The park [Friday afternoon]

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

Robin, dressed in a very stylish t-shirt, was sitting in a random patch of flowers she'd found, weaving together a little crown.

Besides her was a large box, which read alcohol is bad. recycle yours here and join a life of abstinence!!!!

Robin was proud of how smart this idea of hers was, in fact. She was pretty sure she was doing the island a big favor.

[Robin wants me to take a cement block to my head for this. Totes open.]

Comments

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Angua, in passing, in newly pink bandages, could not avoid commenting.

"That is such a cute shirt! Where did you get it?"

No irony. No sarcasm. And she felt that unfamiliar urge to go shopping and maybe get a pedi-mani rising up yet again. Although, really, after you'd been mauled by a bear earlier that morning, claw maintenance should be the least of your concerns.

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"I ordered it off the internet," Robin said shyly, picking at her shirt lightly. "I'm surprised more people don't have them! Who doesn't love adorable kitties?"

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Exactly!" said Angua, smiling happily to think of warm, fluffy kittens. "Who doesn't enjoy a feline friend? They're so well-mannered and cuddly!"

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"And so soft!" Robin cooed. "And who doesn't love their big, never-closing eyes? So cute!"

Robin was now sort of beaming and glassy-eyed at the mere thought of how cute kitties were.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"I never thought of that!" Angua admitted, sounding thrilled rather than creeped out as she should be. "With the never-closing eyes thing! Adorable. And just how they meow and purr and completely only give you love and attention when they want something..."

Insert Happy, Unironic Sigh here. And now she just wanted to go shopping at the pet store. And not even for dinner!

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"And how they scratch at everything! Oh, they're like fuzzy little warriors, always sharpening their tiny, pokey little claws," Robin sighed happily. "So much better than dogs."

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Angua's nose wrinkled.

"Don't even get me started on dogs."

Not unless you wanted the most impressive, disparaging and openly pitiful self-hate monologue in the entire world.

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"They're so gross," Robin said, her nose also wrinkling.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Totally gross," Angua agreed with a nod, shaking her head and shifting around as if feeling just how gross. "So slobbery and drooling and hairy, and then let's not forget how needy a canine is. Even wolves travel in packs, always needing something, but that just won't do for an independant woman! I don't need a pack, I don't need a best buddy, and I don't need flea collars!"

Cue the scratching behind her ear.

"Gross. This is why vampires are better than werewolves. Just like cats are better than dogs. Sleek and sexy versus messy and needy."

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"Vampires are so admirable," Robin sighed. "Those teenage ones, in the movies? Well, I certainly understand all the appeal there. I think that all those preteen girls have the right idea, chasing after a fictional vampire who just wants to protect his human woman! It's so romantic."

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Oh my gods," gushed Angua, hand to her fluttering, broken heart. "I know. It's such a shame to know that I'm fated to never be worthy of a creature as fine as a vampire. I respect Black Ribboners so much; can you imagine how hard it must be to abstain from drinking blood, the one thing that fuels your very desire?" She nodded toward the box. "Not too dissimilar from what you're promoting here, actually."

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"It's very similar," Robin decided. "I think it shows strength of character, being able to just say no to all your baser needs."

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Absolutely," Angua said with a nod, and held up her bandaged arm. "I wouldn't be in this if I could handle my baser needs better." She sighed, shaking her head.

"Another thing dogs are bad at."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Biff, after spending hours at the church weeping over his sins, noticed her sign as he walked home.

He returned a few minutes later with a giant crate of booze. "When you speak of abstinence," he said, voice shy, "do you only mean alcohol?"

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"No," Robin said, eyes wide and innocent. "I mean all vices. Anything that would harm one's body. Tobacco. Drugs." She dropped her voice to a modest whisper. "Lovemaking out of wedlock."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"So I could dispose of," he blushed, "publications full of lewd pictures? I join the priesthood tomorrow and have been finding the most appalling things in my home."

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"Absolutely," Robin said, her voice fraught with sincerity. "We can put them through my shredder!"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"That sounds wonderful," Biff said, equally sincere. "I suppose I could just snap the DVDs into pieces."

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"You could use them for a higher purpose," Robin said seriously. "Like making them into glitter!"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"Are we sure that wouldn't lead to more pre-martial fornication?" he hissed back conspiratorially.

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

Robin thought that over, and replied, "We could use the glitter to decorate more abstinence signs."

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"I adore arts and crafts," Biff admitted. "Do you have any glue?"

[canadianpopstar.livejournal.com]

"I do!" she said gleefully, looking around until she found a lovely glue stick. "I think glitter will help with the abstinence. People will find it attractive!"

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

"And it is written that sometimes people need signs to help point them towards a righteous life," Biff said piously.

Even though that wasn't written.