Dite's Decadent Delights, Sunday

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Aphrodite was writing a letter.

Dear Cupid,
It's Parents Weekend for the kids at the school and I was introduced to the family members of a young friend of mine. You should have been here. Really.

Really. *crinkle, crinkle* The paper was tossed over her shoulder, and the pan pointed to the next piece of paper.

Dear Cupid,
I met the most interesting people on Friday. They were -- frighteningly familiar.

No. More crinkling. Another paper hit the floor. Another attempt.

Dear Cupid,
I'm sorry you and Psyche couldn't be here this weekend. It's not fair fine that you weren't, but --

And no. *Sigh* One final try.

Dear Cupid,
I miss you.
You should come visit. Bring Psyche and Bliss.
Love,
Your Mom

There. Nice and succinct. No mention of momentary frights or familiar family members.

After folding the letter, she placed it in an envelope and sealed it, placing a kiss on it that left a bright red outline. Then with a zap it was gone, winging its way between the worlds to Cupid.

Moments later the blinds were raised, the sign was turned to 'Open' and Aphrodite was settling behind the counter with the book she'd found hidden away.

"'An Erotic Novel of Maid Marion'? Raven, you naughty girl."

Dite's Decadent Delights is open.

(ooc: Open store, open post, just . . . open.)

Comments

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie was on a mission. A very important mission. One that promised lots of embarrassment and humiliation for those who stood her up this weekend.

And what better place to find what she needed for this than at Dite's Decadent Delights. There was none, and Yuffie grinned manically as she opened the door.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

When the door opened, Aphrodite looked up. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this young girl with an almost wicked grin on her face.

She reminded herself that it was Fandom and smiled back.

"Hi! Welcome to 'Dite's Decadent Delights! I'm 'Dite, what can I do for you today?"

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie bounced up to the counter and slapped a piece of paper on top. "I have a list."

She almost made it sound like it was a grand prize or something.

"First, I need a sex machine, and I need to have it engraved."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"Sex ma-- engraved?" Aphrodite's eyes went wide for a moment, and then she raised her hands. She wasn't even sure she wanted to look at the list.

"Okay, wait, wait . . . first off, can we start with your name? Second -- a list of what? And three -- what kind of machine are we talking about?"

Vibrators were machines, though she wasn't sure how easy it would be to engrave anything coated in silicone.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Oh!" Yuffie was still riding the sugar wave right now. "My name is Yuffie, and I'm sending gifts. And one of those machines that you hook a dildo into and then it does all the work! I saw them online, but I don't have a credit card that they consider valid."

She didn't have one, period.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"Riiiiiight."

She had one of those machines. It was in the back, in the storage room. But she wasn't admitting to that yet.

"Nice to meet you, Yuffie. So, you're sending gifts? Like what? Tell me what all's on your list?"

This should be interesting.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie snickered and started to read off her list.

"Okay, well, the machine is for Tifa. For Cloud, I need three blow up dolls, as realistic as possible. One brunette, one dark blonde and a guy one that needs to be very light blond or silver haired. Oh, and a bottle of viagra, but I can get that somewhere else. And then I need a furry suit, preferably a cat or a monkey, for Reeve. And then, a couple of those fleshlight things, for Cid and Barret. I already found some decorative sleeves to go over the top of them."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Her eyes were very wide when Yuffie finished her list.

She blinked several times, then tilted her head. "I think I can do everything but the viagra and furry suit, though I can order one of those online if you promise not to tell anyone I did it."

Aphrodite leaned forward. "I'm gathering that you're . . . not exactly happy with these people. Either that or you're really into gag gifts."

She doubted that last one. A sex machine was a perfect way to tell someone to go screw themselves.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie smirked. "Maybe I'm just worried that they're working themselves too hard. And I solemnly swear not to tell anyone about the suit."

"Now, about the engraving. It needs to say 'Cloud 9, Tifa's back-up Sex Machine'."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Yep. This was one angry kid.

"And, how do you plan on paying for all of this?"

If Yuffie had reason to be angry, there might be a discount, but not even Aphrodite was giving away a free sex machine.

But maybe the pogo stick would do. Hm.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Angry enough to be very blatantly rude to people. And then completely ignore them afterwards.

"Oh, that's the easy part," Yuffie said. She pulled a small bag of gil (http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Gil) from her pocket and set it on the counter. "T&C gives me a pretty good exchange rate, but if I figured it wrong, I have more."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"That'll work." Aphrodite had a feeling she should just get used to this look of surprise on her face.

With a sigh, she picked up the laptop she kept under the counter, lifting the lid. "First things first, let's look for that furry suit you wanted. You said a cat or a monkey? Any preference or just what I can find?"

Don't ask how she knew how to find this site. She was the goddess of love. There were many things she knew that she didn't necessarily want to know.

"Wanna tell me what, who was it, Reeve? Did to deserve this suit?"

