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Orange Shoe Seven Aide, All Day Wednesday: Bringing Crazy Back

The Jerries woke up on the floor of their lovely store in South Swedland, Greenmexiway, very hung over from rum and wondering what to do about the magic card of evil they had received from that very nice young man.

It had a bunch of numbers on it, so first they tried reciting the numbers to the donkeys. That didn't work, because the donkeys were gone. Then they tried painting the numbers on the store window, to let everyone know about the sale on winter jackets and shoehorns. Then one Jerry remembered that the telephone had numbers on it, and they should try entering some of the numbers there.

So they did.

For hours.

The Jerries were the new kings (queens?) of international prank calling, and they didn't even know it.

Finally the card began making beeping noises at them, and a lady lectured them very sternly on their minutes being gone. The Jerries dropped the phone and screamed, and ran around in circles with their arms over their heads.

And then they placed the card on the table in the middle with the thumbless mitten and the box of hair, right next to something that looked like it might be Teddy Ruxpin's left arm. Don't ask about the scorch marks. They don't know, either.

OrangeShoeSevenAide was - brace yourselves - open.

(Extreme SP for the next few hours, bear with me, but if you don't mind that, come one, come all!

If you're new, all you need to know is that the Jerries are insane. Off the meds. Crazyflakes. And that the store has nothing you would want to buy and you can't buy things anyway. Read this post for general information, see here for an explanation on how the store works, and a list of what you can find in the store is here. But you're free to make up things, as well, so long as they are (a) weird and (b) worthless. No finding a repairable laptop, but if you want the smashed-up CD drive with half of a Backstreet Boys CD still in it, go to town!

Or, as I usually say it:

info | items | insanity )

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This thread is for those of you who will stare in at the crazies, having never seen such lovely businesswoman before.

They will probably stare back.

This constitutes a warning.

Why on earth would you want to do that? What's wrong with you?

Jim walked in and immediately started looking for something. When he noticed that the Jerries were actually in, he realized that trying to actually find that thing would be much more difficult.

"Jerry," whispered one Jerry to the other. Okay, shouted, but he thought it was a whisper.

"Yes, Jerry?"

"Look, Jerry! It is our butler!"

"Perhaps he is here for the fish."

"He is our fisher!"

"He has come for the bowling!"

"We do so need a haircut."

Both waved excitedly.

Jim knew that he was going to regret asking a direct question, but he feared that it was the only way to start out here. "Hi there. You wouldn't happen to have any balloons, would you? If you do, no harm will come to the monkey."

"The monkey?" Jerry gasped.

"Not the monkey!" cried the other Jerry.

"We got rid of it weeks ago!"

"We threw it away!"

"It had the plague, Jerry."

"Monkey plague!"

"Bird pox!"

"Amphibian pneumonia!"

"Amphitheater poltergeist!"

"We locked them in the basement!"

"We left them to the donkeys!"

"The donkeys drowned," said one Jerry sadly.

"And what about the balloons?" Jim asked, risking taking his eyes off the Jerries to look around the shop.

"There are some over there," Jerry said conversationally, pointing to one of the tables near the back.

Somehow, it was even weirder in those extremely rare moments when the Jerries made sense.

Jim was stunned. It was a coherent response to his question!

He checked over where the Jerry indicated and, sure enough, there was an opened bag of cheap balloons. Jim took one out and looked at it. "Happy 49th Retirement, Auntie Grandma," he read. "Wow. No clue what that means."

Jim took the bag back up front to pay for it. He took off his shoe and shook it until two rocks fell out. "I'll give you two magical shoe rocks for these balloons."

"Jerry! He has the shoe rocks!" screamed one Jerry.

"NO! Why were we not warned?!"

"We told the albino badgers to inform us at once!"

"We set up an escape route for this very situation!"

"All for nothing!"

"Noooooooooooooo!"

Both Jerries ran in a circle, screaming and flailing their arms, for about 15 seconds.

Then they stopped abruptly.

"Where did you get such lovely rocks?" asked one Jerry.

"From my shoe," Jim answered. It was best to stick to simple answers when possible.

"Jerry," said one Jerry happily. "I told you."

"Yes," said the other. "He is the Chosen One."

Both Jerries bowed.

Jim turned to a squirrel with a notepad and made an amused face to it. "You may rise," he said to the Jerries.

"Thank you, Jerry," said one Jerry with a regal sort of nod.

"We shall remember this always, Jerry."

"We shall keep these! From you!"

