Wellspring Arms [all day]

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Biff wasn't here today, working with weapons and plotting his twin brother's deah. Nay! Nay! Biff was locked in a cold, damp basement and Ffib, his evil twin (shut up, Ffib was an excellent name), was wandering through the store, giving all of the weapons pet names and cackling to himself.

Wellsprings Arms was open, but God help you if you choose to enter...

Comments

[makesfaces.livejournal.com]

"Hey, Biff," Jim said, walking into the store with the camera guy in tow. There was too much greatness around town to leave him behind. "... Are you cackling?"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"No," Ffib said immediately. And in a terrible French accent. "And so what if I was? Zere iz nuzzin wrong with a bit of cackling!"

[makesfaces.livejournal.com]

"Is that supposed to be French or German?" Jim asked.

*****

"The sad thing is that I wasn't sure whether or not Biff was being weird or just felt like talking in a horrible accent."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"I haff no idea vat you are talking about," Ffib said, now using an equally bad German accent.

[makesfaces.livejournal.com]

"Okay, that one's German," Jim noted. "Have you noticed anything strange around here lately?"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Nyet," Ffib replied, shaking his head. "You should go away! Just in case."

[makesfaces.livejournal.com]

"Just in case of what?" Jim asked.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Just in case something horrible were to happen to you!" Ffib said, throwing back his head and cackling.

Hopefully the cackling would distract from the Jamaican accent he'd been sporting.

[makesfaces.livejournal.com]

"Yikes," Jim said. "Okay then. I'll see you back at home."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Not if I see you first!" Ffib said. Fiendishly.

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

"Hello! I'm Mountain-Dew Stark-Bass," Said the newly-renamed and illegally documented Amnesia!Woman. "Could I possibly trouble you for an extravagant object of consumer worship? Oh, that's a lovely sword."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Her name is Sophie," Ffib said in a thick Hungarian accent. "She is not for sale."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

ZIIIING!

Sophie... Sophie... Sophie.... Sophie! AKA Mountain Dew stared at him in a daze, and then said, "What an utterly gorgeous name. I must have it. Pleeeeease?" She dipped her head and looked at him through her eyelashes. "I'll pay anything!"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"No," Ffib said in an even more ridiculous thicker Arabic accent. "She is my favorite."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

SOOOOPHIIIIIIE!

A quick-cut of: Sophie on-stage, conning a Hong Kong businessman, arguing with Nate about his drinking, kissing Geoffrey, a blender, some lemons, a little salt, and then a migraine, VOILA.

"Isn't there any way I could convince you to let me borrow it? Have it? Touch it? Pleeeease?"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Give me ten thousand dollars and you can touch it for ten seconds," Ffib declared, traces of Thailand in his voice.

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

"Platinum Visa work for you?" AKA Mountain Dew, possibly Sophie asked.

Then she had a little fugue moment about Thailand.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Is it your Platinum Visa?"

Around here, it was never imprudent to check.

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

Cath-Mari-Anna-Mountain-Dew-Sophie smiled. "No. Now it's yours."

SHE NEEDED THAT SWORD FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS, OKAY?

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"How much is left on the account?" Ffib asked. Maybe he could afford that cloning tank...

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

"At least twenty thousand, I believe. I haven't even used it for anything other than one hotel room."

Somewhere, Maureen Parker was going to be upset about this weekend's charges.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Ffib tapped his finger thoughtfully against his lips. "And this is only to touch it, mind. If you touch it and race for the door, I will have to kill you with my kung fu grip."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

"I would never!"

She so would. But not now that he'd mentioned it, curse it!

"I'm certain that one touch will help-- I mean, give me an idea for a gift for my brother!"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"I don't care if you want to make out with it for ten seconds," Ffib said, sounding like he'd recently escaped Brooklyn, "but it doesn't leave the shop."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

"Give me Sophie for ten seconds--" SOOOOOPHIIIIIIIE! "--and I won't ask you for anything else already!" Weirdly, her own accent was now straight out of Brooklyn as well.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Fine," Ffib said reaching for the credit card before handing the shiny, shiny sword over.

And then he stood by the door because really. You don't manage to kidnap your own brother by being an idiot.

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

Very smart! Or he might have ended up gutted there.

Instead, he got to watch Sophie run through a series of ninja-esque sword movies, then finally stop with the sword pointed directly at his heart.

....yeah, nothing.

"Fiddlesticks."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"I work in a weapons store," Ffib said, pulling a truly ludicrously large gun out of his ass from...somewhere. "Please, peaches. Put the thing down."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

Mountain Dew's voice dropped to Cockney. "Right, Guv'nor. It's a fair cop." She flipped the blade over to hand it to him, hilt-first. "Ta for the effort, then. No hard feelings?"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"None at all," Ffib said, accents all Bad RenFest as he took the weapon back and moved out of the doorway. "Have a good day."

[magdaofslovenia.livejournal.com]

Cath-Mari-Anna-Mountain-Sophie skipped out the door, and went out to find herself. Maybe.

Or maybe just another platinum card!

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack had been out for a pleasant morning stroll, and decided to stop in the gun shop to look for Christmas gifts. He picked up a particularly exquisite gun and started looking it over.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Her name is Lucretia and she is my favorite," Ffib said in a thick Irish accent.

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack sighted down the barrel and checked its balance, and then turned it around and peered into the muzzle. "She's beautiful," he agreed.

Unfortunately, the writers had decided she was loaded even though that was ridiculously implausible, and so she went off in his FACE.

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Ffib shrieked like a little girl. "Oh my God!"