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Pirate Radio [Thursday afternoon]

"This be th' last time I be gettin' me own rum," Barbossa bitched to the island at large as he flipped on the microphone and spun around in his chair. "Thar be rocks fallin' 'n dyin' everything..."

Brief pause.

"....oh, that be not funny at all. Anyway, this be Pirate Radio, I be Barbossa 'n I be here this week t' play yer requests--as long as they be not Miley Cyrus--'n give ye advice on yer sad excuses fer love lives, jes' like I be every week."

It was entirely possible that he hadn't noticed it'd been months since he'd done this last.

"The lines be open. Bother me!"

He flipped on "The Song That Never Ends" and cranked it way, way up. If no one would call, at least everyone would be in the same crappy mood he was in.

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"Dear God, not the song you're playing!" is totally a request.

"Hey, ummm, first time listener and caller. Could you play 'Shambala' by Three Dog Night?"

"I be not sure I know that song," Barbossa lied. "Mayhaps ye could sing th' first few lines?"

Hurley chewed his lip for a second, not that that was audible.

"Uhhh, it's kinda like... 'Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain, With the rain in Shambala. Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame, with the rain in Shambala'," he tried, and was... tolerable enough a singer.

"Oh that Shambala," Barbossa said. "Aye, I can play it."

He rustled around and found the song (http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Shambala-lyrics-Three-Dog-Night/2C4F8D6130E3287948256CB50024BB64), then hit play.

"Enjoy."

"Thanks dude. And awesome DJ persona thing, too," he said.

Yes, Hurley didn't realize the pirate was really a pirate.

Jack was multicolored. He was not happy, hated the song on the radio, and may not have noticed when the Pirate picked up. "...stupid rocks. Now my coat is all multicolored. How'm I supposed to wear this d[phone cut out] coat when everything's all every color? J[phone cut out] Ch[phone cut out]. Hello?"

"This be th' pirate," Barbossa said. "Be ye actually tryin' t' call me?"

"Hello? Yes! Can you play something by the..." He looked at the paper. "The Blue Mondays? Wait, no. Blue Monday. No Ess."

"Ye mean like an instrumental?"

Barbossa thought about it.

"No."

"Desist playing this song immediately!" Worf demanded. "It is highly vexing!"

"Would ye prefer 'It Be a Small World' or 'Cuban Pete'?" Barbossa replied.

"I am not familiar with those songs," Worf grumbled. "Do you have anything from the Klingon opera Aktuh and Maylota?

"Aye," Barbossa said. "Mayhaps ye should sing a few bars while I go find it."

"How will that help you find the song?" Worf growled. "Just put it on the radio!"

"It be in the back," Barbossa said, "'n I cannot be havin' dead air. Either ye sing or ye get another chorus o' 'Song That Be Not Endin' No Matter How Much Ye Beg.'"

"Fine," Worf snapped. "I will sing."

And so he began to sing the main love theme from Aktuh and Maylota. (http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Image:Aktuh_and_Maylota.ogg)

Surprisingly, Worf has a lovely singing voice.

Unfortunately Klingon Opera sounds a lot like a Bardakian pronghorn moose attempting to mate.

"MAYLOTA... MAAAY-LOT-A..."

"That be beautiful!" Barbossa said when he returned with the same piece of music. "Ye be soundin' almost professional!"

"That is very unlikely," Worf said with a scowl. "Do you have the music?"

"Aye," Barbossa said. "Here ye go. Be sure t' turn it up nice 'n loud."

He flipped the track on and cranked it up.

Barbossa's tastes were questionable.

"Hey," Sokka pouted. "You mentioned 'Cuban Pete' to Forehead, but you didn't actually play it. Put it on!"

"First ye have t' sing the first verse," Barbossa decided.

Sokka grinned and sang

They call me Cuban Pete
I'm the king of the rhumba beat
When I play the maracas I go
Chick chicky boom
Chick chicky BOOM!!!

If you listened really closely, you could hear Momo Jr. chittering along in the background.

"Very nice," Barbossa said. "Here be th' rest o' the song, goin' out t' our unlamented former Vice Principal."

Because this never, ever goes wrong. Really.

Oh, look, the phone was ringing.

"This be the pirate, how can I be helpin' ye?

"Yeah, hi, I'm...Ted Mosby and I don't have love advice so much as a medical one," he said. Marshall really didn't want to go back to the clinic after last weekend. "So, I, um, might've thought those colorful rocks were some free Fruity Pebbles and didn't realize they were rocks until after I ate a spoonful. Am I going to die?"

"Probably," Barbossa said, nodding. "I recommend drinkin' rum. If ye find yerself fallin' into a coma, don't be askin' the squirrels t' help ye. They be bastards."

"I'm going to die, but I should drink rum and not get help from squirrels. Right," Marshall repeated. Maybe calling a pirate hadn't been a good idea. "Well, thanks for your advice. I guess I should go make myself a drink."

"Maybe find yerself a wench before th' end," Barbossa added.

He was so helpful.

"Oh, I already have myself a wench," Marshall said.

Wait, no! He was supposed to be Ted.

"I mean, no I don't! I should find myself a wench," he said. "And treat her nicely but then say something incredibly weird and awkward to her just as things are getting good. Yes. Thank you, sir."

"Ye be welcome?" Barbossa replied, sounding a little confused.

Marco was bored. He was also pink. One of those helped explain why he was calling the radio station.

"Ye be on wit' the pirate," Barbossa replied.

"Why am I pink?"

"Because green be a ridiculous color fer a human bein'?"

"But I'm not green! I'm bright neon pink!"

"It be because ye ate too many vegetables," Barbossa made up. "Drink more rum."

Marco starred at the phone. "Okay. Were the vegetables blue?"

"Ye were th' one who ate 'em," Barbossa replied. "Ye tell me."

"I don't eat vegetables. Generally." Marco pointed out.

"'n now we all know why ye shouldn't," Barbossa said. "They be turnin' ye pink!"

Somewhere along the line Barbossa had lost track of this conversation.

The squirrels like treats. Just putting that out there.

Yay, pirate!

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Pirate Radio [Thursday afternoon]

Make a song request!

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Ask for advice!

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Stop by the studio!

OOC