The Causeway, Saturday Morning

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

One minute, Jeff had been on the phone with Steve. Steve had had a firm lecture in place for Jeff, something along the lines of how no normal person on Earth ever managed to be late to a high school reunion 'because she wore clogs' and how, honestly, Jeff had had a girlfriend (and how terrifying was that), he should be able to at least talk to women without telling them their hair looked as if they'd just spent the morning encased in beeswax.

Steve was still lecturing when Jeff got onto the causeway, and so Jeff stopped listening for a few seconds to look up and experience the atmospheric marzipan rain. He was back all right.

He stepped into the rain, wondering whether or not he should have brought a helmet--

--"Soon, I'll be back where I belong. I'll be back where I lost her. And then Fandom Island will know the true face... of PORN JELLY."

There was a beat.

"Oh, god," Steve said, "What did you see now?"

Jeff hung up. "I need a new producer."

[[ open to those wanting to use the causeway, and those wanting to bump into jeff ]]

Comments

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack had been out for a pleasant morning stroll when he spotted Jeff. "It's YOU!!!" he cried. He ran towards Jeff, ready to sweep him into his arms, but tripped and fell over the side of the causeway into the surf, hitting his head on a rock and drowning a lot.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff paused, lowering his phone, and wandered up to the side of the causeway to peer on down. "Producer," he told his phone, "I think I just killed someone just with the sight of me."

"Jeff, I can think of someone who, right now, would not object to killing you at the sight of you."

"Get this on camera!"

"I'm not actually there, Jeff."

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jacks arms thrashed in a froth of bubbles, and then sank slowly into the curiously deep water, drowning more until he was even deader.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff peered down at the excessively dead person, nonplussed. "You know," he said, "I should probably do something about that."

Magnanimously, he reached into his pocket, took out his enormous bankroll, and dropped a fiver on the sinking corpse. "Buy yourself a nice frock."

[withoutverona]

Romeo Montague, heir to the Montague strip club fortune until he'd been disinherited by his father -- something about the blind not being good judges of stripper's talents -- stiffened in his agonizingly slow path against the causeway to shake his white cane in the direction of an unfortunately familiar voice.

"Is that the man who blinded me? I'm cursed twice."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"It's you!" Jeff hissed, shoving his phone into his jacket. "Haven't you learned your lesson? Haven't your eyes taught you about... sensibleness with other people's women!"

[withoutverona]

"You took my eyes, Murdock, but you can never take my dreams," Romeo hissed right back.

He had no idea what dream he was talking about, since the whole strip club magnate thing was pretty dead, but it sounded good.

"Turtle loved me the way she never could have loved you!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Turtle loved me with all her heart and soul!" he proclaimed. "She would have stuck with me! The one who can actually see things and still has an empire left!"

Oh, that cane could never hold him off if they got into a catfight.

[withoutverona]

"She wasn't shallow the way you are," Romeo spat. "She loved me as more than a pair of blue eyes. And someday, my blindness will be cured, and I'll be able to buy and sell you three times before breakfast."

Romeo was pretty wicked with the cane, though not being able to see made his catfights a little problematic. He was working on it.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"You'll never have a proper business again," Jeff crowed, moving on on him. "I would know. I shut down your family's strip clubs and turned them into calling centers!"

[withoutverona]

Romeo gasped. "You'd stoop that low? I shouldn't be surprised."

He placed the cane between them to gain a bit of physical distance. "I would think you would at least think of the strippers. Did you keep them on as operators?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Well, who knows what I did with the strippers," Jeff said, baring his teeth in a smile. Really. "Not like you can see them, right?"

[withoutverona]

"I could see just fine until you made that horrible movie to fry out my corneas," Romeo said. "And I can still sense the strippers. It's an art, an art you will never appreciate."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"The courts said the film wasn't my fault," Jeff contributed. Helpfully. He circled Romeo like a cat, because it looked nice that way. "I appreciate strippers. I appreciate them a lot."

[withoutverona]

"You aren't 'appreciating' Diamond, are you?" Romeo asked suspiciously.

Ah, Diamond -- his beautiful one, the only woman he'd ever loved (besides Turtle. And Rikku), and the mother of the quadruplets who had been tragically kidnapped by their nanny before being hidden away in a boarding school where they'd age to a more attractive age.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

The nanny who was, mysteriously, on Jeff's payroll. But that was a secret... for another time.

"She's quite a lively one, isn't she?" Jeff asked, with a suaveness he'd never manage when he was in the right mind. "And Ruby, too..."

[withoutverona]

"Ruby is my half-sister, you son of a ..." Despite Romeo's anger, he trailed off there. Daytime language regulations. "And" -- dramatic music of revelation -- "she's been spying on you."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Shock!

"That's what you'd like to think," Jeff hissed back, homing in on him. "She has never been anything but loyal to me! And our secret Egyptian brood!"

[[ sp due to me celebrating Sinterklaas with the cousinlets, alas ]]

[withoutverona]

Romeo did the only logical thing.

He swung out wildly with his cane.

[OOC: NP, have fun!]

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

No! Foiled! The cane struck Jeff's arm much harder than what was actually physically possible. He grabbed for it, his arm still hurting! So much! "LET IT GO, MONTAGUE!"

[withoutverona]

"DEATH FIRST, MURDOCK," Romeo returned, shaking the cane wildly to try to wrest it back from Jeff's deceptively strong fingers.

He did not, in fact, want to die, but it seemed to be what one said.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"WE CAN MAKE THAT SO!" he cackled, tugging. Tugging!

And swatting at Romeo's head in quite possibly the girliest fighting move known to man.

[withoutverona]

"MY HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIR!" Romeo yowled as he fell to his knees, cane temporarily surrendered to Jeff. "Do you know how hard it is to do your hair when you're blind? You will rue the day!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff held up the cane, and smirked. Like a shark. A devilish and evil shark with too much money to his name. "We'll see how you can manage any rueing without THIS! Or hair gel!"

He was going to buy up hair gel factories. Mwahaha.

[withoutverona]

"You can have my cane, Jeffrey," Romeo said, rising and turning in completely the wrong direction. "I can buy canes. You will never take away my hair gel."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I can!" Jeffrey crowed, cackling. "You just watch me, Romeo. I will take your hair gel as you tried to take... the one apple of my soul."

Jeff and words had always been interesting bedmates.

[l1ttle-billy.livejournal.com]

Burk Devlin William Kessler had returned to Fandom.

He had been gone for a few years. Some had even thought he was dead. Soon they would all see how wrong they were.

And someone would pay for what they had done.