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Book Haven, Tuesday

It was a thoughtful Hinata today who was sorting through books and making sure they were shelved correctly as Yei played underneath her feet, racing through the shelves and attempting to Conquer the Dust Bunnies.

Hinata didn't mind that. She was quite used to having to step over her kitten and did so with absent-minded grace.

It was almost a game, in Yei's mind.

Book Haven is Open.

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I like it at work when it's this early. So peaceful and quiet.

Helen stopped in and let Kinata free to go play with Yei. "Hello," she said to Hinata. "How are you?"

Yei was perfectly happy to play with a friend! FRIEND. Even if by 'play' meant more 'leap with delight at'.

Hinata laughed as she set the book she'd been glancing at down. "Well enough," she said, though that was a bit more a lie than it normally was. "And you, Helen? It is good to see you."

[Fleeing for lunch! Back in an hour!]

"I'm quite well," Helen said. "Things, well... things have been good with me."

[Have a good lunch!]

Hinata tilted her head at that.

"That," she said, amused. "Sounds like a bit of an evasion. Have you any stories to tell?"

Helen blushed. "I, well... I have been spending a good deal of time with James..."

Hinata took in that blush for a long moment, the beginnings of a blush on her cheeks as she realized what was going on.

"I don't believe I know him," she said, which wasn't so unusual. Hinata didn't socialize that much. "Wh-What is he like?"

"Well, he's... very kind. And funny at times," Helen said, trying to think how to put James into words. "I, well, I find him very attractive. He's from a world where there is no technology... He's... James."

Hinata looked just the teensiest bit dubious.

“Do you have much in common?” she asked, smiling slightly. “Does he like horses, perhaps?”

"In some ways we have similar past experiences," Helen said. "And yes, he seems to like horses. He visits every Thursday at The Gig to ride."

That got another blush, since certainly there was more than one kind of 'riding' going on then.

She idly wondered if this meant she ought to not visit on Thursdays... walking in on that would be most distressing.

Hinata fidgeted with her book, and resisted the urge to toy with the other things on her desk as she tried to decide what to say. What to say, how to say it...

"Helen?"

It was mostly at the very end of the work day - and almost always out on the trail somewhere, so it wasn't likely Hinata would stumble into anything.

"Yes?"

She flushed.

"It is n-not much of my business," she said, trying not to mumble and mostly failing. "But do you talk to him much at all? Or is it just...?"

Because Hinata wasn't in a relationship, and her experience in these matters was absolutely zero, but that didn't sound very--amazing--to her. Who was, it had to be admitted, very much on the traditional side of things.

Helen considered. "We talk quite a bit," she admitted. "Sometimes just foolishness, but other times..."

Relationship? This was just... well, Helen didn't know what it was, but it certainly was more than the one night stands she had off-island.

"And he... he gave me gifts. Because he said he cared about me. No one has ever given me gifts before. Not for anything ever. I still don't quite understand, but..." But it certainly touched her

Hinata considered that carefully.

"In that you're wrong," she said mildly. "As you've gotten flowers for things before."

She knew, considering she'd bought her some.

"Take care," Hinata settled on. "And take your time. There is no harm in moving slowly."

Helen considered, then nodded. "Yes, I did get flowers on that holiday, you are correct. But I meant a, a... it was different. I don't know how to explain it."

She frowned. "Move slowly? I don't understand."

She was, quite possibly, the worst one ever to try and explain this.

"Is he your friend?" she asked, finally. "Would he be your friend, still, if you stopped... sleeping with him? There should... be something more there. Time to build bonds. I... I do know if that makes sense..."

It did, to her.

Helen shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. I think, perhaps, yes, though. But since we only came together for sex, what does it matter?"

Hinata studied her frankly.

"B-Because giving you presents and saying he cares about you is not simply the actions of a person there only for sex."

She pressed her lips together and diplomatically swallowed the other comment she could think to point out to Helen.

That got another shrug, but if Hinata looked closely she might sense that Helen seemed almost scared of that idea. "Well, then, of he does... if there is more there, well, wouldn't you say that was good?"

"I would say," she said carefully, "that it is too soon to say if he is sincere or not in his affection."

And yet another shrug. "I don't need him to be. He is... we have fun together and we know that whatever this is will end one day. And it's nice to have someone to sleep with when I want."

Hinata's disapproval was a quiet thing. She would not argue further. She would, however, warn:

"In that case," she said, very gently. "I would be wary of being too... touched... by his measures of affection."

"It's not as if anyone would ever truly care for me," she said as lightly as she could. "I know that all too well. Besides, what? He thinks if he gives me gifts I'll have sex with him? I would anyway."

Someone's sense of true inner self-worth didn't really exist.

Hinata's lips all but disappeared as she attempted to keep a lid on her disapproval.

"Then in that case," she said, a faint edge in her voice. "You should not be having sex at all."

"Because he isn't giving my gifts to get me to have sex with him?" Helen asked. "Or is it that you feel sex is something one should only do with someone you... care greatly about or are bound to?"

"Because it should be something done for pleasure because you believe you are beautiful."

Hinata's chin went up.

"Not because you require someone to have sex with you in order to have some sense of self worth. That is more damaging by far. You do yourself no favours."

"I do it because it feels good and I enjoy it," Helen told her. "Why do I need to think I'm beautiful to enjoy sex? I..." she shook her head. "I don't understand why you think I'd have sex to - it's fun. It feels good and James is very good at it and enjoys having it with me. What's wrong with that?"

"Because your words imply that you do it desperately," Hinata said, and her father would be appalled at that state of bluntness from a Hyuuga daughter. "Because if you lack self-worth you are insulting both yourself and your partners."

She bit her tongue and got herself under control.

"I am not pleased with this," Hinata said finally. "But it is not my life. Do what you will."

Helen was silent for a moment, then bent down and chirruped to collect Kinata. "I don't understand why you are displeased by what I do," she said quietly and with a tinge of hurt. "I am not desperate, I simply enjoy sex and have found a partner who enjoys it as well and enjoys being with me. However, I will remove myself so that you are not offended by my actions."

"I am less offended and more concerned," she said, voice gentling. "And I will not smile while you do what sounds like something that will cause you pain."

Helen shrugged uncomfortably, cuddling Kinata close. "I'm happy. I am realistic about what is happening. I care for him and he cares for me. It will end one day as all things end and I will be sad, perhaps, but life will go on as it always does. Except that I will have had a happy time and retain all those memories."

Edited 2010-07-28 01:48 (UTC)

"I do not think that is particularly realistic," she said quietly. "More sad, than anything. No hope."

Helen sighed. "And if I told you I thought I might be in love and hoped we would be together forever you would also say I was being unrealistic and could get hurt. And then you would be right. But I will not bother you any longer. I am sorry you can not see -"

She shook her head. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"I would rather you had started with a friend," she said. "And moved on from there. Friendship stays."

Hinata slid her book onto the shelf.

"Think about that," she added, then held up her basket of books. "But please, excuse me."

And Hinata disappeared down another aisle, not giving Helen a chance to say anything further.

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