Aereopagitica: Friday [9-29]

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana opened up the store looking massively upset and worried. She couldn't wait for work to be done so she could go and see if she could fix things.

Comments

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair made a break for town during his lunch break and came through the door of Aeropagitica a little breathlessly. "Lana?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana forced herself to smile. Only about half an hour left before she could go try and find Jim.

"Hi, Blair. What can I do for you?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I have a message for you from Jim." Blair frowned. "He left for a bit. Alone."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana froze. "Jim... he's gone?"

She could feel something inside her start to crumble and she turned her head away. "What... where did he go?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I don't think it's for good." Blair said and shook his head. "I really don't think I should tell you, Lana. He was trying to get away from you."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana sat down hard in a nearby chair and buried her face in her hands. "I'm such an idiot. Such an idiot."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"I don't think you should call yourself names, man. But it's probably not such a bad idea to own up to your own mistakes." Blair shrugged. "Maybe you should get some counseling."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana looked up at him, feeling horrified, embarassed, betrayed. "He told you? About my nightmares?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Your buh?" Blair blinked. "Um...no. Is that why you...did what you did?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Why I...?" Lana couldn't look at him. Her eyes were full to overflowing and she was trying desperately not to cry in front of Blair. "I didn't even know I'd said anything out loud. I was half-asleep and shaken up from the nightmare and..." She had to stop and try to contain herself.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Lana, you're my friend too. But this sort of thing can't just be swept under the rug." Blair softened his voice. "Just because you were half asleep is no excuse. Jim was really upset."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Do you think I meant to tell him that I'm falling for him?" Lana demanded, tears finally starting to fall. "I didn't. I don't even know how it came out of my mouth."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"..." Blair blinked again and flailed. "Don't cry! What did you say? Don't cry!"

He fumbled around till he found a box of tissues and pratically launched it at Lana.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana caught the tissues and frantically dabbed at her eyes as if she could make the tears disappear if she just pushed hard enough. "I said that I thought I was... falling in love with him. It was stupid and I never would have said it out loud. I knew he wasn't ready to hear it and I really wasn't ready to admit it to anyone - even myself."

"And now he's gone and I can't even go and make up some stupid reason why I said it and try and convince him I didn't mean it or whatever it would take to get him not to be panicked about the whole thing."

She dropped her head into her hands and cried.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Crap." Blair said shortly. "Crapcrapcrapcrap."

He bent down in front of her to get her attention. "Lana, I'm so sorry, that's not what I thought happened at all. Jim just went out camping to work things out in his head. He's didn't go away forever."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"It doesn't matter," she said. "He won't want anything to do with me anyway." Her hands were shaking almost as much as her voice. "His dad already wants him to break up with me. And he's so nervous about things going too fast..."

She stood up abruptly and flung the box of tissues across the room. "I always screw everything up. Always. What the hell is wrong with me?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Whoa!" Blair stumbled backwards and looked at Lana in shock. He had never seen her like this before. "Calm down a second, okay?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana put her hands up to cover her face, still shaking. "I'm sorry, Blair," she said. "I didn't mean..." She shook her head hopelessly and went over to pick up the tissue box and place it carefully on the counter.

She stood with her back to him for a moment, then turned around, face carefully composed, eyes dull. "Thank you for letting me know. I'm sorry you had to get dragged into this."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Lana..." Blair bounced in frustration. He didn't know how to help and his attitude at the beginning didn't help. "If you need to talk, you know where to find me. I'll probably be hanging out in the common room tonight."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

She nodded dully, looking as if it was just sheer willpower that was keeping her on her feet. "Thanks."

She shook her head. "God. Whitney was right. I screw everything up and I hurt everyone I care about. I should have just done what he wanted."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair wasn't sure exactly what Lana was talking about here, but it didn't sound good. He made a note of it and stepped a little closer. "Don't get so down, Lana. Everyone makes mistakes and they usually aren't as big as we make them out to be."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Right. What did you say earlier? That my being half-asleep was no excuse and I couldn't just sweep this under the rug, right? And you were right."

She closed her eyes for a minute. "It doesn't matter. I knew it was too good to be true. I was so scared I'd do something to mess it up and I did."

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair? Totally facepalming here. "Actually, I sorta thought you were forcing Jim to have sex."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"What?!" Lana looked horrified. "Why would...? I would never do something like that. Never! What would ever give you that idea?"

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Well he said...and I sorta assumed...and you were all..." Blair flailed a lot.

"I'm sorry?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana looked horrified. "Blair... you're talking about.. rape. You're saying you thought... I thought you were my friend! What have I ever done to make you think I could do something like that?"

She looked as if she was going to be sick.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

"Oh my..." Blair shook his head. "Lana, I didn't. I'm sorry. I...."

"Okay, let's take a deep breath here. I didn't think that you actually did anything. I just thought that were trying to do something."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana nodded. "I was just trying to coerce him into having sex with me. Much better."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Maybe he thought that, too. I told you I always screwed everything up."

She took a deep breath. "Right. Well... thank you for passing on his message. Is he... did he look okay? Oh hell, of course he didn't. He looked so bad that you thought - God... Excuse me." Her face went green and she bolted for the bathroom.

[lovechildblair.livejournal.com]

Blair winced and turned towards the door. He couldn't really help her now and he needed to get back up to the school for the assembly. Maybe he'd give Bel a call and see if he could check up on her later.