fandomtownies | The Preserve; Friday Afternoon.

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The Preserve; Friday Afternoon.

True, there was a perfectly good chocolate festival going on that would do well to serve as the "something" she and Jeff were going to do today, but, in Turtle's opinion, that much chocolate was bound to make anyone sick just by looking at it. Or maybe that was just her because a few months ago, she'd actually tried to eat that much chocolate. Either way, a nice walk in the preserve, she figured, would lead to less distractions After all, she had wanted to 'taaaaaaalk,' and any other situation would allow her to be all avoidy too easily.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jeff asked. Nervously, of course.

"Yes," Turtle nodded firmly as she walked. "If anything, maybe we'll get to see some teal deer. You probably haven't seen any yet, and since I don't have any of Mister Lyman's classes anymore, I've missed seeing them."

[[ Turtle's here with

scary_jeff, who was modded with permission, but it is a preserve; it's not like we can lock the door, so it is open by nature ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Chocolate! Jeff couldn't understand how anyone could think of chocolate at a time like this.

He might have lost sight of the fact that he wasn't everybody else in the world.

"What's teal deer?" he asked.

"Kind of self explanitory," Turtle said. "They're deer. That are teal. And, for a while, it was a band, but most of the band either graduated or left, and Chad's the only original member still around."

"Really? Excellent." Jeff threw the area a speculative look, "I didn't know he was in a band. I should ask him about that when we go shopping."

So much for not getting distracted. But it was his fault from bringing up consumerism.

"Shopping? Really? What for?"

"Clothes!" Now that got a little (well, little...) enthusiastic grin out of Jeff. "He's got a really excellent sense of fashion. We're going to the mainland next week to pick up some shirts and underwear. I've been sort of lacking since Nana ate most of my wardrobe."

Turtle wasn't going to say anything about fashion sense in this case; a quick glance at the shirt Jeff was wearing at the moment was more than enough to answer her question of how he could possibly think Chad had good fashion sense. Plus, she could definitely support the getting of more clothes. "Is that what happened, then?" she asked. "With the....thing and the...y'know?"

"Er, well... Part of it. I was down to my underwear and my socks and then she ate my last pair-- of underwear, that is, not socks. At a very unconvenient time." Jeff glanced to the side, really hoping for not having to touch upon why he had been half-naked at an unconvenient time in the first place. "Saint Bernards get hungry often, and they've got really big jaws. Things will happen."

Turtle's head tilted. "So...both you and your dog have the problem with the swallowing things you shouldn't..."

"Well, she's a bit bigger in scope, obviously..." Jeff said, shrugging, "I think if you tried you could probably fit an entire bed in there."

He'd given it some thought.

And, now, of course, the image had been put in Turtle's head and her nose wrinkled at the mind-sight of the Saint Bernard, reshaped with the very clear corners of a bedframe. "...Ew. That would be one swallowing incident I think she'd regret very quickly."

"It's a bit like swallowing your mother's houseplant, isn't it?" He agreed, "I can't even begin to imagine the aftertaste. Still, knowing her, she may actually enjoy it."

"True," Turtle nodded. "Dogs have weird tastes. I mean, have you ever tried kibble before?" She had. What? She was curious... "They eat that crap on a regular basis!"

"Not recently," Jeff answered, mildly.

"Oh! Well, yeah," Turtle blushed a little at that. "Neither have I. Recently, anyway. I mean, but they couldn't have changed the taste of it that much over the years..."

Jeff shook his head, "I don't think it changes at all," he said. Owning a dog now, this was one of many subjects that brushed his mind between the breasts every day, "I mean, have you ever looked what they put in the kibble? It's like a guidebook to human waste. It's a miracle no one's produced a kibble monster movie yet."

"...I need to write that one down," Turtle commented. "That's brilliant. Nana could have a starring role, even, and it wouldn't even be difficult to get her to eat the kibble monsters in the end. Plus, she's a dog. We technically wouldn't have to pay her."

"'Attack of the Evil Kibble Kings'," Jeff said, spreading his arms around to signify the metaphorical title sign, "It really is brilliant, isn't it? All we'd need is a female lead to bring in audiences. And monster movies are an excellent venue for product placement, aren't they? You could sell name brand evil kibble, too! Except without the mutagenic factor, obviously. That may be overdoing it a bit."

Laughing, Turtle shook her head. "There is no overdoing it in marketing, Jeff. It can be a T & C exclusive product and we could market it out to other stores and make millions."

Not, of course, that she needed any more millions, la.

"Obviously," Jeff said, "But you wouldn't want to be going around sending people potentially homicidal kibble. They might frown on that."

He may have just inadvertently given himself yet another thing to be paranoid about.

"...I hope Nana's doesn't do that."

Turtle's eyes widened a little. Clothing and underwear might just be one last step before... "Oh, man," Turtle muttered. "And it's not like you'd be able to tell if she's started to crave human flesh, either, because all the usual warning signs...the hunger-glazed eyes, the excessive drooling, the pouncing...she does already."

Yes. Turtle was being very helpful, surely.

And now Jeff was staring at her with an alarmed expression. "Do you think there's a possibility of cannibalism?" He paused. "...Eat-people-ism? I've left her alone again, what if she breaks out and goes for Chad?"

"Better Chad than us!" Turtle informed him with a tone of alarm. "And think of it two ways. One, Chad is big. Really big. If she eats him, she won't need to feed again for a very long time; hopefully long enough for us to figure out a solution. Secondly, Chad is all muscle. Muscle like his makes for very stringy meat, so if she ate Chad first, she might be so put off by the stringy meat that she'll change her mind about eating people. And then it works out for Chad, too, because he'll be a martyr for saving us all from a horrible life as prey."

Jeff paused to look at her appraisingly for a minute.

"...It probably would work that way, wouldn't it? That's what always happens in the movies. They pick off everyone but the two leads so they can come up with a solution. Like in the Globule - their best friends had to die so in the end they could figure out to kill it by electrocution."

Turtle nodded. "That's right. And I don't know about you, but I plan to be a lead if anything like that happens."

"I'd like to be a lead," Jeff said, then sighed, "But I always end up the comic relief."

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