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Dite's Decadent Delights, Thursday

When Jack arrived at work today, he was prepared. He'd left the real guns at home, so he wouldn't HURT the little venomous critters, but he'd gone out and bought a paintball gun and a bandolier full of ammo for it.

Of course, he wasn't expecting the web of Silly String across the door. "Oh, come ON," he complained. "I know you didn't get that out of inventory. There's no reason this place would have Silly String. Now you're just MESSING with us."

He didn't get REALLY mad until he pushed through the web and a bucket of strawberry-flavored edible warming lotion dumped onto his head. He aimed his gun at the snickers coming from the dark corners of the store.

"I know what you're thinking, punks. You're thinking 'did he load that gun yet, or not?' Now to tell you the truth, I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a paintball rifle and will sting like a MOTHER, you've gotta ask yourself a question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punks?"

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"Psssst! Jack!"

An hour after the store opened, Aphrodite had transported into the back room and was now peeking out from the door. "How've things been going?"

"Well enough," Jack told her, gesturing at a couple of gremlins piled unconscious in a corner with paint splatters between their eyes. He still smelled strongly of strawberries and felt warm, tingly, and sticky. "More or less."

"I'd ask what happened to you, but I don't think I want to know." She ducked as another missile was thrown. "I think I have a way to end this, that doesn't involve dumping them all in the pond or leaving them unconscious in corners."

*splat* She turned, orange paint in her hair, glaring at the laughing gremlin. "But I'm perfectly willing to dump you there again, you little twerp!"

"Of course you have a way to end this," Jack told her, firing at the gremlin that had just hit her, and missing. "You're a god. So, do something... I dunno, godly."

"Hey! I'm the goddess of love. It's not like I can --" Several more missiles flew through the air at both of them, "-- blow them all to smithereens like you can!" She batted at a water filled condom, pouting when it burst all over her.

"Dratted rats!" Her eyes widened. "Jack, behind you!"

Jack turned around quickly, and promptly got hit in the face by three colorful condoms full of lube. "Ohhhhhh, yeah," he grumbled. "This is what I came in to work today for."

He fired off a few shots, but couldn't see well enough to aim them.

"So, you're saying no lightning bolts, or... burning bushes, or whatever?"

Seeing Jack momentarily disabled, the gremlins attacked, the air suddenly full of objects flying and splatting and bursting.

"No, Jack! No lightning bolts, no divine fire, no burning -- stop that!"

She fired a love bolt at two gremlins, who knocked heads trying to avoid it and ended up laying on the floor, tiny hearts circling them.

"All right, everybody stop!"

To her surprise, the gremlins froze, staring at her. She stared back, whispering to Jack out of the side of her mouth, "Just stay still, Jack. I have a plan."

"Staying still," Jack agreed. "Also, dripping."

He looked around at the gremlins. "If your plan involves us jumping out of a giant wooden horse, they probably already know that one."

This time, the glare was for Jack.

The she carefully held up one hand. A bottle appeared in it.

"This . . . is the world's strongest love potion!" (It wasn't.)
"One whiff of this, and you'll be practically enslaved . . ." (They wouldn't) "because you'll all fall madly in love with me." (They wouldn't) "And Jack." (They so wouldn't)
"If you leave my store alone from now on, I won't open the bottle. But if you don't . . ." She reached for the lid. "Do we have a deal?"

She thought she'd pulled off a really great bluff. She absolutely fooled Jack. Right?

Jack stared at the bottle.

And took a GIANT step backwards.

If Jack believed it, the gremlins had to!

For a moment they all stood still, staring at each other. Dite eyed the gremlins, the gremlins looked at Aphrodite.

Then the first gremlin threw down his supply of blown up condoms and headed for one of the holes in the back of the store. Another dropped his sling shot (made from a very sheer lacy bra) and crawled back down the vent, disappearing. Several others dropped their weapons and ammunition and turned to leave, only occasionally stomping on abandoned condom bombs and cackling.

Almost all of them had left the store, when Aphrodite zapped the bottle out of existence and turned to Jack with a grin.

"It worked!" She tried to look not so excited. "I knew it would."

"I do feel just a tiny bit insulted that they didn't want to be in love with me," Jack told her. "I mean, what's not to like, right?"

He wiped some of the goop off his face. "Please tell me you can just 'zap' the place clean," he griped. "I really don't feel like... hey, look out!"

As the final gremlin crawled into the vent, he'd seen something that made him grin. It was an unexploded condom bomb, but this one had a slight glow to it. As his final parting gesture, this gremlin carefully picked it up and threw it as hard as he could at the blond lady's back.

He had good aim, prompting Jack's yell.

Aphrodite felt the bomb explode against her back, and would have turned around to glare, but this condom was filled with water tainted with a small love potion, one that was short lived, but meant to stun who ever it hit.

And it still worked.

'Dite's eyes widened, then glazed over and she tilted forward into Jack's arms.

"Hi, Jack. Did you know you're really cute? You have such great eyes. I think you're really swe--" Then she passed out, sliding towards the floor.

Cleaning would have to wait till tomorrow.

Jack sighed. "Yup, the women are just falling all OVER me."

He pulled down enough lacy... things off the racks to make up a comfortable bed for Aphrodite, and then shrugged.

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Dite's Decadent Delights, Thursday

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