A Tree in the Park, Saturday Daytime

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

Tyrion Lannister had a little list.

He also had a big fucking gun.

The list was of people he needed to use the gun on. The gun was to solve problems. Mostly problems for the Lannister drug cartel, but he'd use it to solve other people's problems if they asked real nice. Asking nice? Meant giving him money.

For now, there was no one to shoot, so Tyrion dragged himself and the gun up to a comfortable branch in the tree and watched for targets to wander past. He was a patient man, but if he got bored, there were plenty of birds to practice his aim on.

[OOC: For anyone who wants to order a hit, get killed, or just ask the violent dwarf why he has a gun in a tree.]

Comments

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer was headed for the church to check on a few things, and decided to take a detour through the park. It wasn't strange to see people in the park on the weekends, but the tiny man in a tree was a different thing.

"Hello, sir. Did you need any help?"

[swordsandsoccer.livejournal.com]

Dolf did always enjoy being in the park - the sounds of nature, almost but not quite natural-- but at least in places like this, animals and plants could be safe. If almost too safe.

It wasn't quite a forest.

So he walked through the park, determined but cheerful, for today he would be saving many teal deer from the forest. Indeed, he was going to add a few acres to the grounds of his illicit compound, along with the monkey he had so recently freed...

[hoorayimrich.livejournal.com]

"I hear you're a man who can... do things." Shooty things. Shooty things for money.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke Skywalker, District Attorney, stalked through the park like he owned it. Which he might this week: the lines between Skywalker, Winchester and those upstart Stark territories were fluid.

He stopped at the precise tree he'd been told and leaned against it nonchalantly, dangling a bag of Blue Mountain roast coffee from his fingers. Being caught here would destroy his reelection chances but some things were more important than money.

Grace Winchester was one of them. And his baby sister

"The cat has eaten the canary," he said to the air.

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"It depends," Tyrion said, scooting over so he could look down through the branches to see ... a priest. Hmmm.

"What kind of help are you offering?"

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

Tyrion snapped to attention instantly. One of the names on his list was some hippie ... and his monkey.

He hated hippies. And monkeys. Hated them enough that he would have been willing to shoot them both just on principle.

He made soft chittering noises, trying to distract the animal. It was probably too tame to be turned into a killer monkey, but there was always that hope...

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"Depends what the thing is," Tyrion said cagily. He left the gun in his perch, but shimmied down a bit to make eye contact. You never could quite trust a Stark. "What you got in mind?"

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"The gray cat or the white cat?" A voice from above asked. Meanwhile, a branch with a net fashioned on the end descended to snatch up the coffee. The district attorney was going to pay the same price, no matter how many hits he ordered.

He was a Skywalker. There'd be another hit, soon enough.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

"The gray, of course," Luke said. "The instructions on the bag should be followed exactly."

The encoded instructions said to kill Jamie Madrox. "The sooner the better."

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"A wise choice." Tyrion said, glancing over the instructions. "Consider the grey cat ... fed and petted."

Somehow, this sounded sinister.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke smiled fiendishly. "Excellent."

He stalked off into the day whistling a jaunty tune.

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

Lucrezia Borgia Sforza Wayne Lannister della Rovere possibly-Luthor was wandering happily through the park. The birds were singing, and the sky was bright. Why shouldn't she be happy? She may theoretically have seduced or married her roommate, but the writers were being intentionally vague on that point, as they weren't sure of the chronology. This might air before the other part did, and that storyline could end up scrapped entirely. So Lucrezia was happy for unspecified reasons that may in fact have been due to marital bliss, if this ended up airing after roommate nuptials that may or may not have taken place.

[hoorayimrich.livejournal.com]

Tony was perfectly trust-worthy. It was Howard who was the bad one.

Wait... reverse that.

"There is a man in town who is planning to ruin all my plans. A man named... Ben Skywalker. I need him taken care of. If you know what I mean."

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

Most of Tyrion's hits were business, but this one was personal. Tyrion was happy when she seduced and married his dear cousin Lancel. He put on a nice suit, went to the wedding, toasted the lovely couple.

He even could have forgiven her for killing Lancel. It wasn't like that was the first violent death in the Lannister family tree, and Tyrion had to admit his cousin was sort of a devout moron.

But the bitch hadn't just poisoned Lancel: She had taken off with the antique heirloom Lannister sugar bowl. The sugar bowl Tyrion planned to pass to his first-born son someday.

He took aim and fired a single round toward that vague, beautiful smiling face.

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"I fucking know what you mean."

Tyrion considered it, and it might have seemed like he wasn't going to say anything more before he came out with: "His dad keeps me in coffee. I like coffee."

This didn't mean no: It meant make it worth my time.

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

It was lucky, indeed, that the Pope had decided that his daughter should have trained with Shaolin monks in the ancient art of ninja. Lucrezia only had a moment to react, but that was all she needed; she moved quickly to the left in the sort of bullet-time blur that made the Matrix movies look cool before they got all weird and philosophical and shit.

She stared up into the tree, gaping at her would-be executioner.

"Lord Tyrion!" she cried. No! All her clever plans for naught! How had he found her? How???????????

[hoorayimrich.livejournal.com]

"Coffee." Tony scoffed. "Coffee? Is that all they can get here? The Starks run the alcohol smuggling on this island. Coffee, you could buy from a child on the street corner!"

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"Not this kind of coffee," Tyrion scolded. "The aroma, the quality ... out of this world. If all you have is booze ...."

Still. His business was with Luke, not Ben. Do it right, and Luke would never think to blame the hit on him.

"Give me enough to set up a side business. Deliver it to the Lannister warehouse at the yachts tonight, and we'll ... see what we can do."

[hoorayimrich.livejournal.com]

Tony glared for a moment before nodding. "You'll get your alcohol. I'll even throw in a spicy salmon roll if you can pull this off."

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"That was for Lancel," Tyrion said, seemingly undaunted by the dodge. It happened a lot. "This one's for me."

He took aim and shot a second time.

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

"Good." Tyrion didn't mention that he would have done it just for the sushi. It was better not to let them know your weakness. "Then once I get the goods, consider Ben a sad part of your past."

[hoorayimrich.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Tony said, walking away. "I already do."

Because he was eeeeeeevil.

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

This one, she ducked. It wasn't as cool, but the special effects budget wasn't all that high this month.

Her weapon was poison, and thus she had no way to retaliate. And she would not give him the Lannister sugar bowl back. It held her cantarella perfectly. So there.

Of course, her other weapon was, of course, her charm and her beauty. Those were just as deadly as any poison. So long as you could use them to get someone close enough that you could poison them, anyway.

"My Lord, I fear there's been a grave misunderstanding," she simpered. "If you should like to come out of the tree, we could perhaps ... settle things more amicably?"

[halfman-lion.livejournal.com]

Tyrion stared at her. He even shimmied down a few branches to stare more effectively.

"Are you out of your mind, woman? You killed my cousin and took our sugar bowl. There's no misunderstanding about it."

[holy-daughter.livejournal.com]

"That sugar bowl is mine," Lucrezia hissed. "You'll never see it again! I used it to poison your insipid cousin just like I used it to poison all the rest of my worthless husbands! You'll never see it again! Muahahahahahahahhaa!"

And with that, Lucrezia Borgia Sforza Wayne Lannister della Rovere possibly-Luthor turned and fled, running as quickly as she possibly could while bogged down in period costume and trying to dodge any bullets headed her way.

The life of a widow was never easy.