The Perk, Thursday Afternoon

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack stared down at his coffee.

In order to drink it, he'd have to take the hand off his mouth, and... well if that happened, it wouldn't be pretty. Not that he would be embarrassed, no, just... it was the principle of the thing. Everyone else was bursting into song around him, sure, but at least most of their songs were decent. Jack had had meta for Pinafore -- or was it Penzance? -- on the brain all day, and it was NOT GOING AWAY.

He stared at his coffee some more. He really could use the coffee.

Aw, hell.

Somehow the act of taking his hand off his mouth turned into climbing onto the table and saluting. DAMMIT! And, of course, the singing.

I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee.
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

The worst part was, he'd knocked over his coffee.

Comments

[irulan-atreides.livejournal.com]

Hey, you know where Irulan wasn't going to? Home. Not that it mattered after what happened in the diner but she needed another jolt of caffeine she hoped she could order coffee without singing.

Before she could though, the man climbed up the tables and started singing.