fandomtownies | The Final Boss Battle - Um, Finale

In front of the castle in the preserve stood three green warp tunnels.

These are the adventures of the team that chose the first one.

Arrival

Toadstool	There's a distinctly spooky air to this side of the castle. In the distance, ghosts roam, and skeletons wander the halls... But right here, it's still safe. The little Toadstool dude standing there isn't going to hurt you.
Jaina	For some strange reason, Jaina felt like she really had to keep her guard up in this place, even if there didn't seem to be any immediate danger. It also meant she was starting out by eying the Toadstool guy like she was expecting him to do something.
George	George had decided that this was some kind of extended acid trip. That seemed to be the easiest way to roll with it. "I don't trust him," she muttered under her breath. What? He smiled too much. That was a legitimate reason not to trust someone. Especially if they were a walking mushroom.
Wesley	Wesley was walking in his overdone rogue-demon-hunter manner, taking big steps with his hands outstretched as if prepared for combat at any moment. "Nor I," he said dramatically, eyeing the mushroom skeptically.
Zoe	Zoe felt guilty about bringing students along here, but she'd long since learned that they wouldn't stay away if they wanted to help, and when it came to Grace, she'd honestly take all the help she could get. "I don't trust anyone but all of you," she admitted. Really, she didn't think anyone could blame her at this point.
Jaina	As Jaina had a toddler aunt at stake here, she understood where Zoe was coming from on some level. "Think it's worth finding out what the smiley guy knows anyway?"
Wesley	"We could try," Wesley ventured. "That is, if everyone else agrees. Although it's imperative that we remain wary." Obviously this guy was the perfect general, here.
Robin	"Can we shake him down for information if we need to?" . . . yes, yes, Stephanie was here for this mission thing in her Robin costume. What? The bright colors fit in with the oddly cartoony theme. Plus utility belt. How do you shake down a walking fungus -- no, don't answer that. Luckily that had been her head voice, so the rhetorical question could stay rhetorical.
Toadstool	Well, the mushroom guy had been expecting a swarthy plumber to save the castle from Bowser. But this worked too! "Further into the castle are the princesses!" he said with that same creepy smile as he always had.
George	Yeah, the creepy smile wasn't helping. "If you're just fucking with us, I swear I'm going to hurt you," George said.
Wesley	"Now, now, there's no call for hostility," Wesley interjected diplomatically. "I'm sure he's, ah, trying to help." In a creepy way.
Toadstool	His creepiness was neither here nor there! He just wanted to smile at you aaall. "Be careful, though! There will be ghosts and Skeletal Koopas patrolling the way there!"
Jaina	"Oh, is that all," Jaina sighed, frowning harder like that might counteract his smile. She hadn't dealt with ghosts yet. It'd figure she had to check those off the list before leaving Fandom...
Zoe	"Thank you so much for the warning," Zoe said with a twinge of sarcasm. She didn't have any problem glaring either, feeling even more of an urge to do it at that incessant smile.

Traversing dat Castle!

