Trooper Station, Friday

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

When Vimes woke up this morning, he had been certain of a few things. First of all being that Fandom would in some way manage to make him want to have a drink.

Second, Ralph needed to make more coffee for such an occurrence.

Third... there was bald man with the number 177 on his shirt, standing about in his office. It had only gone down hill from there. As one might expect from finding such a thing.

After an argument or five, he was allowing his supposed 'badge' to stay in the office and lurk as he looked over the dreaded paperwork. It seemed fond of lurking even though the lighting wasn't right for a proper one.

It was going to be an interesting weekend.

[[Ohhh so open]]

Comments

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Something had been bothering Angua.

A very big, beefy something, to be specific. Happening across a glistening slab of meat sitting on your desk was not what one typically expected when coming into work, but that was exactly what Angua had found. She wasn't exactly sure what to make of this, especially when said muscle man smiled at her, but then she got a good whiff of him and his greeting made much more sense, as he smelled exactly of plastic and saliva.

"Squeeze me?" he had said.

"Excuse me," had been Angua's response, and that's when she took a breath and paused and followed it up with, "wait a moment...."

"Or bite me? Chew on me a little? That's what you usually do," the slab of a person on her desk continued as she walked closer and looked down at that drawer where she kept her squeaky steak toy, which, to no big surprise, was open. She glanced at the man, who looked hopefully, and then, experimentally, poked his arm with her finger.

Squeeeeeeeeak, went the arm.

"Oh, you've got to be--"

Which is why Angua was now at Vimes' office, poking her head in and looking terribly relieved.

"Oh, good," she said. "You've got one, too."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"One what?" Yes, Vimes was ignoring it's existence now.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Beefcake steak boy's head also peeked in, then settled on Angua's shoulder with a little squeeeak and, really, it wasn't exactly easy to ignore something like that.

"Visitors," she offered, quirking a brow at Vimes'.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

Vimes was talented, though. "My badge has gone missing, yes."

"I'm right here," the man insisted gruffly. If one looked closely, that might have been an attempt at the Ankh-Morpork crest on his shirt as well.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"I think it's right there," said Angua helpfully, with a little nod in the strange man's direction, because it was three days away from a full moon, and other people's pain made her happy.

The beefcake steak boy also offered his assistance, his well-muscled arm pointing over at Angua's shoulder and unmistakeably toward the man, as he offered Vimes a bright, friendly smile.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

She was going to get it for that. "And your scarcely clad friend is....?"

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Angua poked the arm again. It let out another squeeeak and the gentleman smiled proudly.

"Stress relief," she said.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"What you do on your time off is your own business, Sergeant," Vimes said with a straight face. Only through sheer force of will.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Cute. Not that the idea of seeing just how durable the squeaky toy could be in this state hadn't crossed her mind at least a few times, but that was, of course, entirely to blame on the time of the month.

"When do you think they'll go back?" she asked.

But, really, considering last time something like this occurred, this was pretty preferable to...ahem.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Hopefully before the weekend is out," Vimes replied. "I'm starting to think we need a kit to deal with weekends."

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"'In case of personified objects, break glass and stab liberally?'" Angua suggested.

The beefcake squeaked a little as he frowned, looking at Angua expectantly. A comment like that was always followed by a nice, good, strong squeeze.

Angua categorically refused.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"At least the coffee maker hasn't changed," Vimes pointed out, giving her... friend a look.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Her...friend smiled happily at Vimes. After all, he was the one that brought them together.

Angua, meanwhile, was considering how if the coffee maker changed, the coffee maker could no longer make coffee, and she shuddered. "Small graces, indeed."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"...Have you tried giving him a shirt?" It was beginning to worry Vimes.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

The thought hadn't actually occurred to Angua. She turned her head to look at the beefcake steak and looked him over. If he seemed to be preening a little, it was probably because he was.

"Oh," said Angua after a moment, "it's not hurting anyone."

And, seriously, there was a lack of beefcake in this station. No offense meant, of course, but she could easily hunt Reese don and Angua was pretty sure she'd agree.

Gibbs, not so much.

Which would leave Ralph to break the tie, and they all knew how that'd turn out.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"..." Vimes was just going to give her a look for that.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Angua sighed, and gave the beefcake steak a gentle, squeaking nudge toward the locker room. "Go on, find a shirt, then."

He gave her a look like such a suggestion was the saddest thing in the world, like being sent to bed without supper, like coal in your stocking on Hogswatch.

So Angua turned toward Vimes, wondering if he was really going to do that to this poor, poor freak of nature and reasoning. Look at that face. Listen to that pitiful squeaking coming from gods only knew where.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

He had no pity for a shirtless, overly muscular man. None at all. "Shirt."

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Angua shrugged helplessly. "Don't make him have to pull out the authority of the fellow in the chair," she informed the beefcake, figuring that if Vimes was going to be jealous take away the view, he at least deserved a reminder of his own unexpected new friend.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

His badge gave her a firm nod, arms crossed over his clothed chest. Unlike some people here.

"He'll get over it," Vimes replied.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

Beefcake squeaked off for a bit and Angua's attention devoted itself more fully to the badge.

"So what's he been doing all morning? Sitting there, upholding justice, bright ball of sunshine that he is?"

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"Lurking in the corner like no one can see him." You know. Like a night watchman.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Oh," said Angua, nodding a bit, "so, like a night watchman?"

Echo,

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"A bit." Exactly like one. "Do you think the others have something alive too?"

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Gibbs got himself a watered down can of piss?" asked Angua.

"I mean, Coors Lite," she amended a second later.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

Vimes snorted in amusement. "That thing he was hawking?"

...when he was a teenage girl.

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"You didn't actually try any of it, did you?" asked Angua. "If I recall, you were considerably underage for those sorts of shenanigans, sir."

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"...shouldn't you find your toy?"

[colourfulscents.livejournal.com]

"Fine, fine," said Angua, waving a hand and turning to go. "Maybe he needs help with that shirt..."

And, yes, she trailed it off to suggest exactly what Vimes probably wouldn't want it to.

[solesofmyfeet.livejournal.com]

"I don't need to know about your free time," he reminded her, focusing firmly on his paperwork.