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie smirked and leaned against the counter. "The cat, preferably. He's got a thing for robotic animals that look and act realistic. And all of them cancelled on me at the last moment after promising to be here."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Her fingers paused over the track pad and she turned to Yuffie. "Did they give a good reason? Plague? Natural disaster? Aliens attacking?" Aphrodite had never actually seen an alien, that she knew of, but she had read science fiction and this was Fandom.

"Any other reasons? Car accidents? Acne breakout? Anything?"

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Nope. Just that they couldn't make it and they were sure I wouldn't miss them because the others would be here."

Which meant that they had forgot until Yuffie's reminder calls on Wednesday night.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"You mean they all gave that excuse? Every one of them?" That would even annoy her. And she'd already been annoyed.

"Okay, cat suit is ordered (http://www.beastcub.com/index.htm). Probably take a few days, but with the time adjustment, not more than a week." She looked at Yuffie. "Not even a lame, 'I have a cold, atchoo'? That sucks."

Aphrodite turned away from the computer. "Now, the blow up dolls are easy, the fleshlights (http://www.fleshlight.com/) I have, and you said you have the sleeves, so . . . I think that just leaves the machine. I recommend the pogo stick (http://www.extremerestraints.com/fucking-machines_48/pogo-stick-sex-machine_1690.html). Simple, obvious, and not as hard to ship."

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Can it be engraved though? Because that's the most important part. Especially if she opens it in the bar like she usually does."

Yuffie was planning for that part.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"I don't see why not. It's black metal, with strategically placed foam." She clapped her hands. "I know! We could engrave it, then fill the engraving with silver. It'll really stand out then."

This was the goddess once known almost as much for her jealousy as her beauty. Petty revenge was something that came came naturally to her.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Oooh, I like your style." This was one goddess she could definitely like. "So, I could come back in a week and pick all of this up? It might take me that long to get all the shipping stuff figured out."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"A week would work fine." 'Dite nodded. "Do you want any cards with the other gifts? I could wrap things, and have the cards ready for you to sign next week?"

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I'll have to work on those. I want to get the wording just right." Which meant snarky and bitchy without sounding snarky and bitchy.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Which Aphrodite was well aware of. "Well, you work on that this week and I'll set everything up here. Oh, and don't forget to bring those sleeves with you. Trust me, it's much better to send it all at once -- makes a much better impression."

Something she knew a lot about.

"Now, is there anything else I can do for you? Something a little more personal?" She grinned. "After all, a girl can't live on revenge alone."

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"Hmm. Oh! I know. I need a riding crop and one of those fish from the aquarium deal."

She already had the rest of what she needed wanted.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"Well, the riding crop isn't a problem, but --" A fish? A real, live fish from her fish tank? "Please tell me you're talking about one of the fish vibrators?"

She didn't want to sell her fish! They were like . . . like . . . family. Just more boring.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Of course that's what Yuffie had been talking about.

"Yeah, from when you had the free vibe deal for voting on the aquarium. You're not out, are you?"

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

"Oh, nooooo! People seem to like them for some reason." Maybe it was the way the eyes vibrated.

She led the way toward the back of the store, turning to the left. "Vibrators are back here." One shelf held a quantity of boxes that said 'Rub My Fishie'.

"Riding crops are over on the other side." She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at Yuffie. "Can I ask what the crop is for? I don't usually sell things like that to young people."

They could have condoms and vibrators all they wanted, but things to apply pain, she worried about.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Maybe is the fact that they looked like harmless toys and their parents would never think twice about it!

"Oh, it's for Elena's boss. It's a thing that has to do with the day that we all turned into guys. I want to see if I can make him twitch."

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Right. Yuffie might have to explain that a little bit more.

" . . . you want to explain that a little more? What does a riding crop have to do with when we turned into guys," she shuddered slightly in remembrance, "and who's Elena? More importantly, who's her boss and why should he twitch?"

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie giggled. "Okay, Elena is my friend, sort of in a weird way, who works at Pixie Dust. On guy day, she turned into a guy who looked a lot like her boss's boss, who is a complete and utter jerk. So, we took some interesting photos, some of which included a riding crop, that can definitely be used as blackmail for him later. And her boss is here, and I want to make Mister 'Nothing Fazes Me' twitch."

It totally made sense in her head.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

The odd thing was, it made sense in Aphrodite's mind as well. Or, at least as much as it could, having no first hand knowledge of most of these people.

"Right." She nodded. "Well, for that you just need a simple crop. I think I have three colors right now; red, black, and purple."

Cause purple crops were just cool.

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

Yuffie looked at the red one with interest and so not because it matched Vincent's coat but pointed at the black one. "That one will work. And if Tseng cracks, it will be the highlight of my day."

Along with drinking and making cracks about Reno and the sugar crash.

[divinesurfchick.livejournal.com]

Still smiling, Aphrodite pulled the black riding crop out of the display and handed it to Yuffie.

If what's-his-name cracks, you better come back and tell me about it."

[gotyourmateria.livejournal.com]

"You got it. I'll bring you back all the fun details."

And possibly copies of the voicemails from the gifts.