Jaina	Jaina had tried to figure out over the weekend when she could use a weapon and when she couldn't, and she had a feeling this was going to be a lot of possible trial and error for her. She tried to move as quickly as possible while keeping an eye out, finally saying, "I don't suppose anyone knows for sure how to get rid of ghosts or skeleton things..."
Robin	"The shin bone's connected to the . . ." Robin sang under her breath, slipping a Batarang out of one of her belt pouches. "The ghosts are anybody's guess, but skeletons come apart, don't they?"
Wesley	"They should," Wesley guessed hesitantly. Not that he particularly wanted to try. "And ghosts... aren't you supposed to, ah, resolve their inner turmoil, or something? Or... exorcise them?" Yes, Wesley, go try that. Sounded like a solid plan.
Jaina	"I am spending absolutely zero time playing therapist for ghosts," Jaina warned.
Zoe	"As am I. I suggest we get them out of our way as quickly as possible and not worry about where they came from," Zoe said. There would be time for proper handling of ghosts some other time, when everyone was safe.
Ghosts	A plan that seemed to be working just fine at the moment as the ghosts just stared at them. As you do. When you're the undead.
George	George, for her part, was taking this opportunity to glance over her shoulder, then back again, and look away, and back ... "The ghosts," she said. "They only move if you're not looking at them." To prove her point, she fixed a ghost with her eyes and stared it down. It stayed motionless. "So ... what, we need to have someone walk backwards?" This castle sucked.
Jaina	One of the annoying things about this weekend was that Jaina had had to try and figure out what action would get rid of what thing, and she'd seen a few common themes. So she unclipped the lightsaber she knew she probably wouldn't be able to use otherwise and whipped it at a ghost as hard as she could. Which, for a tiny girl, was plenty hard. She fully expected it to fly right through the thing, because ghost, but hey, what's telekinesis for if you can't use it to bring your lightsaber back to you?
Robin	"We could face outward in a circle and walk that way, but ugh, unwieldy." Robin didn't have telekinesis, but she did have nifty throwing weapons that came back to her, and was far enough to the periphery of the group that her brilliant idea should be safe enough. Taking a cue from Jaina (and, it had to be admitted, not thinking too much about whether this was a good idea) she let the Batarang fly at a ghost. Just to see what would happen.
Ghosts	Both weapons passed through the ghosts as if they didn't even exist. Though, if anyone tried to actually touch one, they would find quite a different response.
George	George wasn't going to try touching it. Well, not exactly. "Hang on," she said, approaching it very slowly. "I might be able to ... do something." When she was in reach, she stretched a hand out, uncertainly, then let her fingers brush the edge of the ghost. If this thing was a ghost, then could she reap it?
Ghosts	The ghost shimmered to see through for a moment before disappearing completely. Now she only had to do that again for the dozens upon dozens more that filled the way to Bowser's lair.
Wesley	Wesley watched, surprised. "Oh," he said, tilting his head. "Er. What... did you do?"
George	The worst part was that George couldn't think of an alternate explanation quickly enough. So .... "I ... removed its soul from its body, so it could ... go on to the afterlife?" she said. "Just a ... thing." And now, to pretend that was totally normal in the hopes no one would stare at her. "There are way too many of these to go through all of them like that," she said. "We should go back to the ... walking backwards."
Jaina	"If it gets us through, we'll do it," Jaina said, totally not staring. Even if she found it weird, there were kids to save and things to be done, and she was already starting onward. "Just as long as that's an option if we need it."
Zoe	"That was a very useful thing," Zoe said, trying to make George feel less uncomfortable as she moved on as well. "But if walking backwards is faster, then we should stick to that." Her urge to shoot the ghosts had been taken care of now that she knew it probably wouldn't work, so getting through them quickly seemed like the new best option.

OMGITSBOWSER!

