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Bowser's Castle, Sunday

When his minions had brought back the princesses, Bowser had discovered they were a bit younger than what he was used to in his general scheme of princess kidnappings. And one of them was even a boy.

But beggers couldn't be choosers. There weren't any swarthy plumbers here at least, so his plans would go unimpeded!

Now he just needed to keep the children distracted. With a tea party.

[[For any of the kidnapped!]]

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"DOGGIE," Juliet shrieked at Bowser, banging her cup around. She was, perhaps, mistaken about Bowser's actual animal identity, but she knew she wanted juice, darn it.

So help them all if he didn't have apple. So help them.

She also wanted to make sure her fellow kidnappees were taken care of, so she helpfully banged her cup around at all of them, saying, "Hi" to each in turn, for what was likely to be the seventeenth time or so.

Edited 2011-04-10 16:09 (UTC)

"Juliet," Jan said, making sure to articulate correctly and stuff. She was eying her own cup and wondering if maybe she could throw it at someone. Bowser looked like he had a head made to bang things off. "Shhhh, he's a bad mook."

Juliet looked suspiciously from Jan to Bowser to her cup. "Mook?" she repeated carefully. "Bad guy!"

She knew that much.

And hey, there might be things thrown regardless of whether anyone wanted it. Just upset the Force-strong toddler enough.

"Bad guy," Jan agreed. Scowling. "I'mma hit him! Watch me!"

She flailed her cup at the big giant... turtle... thing.

She was a very angry almost-four-year-old.

Juliet watched, wide-eyed, before picking up her own cup and flailing it too.

Jan was a bigger kid than her. Surely she knew what she was doing.

"Just stay with me!" Jan hissed, brightly. "Protect you."

Yes. With a cup. And an attitude.

"I'ma Jedi," Juliet assured her. "I 'tect too!"

With tantrums that could result in things being flung around the room telekinetically.

Together they would fight crime!

...Yeah, that's exactly what was going to wind up happening as soon as they were old enough to put on their own pants without help, wasn't it?

This poor school.

"Don't like him," Jan announced.

"No, not a 'doggie'," Bowser boomed. Because he didn't speak softly or carry a large stick.

She studied him for a moment, thinking about the animals in her many, many books that Mommy was always showing her.

"Turl," she decided, giggling and pointing at his back.

Bowser narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't even know what that means."

Someone wasn't fluent in baby.

And a bit of a prima donna.

"Shell," she said, flailing her hand at him. "Turl! Turls carry their houses onna backs!" Her mommy said so.

"I am not a 'turl'!" Bowser insisted. Even though he had a shell. And was all turtle-y. "I am a dragon!"

SPAT FIRE AND EVERYTHING.

"Dinosaur?" Juliet asked, with perfect articulation.

'Turtle' was apparently too challenging. 'Dinosaur,' on the other hand, was a very easy word. Especially if you roared while saying it and perhaps stomped your feet, as Juliet had done upon repeating the word.

Bowser gave that all due consideration before nodding. It seemed to work as well as a dragon. But he wasn't a turtle or an ox. Damn it.

Not at all.

"Dinosaur is doable," he informed Juliet solemnly.

Jan was practically glaring a hole in Bowser's face.

Or at least she was doing so for as long as her attention span let her.

She might have gotten distracted banging her cup off the table and eying the tea suspiciously. "Poison?"

Bowser did not care for these princesses at all. They were rude and tiny and one of them was a ginger.

"It is tea," he replied, revealing sharp teeth. "Drink it."

"Not drinking it," Jan said, loudly. "Poison!"

"Tea is not poison!" Roaring probably didn't help his case.

Jan blinked for a few seconds.

She tried to remember some of the stuff Nathan had told her to do, and dug up a gem.

"You drink it first!"

Bowser glared at her before grabbing a cup and downing it. Sure you could barely see the cup in his hand and most of the tea splashed about in his rage, but he totally drank it.

"Tea. Now."

He was a little scary, but she wasn't going to let that shake her. Especially not in front of Juliet.

"No. What do you say?" Jan demanded. (Not that she ever said that word except when Skywalker made her.)

"NOW." Someone had nooo manners.

"NO!"

