fandomtownies | Wine, Wenches, 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

Current Music: The Last Saskatchewan Pirate - Captain Tractor

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$pirate radio

Wine, Wenches, 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

Barbossa was back at the microphone, trying to learn how to juggle apples.

It wasn't going very well, judging by the thumps and muffled curses that interspersed the program.

"This be Barbossa, it be Thursday, so it be time fer Wine, Wenches 'n Song," he said. "Bring me yer song requests 'n yer problems wit' the wenches. I be here t' help."

He broke into gales of laughter.

"Or somethin' like that," he said. "The phone lines be open. Bother me."

He flipped on "The Last Saskatchewan Pirate," turned it way, way up, and waited for the phone to ring.

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No song is too stupid. Except Ashlee Simpson.

Even pirates have standards.

"Um...can you play 'I didn't steal your boyfriend' and dedicate it to Phoebe?" Blair was hoping you didn't have to explain why you requested certain songs.

[ooc: I just had to find an Ashlee Simpson song ;) ]

There was a pause.

"Be that Ashlee Simpson?" Barbossa asked suspiciously.

"It's possible?" Blair hedged. "But the title of the song is what stood out to me. If you got something else that conveys the same concept, I'm willing to change."

"'Oops, I Be Doin' It Again', mebbe?" Barbossa suggested. "'Me Boyfriend Be Back'? 'Hold Me Beer (While I Be Kissin' Yer Wench)'?"

"Uh...I'm not sure those mean the same thing, man." Blair rolled his eyes.

"I be not playin' Ashlee Simpson," Barbossa replied. "How about 'We Be Not Supposed t' Be Lovers' or 'Ye Give Love a Bad Name' or 'Honest Mistake?'"

Yeah, Barbossa might have been messing with him.

"Well, 'Honest Mistake' is a little closer." Blair sighed. "Is there a song called 'Please don't kill me with your witchy powers just because I slept with your boyfriend on accident'?"

Barbossa laughed. "'I be guessin' 'Wanted Dead or Alive' be not exactly what ye be thinkin' of. I be suggestin' findin' a cave t' hide in. Or mayhaps another island."

"Thanks, man." Blair said sarcastically.

"I be not the one who be accidentally sleepin' wit' a witch's boyfriend," Barbossa pointed out.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Blair groaned. "Just play whatever you want man." There was a muffled 'self-righteous pirate' before the phone clicked off.

Barbossa cackled, then flipped on "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing" and cranked it up.

He cracked himself up. He really did.

"Hey I'm not sure what song to request, but I'd like to dedicate a song to you and all the radio people, for making my summer here extra cool."

Barbossa laughed. "That be mighty nice o' ye. Here be a song that be remindin' me o' all o' ye."

A few seconds later, the familiar notes of "Let's Get Drunk and Screw" came out of the radio.

*facepalm and laugh*

Because if you've ever listened to the show, you know the pirate only has your best interests at heart.

Except not.

River had some doubts about the quality of the pirate's advice, but at least it was usually entertaining.

"Hello. I have this friend. Her loved one died. He's obviously not coming back. But people you love are hard to forget. What would you advise?"

"Rum," said Barbossa, not unexpectedly. "A wake be always a good way t' remember those who be fallin' before their time."

"She's already tried that," River replied. "A lot. It doesn't seem to be working."

River assumed rum was similar enough to what Jane drank.

"Huh," Barbossa said, stumped. "Has yer friend tried havin' poorly-thought-out sex? That be workin' sometimes, too."

"I think she thought about it, but it didn't happen," River said. "I'll mention it to her though."

"Glad t' help!" Barbossa said.

"Thank you," River said and hung up, thinking the pirate's advice quite sensible.

Alanna was bored. And amused by the song request earlier. "Is everyone in this school sleeping with someone?"

Barbossa laughed. "Sometimes more than one at the same time," he added. "But thar are some single-types around. Keepin' thar options open."

Alanna sighed. "Can we get a list of everyone who's still single? It'll help the fresh blood that's coming in soon out, it'll help the people looking out." She paused. "It'll help my boredom out."

Barbossa paused. "This be off the top o' me head, o' course," he began. "Those who be single be includin' Peter-who-be-not Parker-or English, Molly, Cameron, Briar, Hamlet, Kawalsky, Alphonse, Anakin-who-be-a-eunuch-or-a-duck, Maia, Z, D'anna, Zack, Draco, Rory, Hermione, River 'n Tyler. But I be sure I be missin' some 'n not mentionin' those who be keepin' thar options open."

Why yes, he did have a chart of this kind of stuff. The pirate was thorough.

Alanna considered the list. "And me. We need a dating service, I'm just saying. And a chart. Also one for who's sleeping with who."

If someone was listening closely, you might hear the gears turning in Barbossa's head.

"I be lookin' into that," he said.

"Give me a copy when you're done?" Alanna asked. Innocently.

"Thar might be a small fee, o' course," Barbossa added.

"What's your suggestion for the best way to be dealing with hurt and betrayal?"

"Rum," Barbossa replied. "And revenge."

Bring rum!

A post without an OOC is like a sentence without a

. . .

*does not start making the chart of who's dating who all color coordinated and up-to-date-like to go with the who's sleeping with Bel chart that Nadia put on the radio wall*

*doesn't offer to help you*

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Wine, Wenches, 'n Song [4-6pm FDT]

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Stop by the studio

OOC

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