The Streets of Fandom, Tuesday Morning

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack was glad that when he'd been abducted from his bed this morning, the malevolent pastries had grabbed the sheets and blankets as well. Underneath the layers that bound him tightly, he was only wearing a t-shirt and boxers, so he was just happy to not be freezing his nuts off. As it was, his toes were getting cold.

The parade of fruitcakes marched down the street, carrying him a few inches off the ground. They kept making bizarre little squelchy cheers, and occasionally trying to cram themselves down his throat. "Guys! GUYS!" Jack called, trying to get their attention. "Don't you think this is maybe a little TOO meta for Gulliver?"

The weetiny protest signs saying things like "LET FRUITCAKE BE FRUITCAKE" and "EAT US NOW!!!" were definitely way too over the top.

Comments

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"..." Look, you didn't see that sort of thing every day. Even in Ankh-Morpork. Vimes had to stare for a good minute before his next instinct, after the facepalm, was to break it up.

"Alright now, I think we've got the point."

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

The fruitcakes waved their signs and squelched at Vimes. One particularly enterprising little sweet attempted to climb up his trouser leg.

"I got the point ten minutes ago," Jack told him. "Hasn't stopped them. They're persistent little bastards."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"I could see that," Vimes replied with the utmost in sincerity. To what part of Jack's response he was replying was best left up to him. "Shouldn't they be trying the school? I'm sure they'll eat most anything up there."

Teenagers.

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

"You'd think."

Jack raised an eyebrow at Vimes. "You know, not to tell you how to do your job or anything," he said with a dry, biting tone, "but... I don't suppose you could untie me? I'd really appreciate it."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Very tricky these protests," Vimes pointed out, well versed in ignoring the tone as he nodded seriously. As a copper ought to. "They have rights of a sort, I'm sure."

Somewhere... there was a group of humans who would support any cause, no matter how idiotic it may be.*

He sighed and finally took a bit of pity to untie the man.

*They were called college students.

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

Jack stood up, stretched, and wrapped the blankets (sans rope, this time) tightly around his shoulders. "They have the right to be eaten, I suppose," he offered. "And I have the right to not be stuck out in the snow in bare feet and jammies." He gave Vimes a quick salute. "Thanks."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Always happy to help." Hey, he even managed that with a straight face. It was a Hogswatch miracle! "Any reason they singled you out?"

Ah, a suspicious mind made it all better.

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

That... sounded like some sort of accusation, and Jack didn't like it.

"They must have decided I wasn't fruity enough," he offered.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Not fruity enough." Yes, the italics were needed to emphasize his disbelief. "No history of pastry abuse I ought to be aware of?"

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

"Well, I have been known to absolutely murder a slice of pie..."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Then it appears a motive has been discovered."

[nofishinmypond.livejournal.com]

"Except these cakes are begging to BE eaten. It's all a little backwards."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Who better to help them than an admitted pie murderer?" Vimes countered.