They were evenly matched.

And Nathan had tried to teach her to keep her head low. Deadpool was a horrible influence.

"Your weave is stupid," she added.

Well, if she was going for the Deadpool strategy of throwing an opponent off...

"What?!"

"Pluck your eyebrows!" she added. "You look like-- an-- you have no forehead."

The Deadpool strategy it was!

"I have no eyebrows!" What was going on here? What was the small child babbling about? And why did he feel like talking to a camera about how this made him feel?

"You do and they are TOO BIG," Jan judged. Look at her little judging face - she was doing her best Tyra impression. "What did you think!"

"I think... I think..." Oh, Bowser was so confused. "My eyebrows are perfect!"

Why did the small children have to be so judgey? Couldn't they see that he had a greater vision for them? Just look at the pretty pink dresses!

"Your eyebrows are too big."

And Bowser was the mature one here.

Edited 2011-04-10 17:30 (UTC)

"Do not," said Jan, not so much scandalized as offended by his stupidity. "I have baby brows."

Duhhh.

"You don't know anything. Nul points!"

... yeah, Cable and Deadpool should not have left on Eurovision that one time.

Edited 2011-04-10 17:45 (UTC)

"I don't even know what that means!"

Because there was nothing more dignified than admitting ignorance to a toddler.

"You still haven't touched your tea," he added, giving a petulant sniff.

"You haven't said the word," Jan replied, smugly, "Or plucked your brows."

"Tea parties do not require brow plucking!" So said him, anyhow. "And I'll say the word if you say it first."

That didn't even make any sense.

"You're the one who wants a thing," Jan said, rationally. "And is prolly going home after."

Tragic, Bowser. Tragic. You did not have what it took to be America's Next Top Model.

He would have to work on his swagger some more. You'd think that years of trying to perfect it on Princess Peach would have helped, but noooo...

"... Do I really have to?"

To say the P-word. He was inside his castle already, and therefore he didn't have to go home. His superawesome lair counted, here, if he had any say in the matter.

"Yes," Jan said, like the merciful but stern mistress that she was. "Say it. Then we can have tea."

Cruel, cruel child.

"...please."

IT COUNTED.

And in all that time, Bowser had not dropped dead from poison.

Jan considered it. She still did not like Bowser and thought he needed his face pounded in.

On the other hand, she had pretty much made Bowser her b-word-she-didn't-technically-know-yet.

She took a dainty sip of her tea.

"It's cold."

"Which it wouldn't be, if you'd just drank it sooner."

Sadly, conversations like this were fairly par for the course for Bowser, whenever he kidnapped a princess and tried to throw a tea party for her.

"Pretend it's iced tea."

Jan considered that, too.

"No," she said, at last.

Did you really want to get into this again, Bowser?

"Then it is cold tea for princesses who have no manners!" Somehow, he didn't think that would work.

"I have manner," Jan informed him.

Well, sure, if by 'manner' you meant a shortened version of the slang term 'bad manner' from the gaming world, yes.

"You didn't."

And she wanted her hot tea now.

Bowser glared at her for a moment before holding one clawed hand out for that damn cup. "Fine. I will heat it up."

Grace didn't mind the tea party bit - she was hungry and thirsty and the party was taking care of that - but she took great offense to being dressed in pink of all colors. When her mother found her - which she would, of course, because she always did - she was going to be really mad if she saw Grace dressed like this. So, Grace started sticking her hands in her tea, and then putting her hands on her dress. Maybe if she got dirty, the dragon thingie would let her wear her real clothes instead.

Edited 2011-04-10 17:04 (UTC)

"NoooOoo! That is your princess dress!" ALL PRINCESSES NEEDED DRESSES, GRACE.

"But I'm not a princess! I'm a real girl!" Someone hadn't been read very many fairy tales properly in her short life.

Which might be for the best, really. "You are a princess now! Behave like the others!"

Who weren't at all behaving.

"You can't say that! You're not my daddy!"

Which was probably good for all parties involved, really.

"Your daddy is not here! Which puts me in charge!"

Bellow a little louder, Bowser. That would definitely convince the small children to listen to you.

"And you will behave yourself!"

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Bowser's Castle, Sunday

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