chair and flipped on the microphone.

"This be Wine, Wenches 'n Song. I be Barbossa, here t' offer ye advice 'n play yer requests assumin' they be not Celine Dion. Bother me."

He flipped on "What Do You Do (With a Drunken Sailor)"--his version of a mighty romantic song--and waited for calls to come in

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He'll play it. He might mock you for it, too, but he'll play it.

Sawyer calls in and waits for the pirate man to pick up.

"This be Barbossa, ye be on the air. What can I be playin' fer ye?"

He was never going to live this one down with her either, "On Fire by Switchfoot? For Tempe."

"If a wench be makin' ye feel fire, mayhaps ye should be headin' t' the clinic," Barbossa advised, but he found the song.

"This be 'On Fire' by Switchfoot fer Tempe," he said, pressing the button.

Hysterical laughter could be heard before the phone clicked off. Haha. Not that kind of fire, pirate man.

Barbossa's got all the answers! Well, sort of.

Seras rings into the show, tapping her foot somewhat impatiently.

"This be Barbossa 'n ye be on the air. Please don't be stutterin'."

"Hullo, Mr. Barbossa. I'd like to ask if--"

"Honk! Honk!"

"Yes, yes I'm asking him! Or I would if you'd shut your trap for ten seconds!"

"Hiiiissss!"

"Hey! Do I insult your mother?"

Seras sighed.

"Captain Barbossa, can you tell me if it's possible for a Bishop to mate in three moves?"

A very long pause.

"If the bishop be not so terribly attached t' the celibacy thing, I be guessin' he could mate in three moves. It be doin' no favors t' the wench he be with, though."

Seras sighed.

"I should bloody well say not," she said, "Thanks anyhow."

Loud, triumphant honking could be heard in the background for an instant before Seras hung up the phone.

"Hey, pirate, long time listener, first time caller," GOB said, attempting a vaguely generic Hispanicish accent to disguise his identity. "If I wanted to let someone special know that my birthday was coming up and that I'd appreciate it if she did something special for me, how should I go about that without seeming like I'm demanding anything? I'd really prefer just demanding something, but I don't think that would end well."

"Be she havin' a calendar ye could write it on? Be thar a way t' bring it up in conversation, mayhaps? 'I do so be lovin' the weather this time o' year. It be like the birds be knowin' me birthday be next Thursday?'"

"Next Wednesday, actually," GOB said, forgetting about the accent. "Good call, though. I'll see what I can do. Thanks."

And then he remembered the accent. "Um. I mean, grazie." Yes, he tried to cover in Italian.

Barbossa wasn't exactly up on his foreign languages anyway. "Ye be welcome, matey."

Jamie calls in.

Again.

"Hey Pirate? I tried out that whole rum thing and it blew up in my face and if I tried to kidnap her I'd probably get shot. I think I should move on, what do you think?"

"If yer choices be gettin' shot 'n movin' on, I be movin' on, aye," Barbossa replied. "Unless she be not a particularly good shot, or ye be into pain."

"So what would you recommend for getting over a broken heart?"

"More rum," Barbossa said, nodding.

"Is that your answer for everything?"

"Aye," Barbossa said, then added "pirate," like that would explain things more fully.

He's around. And a little drunk.

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Fandom Radio: Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm]

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