Bowser	He's big, he's mean, he's ugly, and he's not going to be nice to you. He's also blocking your way onwards and flinging things at you. Behold, it's BOWSER!
Jaina	"What is with all the turtle things?" Jaina asked, totally rhetorically, by the way, deciding it was going to be worth a shot to try and Force block anything getting thrown.
Wesley	"Can those have their souls removed and sent to the afterlife as well?" Wesley asked hopefully. Eager to fight these things, he was not.
Zoe	"I think we're going to have to get closer for that," Zoe said, ducking quickly and hoping no one behind her got hit. "Is someone anxious to do that?"
Robin	"People say I'm crazy for doing this, but I'm not that kind of -- yipes!" Robin dove into a roll away from a turtle-thing, spinning to fling a Batarang at Bowser when she got back to her feet. "As for the turtles, either he's got a theme, or it's just for the shell of it!" Did you really think she wasn't going to pun?
George	Of course the monster behind this was some kind of psychotic dragon-turtle. Obviously. Why had she expected anything else? "The, uh, soul bit only works on things that are already dead," she said, answering Wesley's question first. "Aaaaaand I see we've started on the quippy puns." She was not, in fact, anxious to get any closer. Nor did she have any helpful plan. George was useful like that.
Wesley	Hey, quippy puns could be helpful in a fight. Or so Wesley had heard. It was common in certain... Slayer circles. "So... shooting at them, then?" he ventured. "I could... try..." He glanced around at the others for approval.
Bowser	"You could TRY," the psychotic dragon-turtle-OX bellowed at him. "Or you could save time, give up, and accept your certain DOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOoooOOOooM!" It wasn't a no, so he didn't owe Anakin jack, and wouldn't have paid it if he did. He was happy to spit a large, fizzy firebolt towards Wesley and company, though.
Jaina	Jaina was not the most patient of people on a good day, and on a bad one... well, first there'd been punning and now there was a dragon-turtle-OX thing throwing things at them and drawing words out beyond recognition. Patience was gone. With a tiny bit of a running start, she launched herself into a neatly Force-assisted jump over the fireball and towards him. She even paid special attention to coming down on him rather than overshooting and landing somewhere completely wrong. If this was the wrong thing to do and she ended up in the lobby, she was going to be pissed.
Bowser	The dragon-turtle-OX-nobody-really-knows-what-his-momma-was-besides-ugly thing froze stock still for a moment, and....shimmered. IN NO WAY RESEMBLING A CULLEN. Then with a resounding ROAR, he jumped away, rubbing at his horns. "OW. YoooUUuuUUUuuu shall PAY for that!"
George	"Okay, that was good, right?" George asked, glancing at everyone. "He wouldn't be pissed if that wasn't good." Basic villain logic 101. "I don't ... think I can jump over those ... fire things," she added. Why did reapers not have special powers? It was cosmic bullshit, was what it was. "Can anyone else? I could ... try ... throwing something, if we had anything?" Normal people might have brought a weapon, George.
Jaina	"Try it if you want, but the jumping definitely works," Jaina called. She was more than willing to do that until he shimmered himself away or whatever, but she also wanted to make sure she could coordinate timing around the others.
Robin	Robin spotted a convenient buttress and pulled out her grapple gun, firing it with a distinct poot sound. "My wrecking ball needed practice anyway," she called down as she swung over feet-first at Bowser. "Wahooooo, here we go!"
Bowser	"...Really, POOT?" It was difficult to condescend, roar, and jump eight feet in the air at the same time, but Bowser managed it, avoiding Steph's jump by mere inches. "Not even a **@#? Ahahahahahahahaha!"
Wesley	Okay, Wesley wasn't expecting much here, but here went nothing. Tugging one of the guns he had in his not-at-all-stupid-looking holster, he aimed and fired right at the... turtle thing.
Bowser	"RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWR!" No UnCullenly shimmer this time - projectiles that weren't charged with his own mushroom kingdom magic wouldn't damage him. They just pissed him off. He wasn't bothering with the condescension now, just a string of one, two, three firebolts, one after another.
George	Okay, George really shouldn't just be standing here. There were people attacking the psycho dragon-turtle-OX that could actually get killed. Granted, she didn't know jack about fighting dragon-turtle-OXen (or, well, anything else) but she could at least make herself into decent cannon fodder, here. Therefore. George was going to sidestep those stupid fucking firebolts and then ... make a running leap at ... that thing. Maybe she'd hit him around his midsection? Unless he dodged or ... something. This would end well.
