15 Griffin Way, Tuesday evening

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

Peter had spent the past day in this mansion he didn't recognize trying not to make the fake Santa Claus angry. Unfortunately, when you gave him several blocks of wood, a wooden mallet, and the instructions "Make toys," Peter got angry. When Peter got angry, he tried to rescue himself. When he tried to rescue himself, he was thrown against walls.

It was evening and Peter was seriously considering turning to Judaism. He was pretty sure a fake dreidel would never beat him up.

"Come on, Zero. Bring an army," Peter muttered as he stacked the blocks in annoyance.

[OOC: Locked to swerval_zero, please.]

Comments

[swerval_zero]

"How are the toys coming, elf?" Santa asked as he came into his elf's workshop to check up on him. Mustn't have the naughty elf trying to escape again, after all.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"I made some blocks," Peter said. Granted, they started out as blocks so he didn't actually need to do anything to them. He hoped Psycho Claus wouldn't notice this.

[swerval_zero]

"You were supposed to be making iPods," Santa said. He was about to throw his insubordinate elf into a wall again when a knock sounded at the door. "What's this?" Santa went to answer it.

[swerval_zero]

When Santa opened the front door, there was Zero. In an elf costume. Carrying a bot and a mallet. The bot was humming the Mission: Impossible theme song. Zero frantically hoped Santa wouldn't recognize this.

"Hi, Santa! Gosh, I've been looking all over for you!"

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"Oh my God," Peter said, not believing his eyes. Somewhat desperately, he said, "Hi, fellow elf!"

[swerval_zero]

"Hi, elf friend!"

Santa frowned. "Eh? Who are you?"

"It's me...um, Zerbie! Zerbie the elf! Remember?" Zero asked. "That other elf there remembers me, right, Elf Boy?"

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Of course, Zerbie," Peter said. "Don't you remember? She made the really good croquet balls a few years ago?"

Okay, it was lame. He'd spent much of the past day hitting walls, okay?

[swerval_zero]

"Yep, that's me!" Zero chirped. "And I brought my lucky mallet to test the new ones out with. Don't you want to see my lucky mallet, Santa?" Zero asked.

The music coming from the bot increased in volume. Zero considered drop-kicking it across the room.

"Hm. I don't think I've ever seen a green croquet mallet before..." Santa mused. He took a step closer to Zero.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"It's fine craftsmanship," Peter said. He couldn't believe this was working. Between that and his earlier thoughts of dreidels, his beliefs were being challenged a lot tonight.

"Honestly, I've never seen another elf make such a fine mallet."

[swerval_zero]

"What's that?" Santa asked, finally noticing the bot.


"Oh, this? This is just a new sort of toy I've been working on," Zero said a little frantically. "It plays music. Would you like to see?"


"Why, yes. How interesting..." Santa took another step closer, bending over to get a better look at the bot. And then...


CRACK! Santa went down like a bag of rocks, courtesy of a mallet to the skull. "Nobody kidnaps my boyfriend," Zero snarled.

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"Wow. Merry Christmas," Peter said, walking towards Zero but keeping an eye on the fat man. "Not a bad plan. Thank you."

[swerval_zero]

"Happy Christmas. You should have more faith in me." Zero nudged Santa with one pointy green boot, and a tag popped out of his sleeve. "Hey, what's this?" She bent over and read, "'If found, please contact Neopolis Police Department, 555-7629. VERY DANGEROUS. Do not engage.' Huh. He didn' seem that tough to me."

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"Trust me. It's good advice," Peter said. "I'll call the police, you watch Claus and make sure he stays knocked out?"

[swerval_zero]

Zero brandished her mallet. "Zerbie, at your knocking-unconscious service!"

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. Seriously," Peter said, stepping over to reward the elf girl with a victory kiss before dialing. "Where'd you get the costume anyway, Zerbie?"

[swerval_zero]

The bot started playing the theme from "The Love Boat" as Zero kissed Peter. "Elf secret," she told Peter after the kiss. "Can't tell bad elves."

[peter--parker.livejournal.com]

"I'm not an elf," Peter said, making the call. He'd have to ask about the music thing later on.

[swerval_zero]

"If you say so."

After Peter called the cops, an eight-foot-tall blue man and a woman who looked an awful lot like Zero came and picked up unconscious fake crazy Santa, and Zerbie and Elf Boy headed back to the dorm, their adventure at an end. Zero made a mental note to ask Peter if he thought she'd make a good police officer, like that nice Officer Slinger. But later.