fandomtownies | Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

Current Music: Ground Control to Major Tom - David Bowie

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$pirate radio

Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

The pirate had not spent the last week in a rum-enduced haze and had certainly not accidentally jumped into a patch of poison ivy rather than the shrub suit that he in no way owned.

So ignore the sounds of itching that might be coming through during the broadcast. "It be Thursday, I be the pirate, 'n this be Wine, Wenches 'n Song," Barbossa said into the microphone. "This be the place t' make yer musical-type requests fer the wenches who be ignorin' ye or the mateys who be catchin' yer eye like somethin' shiny on the beach. It also be where I be dispensin' the wisdom I be accruin' through years o' spendin' time wit' some o' the dirtiest minded scallywags ever t' sail the Seven Seas."

Barbossa spun around in his chair. "The phone lines be open," he said. "Bother me. 'n while we be waitin' fer that first call, here be a special song fer Jaye, one o' me favorite wenches who be gettin' shot into space tomorrow or some such."

He pressed a button and David Bowie's "Ground Control to Major Tom," came blasting through the speakers.

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If it's more Yanni, on yer own head be it...

Having nothing much better to do on a free afternoon, Hamlet phoned up the radio station using a very poor fake accent.

"Hallo, Wine, Wenches, an' Song? Ah've been a-listen' to your show and lovin' all the Yanni y'all been playin', and was hopin' to get a request in. Do ya, Ah say, do ya have that lovely song about a cake in the rain?"

"T'be sure, matey!" Barbossa replied. "It be one o' me favorites. Be ye sendin' it out t' anyone in particular?"

"Oh no, not ta anyone in particular," Hamlet replied, slipping accents. "Just a friendly remindar fer the students o' Fandom that leaving cakes out when't rains makes fer very messy lunches."

"Especially if ye'll never have that recipe again," Barbossa said wisely.

"Here be 'MacArthur Park' by the mighty Richard Harris," he said, pushing the button and playing the song.

It was very, very bad.

From up on the sixth floor of the dorms, it just might be possible to hear a whole lot of emo-style giggles coming from room 603.

*ring ring!*

"Uhh, so...you do song requests?"

"That be the general concept, aye. Have ye a song ye'd like t' hear?"

"Oh my God," there was significant flailing at Rosette's end of the phone, "anything...anything to drown out these sound of that damned organ! I'm goin' nuts here! You gotta help me! It's...so....bad...." And now wibbles. Lots and lots of wibbles.

"Heavy metal be better, then?" Barbossa asked. "Mayhaps some Black Sabbath?"

Barbossa spun in his chair and flipped on "Iron Man." Loud.

Rosette had never heard of heavy metal before, but she had experience a black Sabbath. Ooooh, that was a fun night.

But she was as pleased as prohibition punch with the strange music that the pirate radio guy had picked. Giggling madly, she turned up the volume on her stereo in the basement and hoped those little old ladies were rumbling in their pews from the bass. Maybe they'd think it was the apocolypse. She hoped so.

It was also in that moment that Rosette discovered the natural phenominom known as head-banging.

Because this never goes wrong...

Jamie rings in.

"Have you ever known a pirate to have a lobster as a pet?"

Barbossa thought about it. "Once," he said. "But then Bugger Me Bill ate it fer lunch. He had t' walk the plank fer that."

"How do you take them for a walk? Also? Badgers. Do you know any pirates who like badgers?"

"Not badgers," Barbossa said. "Beavers."

Then he snickered because, well, dirty-minded pirate.

"Black Jack never got around t' walkin' the lobster--which be no manner o' euphemism--before it be meetin' its untimely demise. After than he be takin' up horticulture instead."

There may be sounds of Jamie taking notes on this.

"Is 'takin' up horticulture' a euphemism?"

Barbossa paused. "Fer Black Jack, aye, it was."

"Thank you Mr. Pirate! As a request can you play "Rock Lobster" and dedicate it to Angela Chase?"

"T' be sure, matey!" Barbossa replied. "This be 'Rock Lobster' by the B-52s, goin' out t' Mizz Chase."

He pressed the button to start the song.

Marie attempted to disguise her voice. Very poorly.

"Do you have any advice on how to tell someone you're interested in them?" she asked.

[ooc: now with all the words. *headdesk*]

Barbossa thought to how most women had made their intentions known to him.

"Be wearin' a tight shirt 'n settlin' on price straightaway," he said.

"A price for what?"

Marie might be a little naive.

"Fer the cost o' yer affections, o' course," Barbossa said.

"He doesn't have to pay for them," Marie said. "I just want him to like me back."

"He gets yer affections fer free?" Barbossa chuckled. "Then ye be doin' jes' fine fer yerself, wench. But be wearin' the shirt jes' in case."

"But how do I let him know?" Marie asked. "And I don't have any tight shirts."

"Ye don't...have one?" Barbossa was stunned. "Get one, wench! It be an essential part o' yer wardrobe, not t' mention a subtle-type hint to the whelp that ye be interested."

"Won't that make me kind of... trampy, though?" Marie asked, sounding faintly horrified.

"...be that not the point?" Barbossa asked, confused.

"No! That not be... I mean, isn't the point!" Marie gasped. "I just like him and maybe want to go on a date with him or something. That's it!"

There was dead air for a few seconds.

"Ohhhhhh," Barbossa finally said. "Jes' tell the whelp that ye want t' go out. It be not hard."

Marie sighed. "Should I ask him out? Or should I tell him I like him? What are your thoughts on email?"

"I be a big fan o' signs," Barbossa said. "A big cardboard one that be sayin' 'I be likin' ye, pay fer me dinner' be gettin' the point across nicely, I be thinkin'."

"That's seems a little, um, forward, don't you think?" Marie asked.

"It be avoidin' miscommunication," Barbossa pointed out.

"... I guess," Marie said uneasily. "Well, I'll keep your advice in mind. Thanks Mr. Pirate!"

"Any time, wench!"

Bring rum! Or calamine lotion!

Because every post needs one...

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Wine, Wenches 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

Make a song request

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Ask for relationship advice

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Stop by the studio

OOC