Bowser	No, he didn't dodge. He just stood there and stared at her while she bounced off his massive, armor-plated belly. It didn't shake when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly, but not for lack of trying. "Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You're cute. I might keep you and turn you into a flower-pot or something."
Jaina	Jaina shook her head and said, "No," and then threw herself back into a Force leap, aiming herself to jump on top of him again. She was apparently making up for not using this skill much in Fandom or something.
Zoe	Zoe had faced a lot of things in her time in Fandom, and yet, the dragon-turtle-OX-creature still caught her by surprise. When Wesley's shot didn't seem to affect the thing, she reluctantly took her hand away from her gun holster, and tried to decide if she could jump like the others could. It didn't take long to decide that no, she really couldn't, and there didn't seem to be any As for effort either. "You're not turning anyone into anything. You came to the wrong damn place," she yelled instead. Maybe a distraction would keep him from being able to dodge Jaina's attack.
Bowser	"But your kids look so cute in piiiin-" Yeah, actually, that worked. BONK! Right on the head, and another shimmering moment of paralysis before he rolled away from Jaina and jumped straight up in the air. When he came down, he came down hard, shaking the castle floor enough to replicate that paralysis for everybody else for a few seconds. Firebolts AHOY!
George	Okay, that fucking hurt, and now George couldn't move. Maybe next time she should leave the heroing business to the people who actually seemed to know what they were doing, and had brought appropriate props. George ... did not have a weapon. George had tried jumping, and it had been a miserable failure. There was only one thing left she could think of. George yanked off her left sneaker, aimed, and hurled it through the air. Maybe she could hit the dragon-turtle-ox-freak's head. His head seemed to be a weak spot. Maybe?
Bowser	Bowser watched as the shoe sailed toward him, and just shook his head. Which did mean it got stuck on his horn. SIGH. Trying to shake the damned thing off was just a little distracting.
Steph	Robin, meanwhile, had taken advantage of that momentary distraction to swing up to a precarious little ledge and then drop down on top of him. No wrecking ball for her this time, no, sir, just a nice straightforward attempt to introduce Bowser to the soles of her boots. "Let's hope this one's a shoe-in!" . . . sigh, Steph.
Bowser	Ow. No, seriously, OW. "NoooOOOOooooOOOOoooooOOOoooooOOOOOooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoo!" This time, he totally owed royalties. Still wasn't paying them, though. Bowser sparkled like the inbred child of two Cullens frozen to the spot by Steph's kick. Then the sparkles engulfed him and he faded away.
...Not Bowser?	Oh, no, wait. More like shrunk away, to reveal a nervous-looking bloober-squid that craned its eyestalks up at the group for a second before slithering quickly off the ledge and down into the lava pit. For a moment, there was silence...
Jaina	Jaina allowed herself to watch the dragon-turtle-OX-turned-squid thing slink off for a moment with a, "That was unexpected." If he came back as something that needed to be jumped on some more...
Zoe	"A shoe-in?" Zoe asked, although she was smiling as she said it. "I wasn't expecting something so...sparkly, but I'll take it."
George	"That's ... good, right?" George asked, glancing around. "Unless this is the part of the movie where he emerges from the lava as some grotesque lava-monster and starts belching fire." Always the optimist.
Wesley	"Let's hope not," Wesley said decisively. Which didn't stop him from peering in the direction that the monster had left. Just to make sure.
Toadstool	Nothing emerged from the lava, but a cheerily-smiling toadstool man did scurry out from behind a pillar. Close? He didn't belch fire but he did continue to look vaguely creepy in a Smile-Time-episode-gone-wrong kind of way. "Thank you, M--- uh, weird three dimensional people!" he chirped. "But your princesses are in another castle!"
Jaina	The "Oh, for the love of-" escaped Jaina's mouth before she could stop it, but at least it wasn't cursing in front of students and her boss? And she might have been looking like she wanted to jump on the toadstool's smiley head. That would be because she was considering jumping on the toadstool's smiley head.
Zoe	Jaina might have been able to restrain herself, but Zoe was having a little more trouble with that. "They're what?" she yelled. "What do you mean, another castle? I want my daughter back!" It would probably be good for her to not be near the smiling toadstool right now, so she wouldn't be tempted to wipe the smile off its face.