fandomtownies | Movie Sign Theater 3000, Sunday afternoon

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Movie Sign Theater 3000, Sunday afternoon

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Stupid & Stupider

A popular physical comedian and a respected character actor are stupid at each other and everyone around them for 90 minutes.

Date or not (and this was not), Jim still had a chivalrous streak so he held the door open for Turtle. "I don't know about you, but I think this is one of the best movies ever. It's a travesty that it didn't pick up the Oscar."

[OOC: Dumb & Dumber, of course. Jim's here with his business associate, but the theater is open.]

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"Oh, totally," Turtle deadpanned. "Pure classic gold. I know that, one hundred years from now, when people are talking about our culture, I want them to bring up this movie and be all 'That was exactly what it was like.'"

"I'll be disappointed if there aren't at least three countries named after it in the future," Jim said. "It would also cause a lot of laughs at the UN if you could just call a country 'Stupid.'"

"Okay, now that's an idea I can get behind," Turtle chuckled a little as she rerouted for popcorn. Had to have popcorn. And then the more she thought about it, the more she couldn't help giggling, because there were few things as funny as a bunch of dorky UN guys getting all riled up about Stupid. "Man. Almost enough to make me want to turn to Colonialism again, just so I can make it happen."

Jim got himself a soda while Turtle was getting her popcorn. "I'll tell you what. You bring the whole world together as part of one giant corporation that controls governments and put me on the board of directors and I'll do anything I can to sway the votes to make that happen.'

"That's a pretty tall order, Jim," Turtle told him, giving him a warning look. "You know it's quite possible that I could do it. Probably by I'm thirty. I'm very ambitious, you know, and have resources. And skills. Mad skills."

"I'm a pretty tall guy, so I have to give tall orders," Jim said. "There's a rule about that. Somewhere. Just checking about those skills, though. Are they angry or crazy? Or both?"

"Crazy," Turtle nodded. "Angry skills get you nowhere."

"Depending on what the angry skills are, they could take you to jail," Jim pointed out.

"Can't take over the world from jail," Turtle added. "Well, you could. But you'd have to be really really good to pull that off."

"Mob bosses do it all the time in the movies," Jim said. "I mean, it couldn't be that hard or Hollywood wouldn't show it that much."

"And we go around full circle already," Turtle complimented with a small laugh. "Jim. If that was really how it worked, do you think the mob bosses would let Hollywood just show it like that?"

"Sure," Jim said. "It glamorizes the life and brings more people in to be their flunkies while they're running things from prison. It would be silly for them not to let Hollywood do that."

Turtle was quiet for a little bit, thinking carefully, a pretty good indication that Jim had made a very good point. "But...if it lets out too much correct information, it won't work, because the coppers will know how it goes down."

"Well, yeah, they have to change some things," Jim said. "I heard that they actually give their orders exclusively through Morse code. You never see that in the movies."

He wondered if that took it too far out of the realm of semi-believability.

"...I should learn Morse code," Turtle responded, frowning thoughtfully. Clearly, she wasn't exactly being skeptical any more.

"It's easy," Jim said. There was a huge opening to mess with someone. It was all he could do not to bounce in anticipation of this. "I learned it when I was in the boy scouts. It would only take a couple hours to teach you everything you needed to know."

The only Morse code Jim knew was SOS, of course. He now needed to get together a list of inappropriate phrases, learn how to tap them out in Morse code, and figure out how to pass that off as something useful. Whether or not Turtle went for it, he had to do this to someone.

"If you learned it in scouts," Turtle said, thoughtfully, "maybe Agent Cooper will do a lesson on it."

If that were the case, she'd want to totally be able to show off by already knowing it.

"You could really teach me?"

Jim grinned. "Yeah, definitely. And if it helps you show off in class, all the better. I'd be glad to help."

The internet had to have information on cursing in Morse code, right? He was going to have to look that up immediately. "Just give me a little time to get a lesson together."

Turtle nodded. "Of course. Definitely." She grinned. "Cool."

"So, where should we sit?"

"I don't know. The theater's so packed, so wherever we can find space, I guess," Jim said, looking around at the empty theater. "Wait, there's a couple seats, in the middle."

He pointed at a sea of empty seats.

"Oh! It's a miracle! We should have got here earlier. But, you know, there's going to be a short person stuck behind you who'll complain about it the whole time, and I'll have some little kick kicking my seat."

"That's why I suggested the movies in the first place," Jim said, leading them to the seats he had pointed to. "I like making short people behind me suffer. I discriminate against a very specific group based on height and their position relative to me. The little kid is an unfortunate side effect, so sorry about that."

"I knew you had a heart as black as pitch underneath that otherwise innocent, though looming, exterior, Jim." Turtle plopped down in her seat with a grin.

"Wow. That's the kind of insult that would make an English teacher proud," Jim said. "I don't think a simile has ever been used against me with that much skill."

"I didn't take that creative writing class for nothing!" Turtle chirped with a proud beam.

"It's always good to see people applying that they've learned," Jim said.

Just like him and the Morse code that he, strictly speaking, hadn't actually learned yet.

"So, before this things gets started," Turtle said, shoving some popcorn into her mouth. "What's this about you not paying for the seat. You being here is paying for the seat. It was in our contract."

"Well, since we're not going to approach the given monetary value of the seat since I'm just paying my own way here, the seat's not going to get paid off at all," Jim said.

"Well, the idea was that you were offering up your time as an alternative to a monetary payment. And since you're still here..."

"Huh. You know, I didn't actually realize my company was worth that much money," Jim said. "Talk about selling yourself short..."

Turtle made a pointed look up. "No kidding. And I know it might be hard to believe, but I do actually tend to like the company of people over the company of money. Of course, not that you can let anyone in on that secret, you understand. But Ben, Ulysses, and Andrew aren't very good conversationalists."

"Your secret's safe with me," Jim promised. "I won't tell anyone unless they get me drunk or an Andrew or two makes a convincing argument."

"Psssh, you need some conditioning, Jim, if a few Andrews would convince you." There was a pause. "Although if it was a combination of the drunk and the Andrews, I'd understand."

"Between the radio and the Jerries, I work two jobs that don't actually pay me monetarily," Jim said. "A couple Andrews are more than enough to convince me."

Turtle winced slightly, wrinkling her nose. She shoulders lifted and she shifted in her seat. Kind of easy to forget sometimes that not everyone had as...hefty an income that she had, and then she started to worry. Was her comment snotty? Was she subconsciously trying to hold her money over Jim's head? Was it starting to go to hers?

She shoved a handful of popcorn into her mouth as if that would quell the worry. She didn't want to become that kind of person. Maybe it was inevitable.

"Movie's starting," she said, through her mouthful of popcorn.

Jim couldn't help but notice something changed a little there. He wasn't sure what happened, but the movie starting was a good excuse to let whatever it was drop.

"The movie that will change the world if we have our way," he said.

[OOC: The movie starting seems like a convenient enough place to leave off. Sleep is needed. Night!]

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Movie Sign Theater 3000, Sunday afternoon

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