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Coyote Medicine, Tuesday

Where has Coyote been for the last several weeks?

Do you really want to know?

Perhaps it's best to simply acknowledge that, wherever he went, he came home with a large supply of novelty bottle cap opener key chains, twelve rubber duckies, a number of cheaply made finger puppets, and a small hank of wool stuck between his front teeth.

Yes, I think perhaps that is best.

Coyote Medicine
Tribal Artifacts and Medicine Man Services
The Medicine Man is ACTUALLY HERE, OMG

Coyote Medicine was open. And looking ever so slightly Oriental Trading-ish.

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Or do a puppet show!

Coyote doesn't know what "OMG" means. He just likes the way the letters look smooshed together.

Amber had two reasons for stopping in this particular store, and she hoped that both her needs could be met.

She glanced around, brows raised. "Hello?"

Coyote stood up from behind the counter, his arms spread wide. "Welcome to my store! How may I help you spend your money?"

She smiled and introduced herself first. "Hi, I'm Amber Atkins and I was hoping that I might could ask a favor of you? It's for a class project."

"Hello Amber Atkins, I am Coyote. And what tribute will you pay me for this favor?"

She blinked. "Um. What tribute would you like, Mr. Coyote?" She had money, not much, but hopefully enough.

"That probably depends on the favor. But I like tobacco. And sugar. And women. Well . . . females, anyway. Cats are good, too. Tasty."

Oh. Wow. Amber better mention the favor first. "Well, I've been sick, really sick -" she was still really pale with dark circles under her eyes "- and I was hoping to try something else besides all the medicine I've been taking. And... for the class project I was hoping I might could get a picure of you, doing something... medicine-y."

"Ah, you need Miracle Medicine! Cures all your ills! Stops coughing, sneezing, sore throat, fever, boils, plague, small pox, rashes, gout, gangrene, indigestion, dislocated shoulders, bullet wounds, gas, congestion, screech owls, sudden death, and high blood pressure! It may also increase the size of a certain male body part, but I haven't heard back from the lab results on that one. Side effects are generally mild and include coughing, sneezing, sore throat, fever, boils, plague, small pox, rashes, gout, gangrene, indigestion, dislocated shoulders, bullet wounds, gas, congestion, screech owls, sudden death, high blood pressure, and shrinkage."

She cocked her head in slight wonderment. He was for real, right? "How... or what, I mean okay. Do you have to perform some sort of ritual smoke medicine chant or... anything?" That would be a great picture and just like on TV.

"Would it make you feel better if I did?"

"Yes," she said quickly. "I think so? I mean, if that's what you do. And I can take your picture?"

Coyote raised an eyebrow. "I am Coyote, child, I do what I want to do. I made up all the rituals. But if you mean is it what my people must do to create the medicines, then, yeah. They have to use the sweat lodge and sing when they open their medicine bundles."

"Of course you do, I didn't mean anything..." Um. "I will accept whatever treatment you think necessary to help me."

Coyote tilted his head. "Do you know your spirit helper?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well, then that is where you should start. Have you ever been on a vision quest?"

Oh. Amber was feeling very much inadequate now. "No. Is that necessary?"

"It's helpful. When you find your spirit helper, they can tell you the best kind of medicine to use. They can grant you strength and guidance." If you were lucky and didn't get a lazy ass like Coyote as your spirit helper, anyway. "For now, I think what you need is a sweat."

"A sweat. Okay. Maybe I can go on a vision quest another time." Though she had no idea what that entailed. Not that she knew what a sweat was either, exactly.

"We have a sweat lodge here. You will want to take off all of your clothes. And don't stay in too long, if you haven't done it before. I won't go to the Underworld to get you back if you croak."

Maybe like a sauna? "I will be alone in this lodge, right?" But she needed a picture. "But I need a picture."

"Men and women don't sweat together. It's naked time, but it's not sex time." This clearly made a great deal of sense to Coyote. "A picture wouldn't work in there, anyway. Too much steam."

It made a great deal of sense to Amber too and she appreciated his pointing that out to her.

"No. It wouldn't." Hm. "Might I just take your picture then?"

"Will you tell people who I am and where the shop is when you show them the picture?"

"Yes... but only if that is all right with you?"

"Alright? I insist! The people of this town have spent too long in ignorance of the great presence who walks occasionally among them when he's bored!"

"Right," she grinned. "I will tell them about you and this store and hopefully it will encourage them to come this way, especially if I can tell them that you helped heal me. That's important, you know."

"That's a good tribute. But I think some money would be nice, too."

"Oh, yah!" she dug into her purse and took out her wallet and her camera. "How much?"

Coyote considered this. "How much do you have?"

Amber checked. "Forty bucks."

"You're in luck! It will only cost you 39.99!"

Great. She handed over two twenties and then picked up her camera. "Just a few shots," she said.

"Of course!" Coyote opened the cash register, mugging for the camera the whole time he put the money away and made change for her. (Oooo, great change, a whole penny!)

She took a few shots of him, just like she said, and told him, "You can uh, just keep the penny. And I'm ready for the sweat room if you want to show me where it is." Hopefully it helped.

Coyote snatched the penny back halfway through gesturing to offer it and grinned wolfishly. "Thank you! And yes, this way!"

He lead her to the back of the store where the sweat lodge was. Lucky for Amber, he'd just discovered that eucalyptus smelled funny, and as such, the steam in the lodge was just a little bit mentholated. Very good for when you weren't feeling well. . . .

"Okay, well, thank you. I won't stay in long." But the scent combined with her tired self, might argue with her mentality to not sweat to death.

She really probably shouldn't. Coyote wasn't kidding about the not going to the Underworld to fetch her.

He kind of might owe Anubis some cash after the last time. . . .

Or do a puppet show! Just, you know, be aware: you sweat on it, you bought it.

As instructed, Amber stripped and settled down to allow the steam to affect her and rid her of the lasting effects of being sick.

She closed her eyes and hoped this worked.

First: OMGYAY I remembered to post on a Tuesday.
Second: Dude, look at what I have to deal with in this document I'm working on:

Medicaare Spendinng Per Capiita by Hospiital Referraal Region, 20006

I think my spellchecker might actually jump out of my computer to strangle me with little red lines.

WTF, that looks like the subject line of an email attempting to bypass spam filters.

Edited 2009-03-10 16:45 (UTC)

And yet, it's the title for an image used in testimony to Congress regarding the President's plan for health reform.

Of course, our PDF copy looks fine. It's just when it's converted to Word that half or more of the words have doubled letters. . . .

*Stares* Or something written in Icelandic or Norwegion. Wth? Sheeesh.

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Coyote Medicine, Tuesday

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