"They shall be a memento."

"They will ever be far from us!"

"We shall treasure them always."

Both Jerries nodded quickly.

The speech might be more moving if they were holding the magic rocks and not the pair of thumbless mittens.

"I appreciate it," Jim said. And then, like a lanky ninja, Jim rushed towards the door. "Bye!"

Johnny walked in, head kind of bowed. This was long overdue.

"Look, Jerry!" one Jerry gasped.

"You must come into our store, Jerry!"

"We shall have orange julius!"

"We shall have orange caesar!"

"We shall mix everything up and place it in a bucket!"

"And we shall place that bucket in the dumpster!"

"We have no dumpster, Jerry!"

"The dumpster drowned," said one Jerry sadly.

Johnny did his best not to stare overly much and though he felt a little discomforted by what they were saying, he walked in, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Uh..."

"We know you are impressed," said one Jerry.

"We have never seen a store quite like ours, either!"

"We have many fine jewels!"

"We stole them from the queen!"

"We stole them from the dumpster!"

"We have many fine dumpsters!"

"We stole them from the astronauts!"

"They were watching us, Jerry."

"The astronauts," said one Jerry in a conspiratorial whisper, "are spies for Australia."

He was trying not to think about these guys being insane. "I might check out those jewels in a minute," he said, looking from one to the other.

"You might not remember and I'm not going to get into it, but I owe you an apology."

"Jerry!" said Jerry.

"Yes, Jerry?"

"The Queen wishes to apologize!"

Both Jerries drew themselves up, bowing.

"We accept your apology, Your Majesty."

"We believe it wasn't you at all!"

"We certainly never meant to steal your fishhooks."

"We were saving them for Christmas!"

"We respect your right to throw us into the stock."

"Careful! We are bleeders!"

They bowed again.

Johnny's lips twitched. He was trying to smile but figured it must look weird cause it felt weird.

He bowed to them to be friendly and started backing up towards the door. "Thank you, thanks, uh, have a good day. Thank you. Again, I'm incredibly sorry. Um, Christmas isn't really that far away. All right, catchya later..."

"Jerry," said one Jerry. "The Queen looks ever so different in person."

"More dignified," nodded the other.

Jeff wandered in wearing a pair of socks and Chad's extremely... patterned... boxers slung slightly lower on his hips than was probably entirely visually healthy. "Where's the card?" he asked, with his serious voice on, "Have you gotten rid of it?"

"Jerry," said one Jerry. "You were right. It is very evil."

"Terrible! Painful!"

"We placed all sorts of calls with it, Jerry!"

"We called our aunt in Paduca!"

"We called our percussionist in San Jose."

"We called our voice coach in Europa!"

"We called our dog Timmy home for dinner."

"Have you any dinner, Jerry?"

"We have been meaning to have you over, Jerry."

"But our lovely china is ruined," sighed one Jerry.

"Oh, that's all right," Jeff said, "Just as long as it isn't bothering anyone. I mean, it was only one card, you know, it couldn't do anything on its own. How's the donkeys?"

"We burned it, Jerry!" proclaimed one Jerry proudly.

Well, they had tried.

"Then we took the donkeys on a rocketship!"

"A rocketship around the world!"

"We left them in Jupiter to find more minerals."

"We haven't the rights to the coal!"

"We have twelve canaries waiting for news."

"The canaries drowned," said one Jerry sadly.

Jeff blinked. "I'm sorry for your loss," he said. "Thanks for the burning."

Gabriel was wandering around town, and when he noticed the shop he decided to pop in and see if they had a device for playing musical recordings. Perhaps he might be able to avoid the shop with the evil kittens.

"Jerry!" cried one Jerry.

"Welcome to our store, Jerry!"

"It is our seventh store, Jerry!"

"We burned the last store, Jerry!"

"It was far too purple!"

"We decided that purple is for tailors."

"We have no measuring tape!"

"We could not afford that much silk!"

"We should not have to!"

"We like it much better here," said one Jerry.

Gabriel looked from one Jerry to the other and then back again. Not bothering to evem try to understand what had just been said, he asked: "You have one of these things playing musical recordings? Little silver discs?"

Both Jerries gasped and drew back quickly.

One leaned forward to whisper, "Did ... did they send you!??"

Gabriel looked insulted. "No, they did not! I just want to listen to music!"

Crazy never left, babies.

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Orange Shoe Seven Aide, All Day Wednesday: Bringing Crazy Back

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