The Perk, Sunday Afternoon, I'm ... I'm Just Really Sorry, Guys, Okay?

[glasses-justice.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, high-powered District Attorney Alex Cabot had fallen to her death in an open elevator shaft.

This had caused problems for Zayne Carrick, in that he was going to be in deep trouble when the information got out. Something about not inspecting the elevator, or not having the building codes cleared, or some other insurance scam difficulty.

Alex wasn't really clear on it. Alex wasn't clear on anything, what with being dead and all.

What was important was that Alex be found dead somewhere that wasn't Zayne Carrick's elevator shaft, and from a cause that wasn't falling into MCA's elevator shaft.

Which was why Alex Cabot was propped up here, in the Perk, with sunglasses and a big floppy hat covering her face.

Either people would talk "to" her and assume she was alive -- thus proving she didn't die at MCA!!!!! -- or someone would find her body, and her place of death would be The Perk. Not MCA.

A very clever plan.

(oh fuck this is the worst, most tasteless thing I've ever posted, but Alex is here for all of your Weekend at Bernie's style misunderstandings-and-fake-conversations-with-a-corpse needs. Because she's dead. Zayne modded with permission, which means Nick and I are both going straight to hell.)

Comments

[smartestone]

Recovered from last night's coma and amnesia, Sue saw Alex through the window and stormed in. Beautifully.

"I can't believe you would show your face around here, after all you've done," Sue cried. "You ruined my life! You knew I didn't murder anyone, but you just wouldn't stop until you had someone, anyone in jail! Maybe you just didn't want to admit that it was your husband at the time that did it. Oh, yes, he did. I know the truth. I know the truth, Alex, and I won't rest until you've paid for it. Mark my words!"

And with that, she turned on her heel and stormed out the door, her hair trailing impressively behind her.

[therewaslife]

After spending a long time on the dorm roof, Bod had climbed down and gone skulking around the streets of Fandom. He didn't know what he was looking for but he'd found it when he'd come upon a poor poor NPC man in one of the alleys.

Bod had picked up a nearby rock and had proceeded to club the poor poor NPC man with it, knocking him senseless and leaving him in a bloody heap. Then, he'd taken the man's wallet with the intent to steal his identity before he woke up.

When he came into the Perk, he planted the bloody rock in Alex Cabot's right hand because someone had to take the fall. Before he left, he ordered a water and looked at his new identity.

Now, he was Jacque de la Sol. It was a good name.

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

GOB couldn't find his clothes after streaking at the ceremony. And now he was lost in town.

The guy behind the counter looked to be about GOB's size, so he took a running start, dove over the counter, and tackled the clerk. After a brief struggle and some furious changing, GOB was wearing the clerk's clothes, while the clerk was passed out on the floor.

He then looked up and noticed the woman sitting there, so he grabbed the clerk's wallet and pulled a few bills out, putting them on the counter in front of Alex. "You didn't see anything, okay?"

And then he hopped back over the counter and ran out, running until he was out of town... Again.

[new-it-girl.livejournal.com]

Hanna was still afraid for her life, but like any soap heroine, she wasn't going to hide. She had a life, and she was going to live it!

She waved at Alex on her way to the counter to order something she couldn't pronounce, unaware that anything was off there.

She was also unaware of the clerk's current situation.

"Hello, can I get some service here?" she called out impatiently. "I've been in a coma so long, I forget the taste! Don't you understand?!"

She was going to wait awhile.

[wheeler-360.livejournal.com]

When Marshall walked into the Perk, it was dark, and mostly empty: dark, and mostly empty, just like his eyes. The pain -- the pain! -- he'd been through that day was so much that it spilled out of him. So much pain; you could tell from the vaguely 'I'm constipated' look on his face.

He was going for that Daytime Emmy; he wasn't going to be robbed this time!

"Thanks for meeting me," he said as he sat down across from Alex. "I know you don't really know me," or, y'know, at all, "but I didn't know who else to talk to. I -- I can't talk to Percy, not after last night, he might... make me... I can't... Not again!"

Marshall swallowed. "No, you're right, he didn't make me," he continued. "I agreed. Decided. Wanted it." He shuddered. "I can't... I always told myself I wouldn't. That it was wrong. But it's not, is it?

"With Percy, it was... It was good. So good. And there was something missing? But -- I think maybe that's because I don't really know him. Don't really like him. Not like..." He bit his lip. "I can't say it. Not out loud. But. Him.

"I'm not!" Marshall shouted in Alex's face. "I'm not... I'm not. I'm not that. I CAN'T BE! I'm captain of the hockey team! I'm not-"


[Waiting for one as knows who she is!]

[smartestone]

A moment after Hanna entered the Perk, a shadowy figure in a coat, hat covering her fantastic hair and dark glasses also arrived, taking a seat in a corner with a direct line of sight to Hanna.

While it looked like she maybe texting on her phone, she was really taking more pictures. So many more pictures.

Conveniently, Sue was gone by now.

[steel-not-glass.livejournal.com]

Cindy darted forward as soon as the camera moved back to catch Hermione watching Hanna. "Okay," she said, pulling out a bottle of eyedrops. "It's going to pan back over here in a moment or two, so you need to drop into the chair and look like you've been crying. Lean back. A few of these drops and you'll have both the tears and the shiny on-the-verge-of-more-tears look."

[wheeler-360.livejournal.com]

"Got it," Marshall said, leaning back. "Is it 'There's nothing wrong with it' or 'The world's not ready for' next?"

[steel-not-glass.livejournal.com]

"World's not ready," Cindy supplied, carefully placing the eyedrops in. "It'll add to the drama, because I think you're going to have to come out during the hockey championship game. Or maybe choose between hockey and love. One of those."

Cindy didn't really bother reading scripts in advance. They always changed anyway.

"All set on your motivation?"

Besides the Emmy. Everyone wanted an Emmy. Everyone was convinced it was their year, too.

Cindy would be happy with a pay raise.

[wheeler-360.livejournal.com]

"I'm good," Marshall said, just as the camera started to swing back. He instantly fell back into character, the tears glistening at his eyes as it came in for a close-up.

"The world's not ready for a..." he started, trailing off. "For a..."

He squinted; the tears dripped down his face. "... for a gay high school star hockey player and team captain," he whispered. "So I can't be gay. I'm not allowed to be gay."

Squint, constipated. "Even if maybe I am. There's nothing wrong with it. Not really. Even if I... I don't think I can tell anyone else yet. Especially not... Him. But that's okay. I can just be Marshall Wheeler, Star Hockey Player and Team Captain for a little while longer. Just having one person know," not counting Percy, who knew Marshall very well at this point, "is enough to make a difference."

He smiled, wiped the 'tears' from his eyes, and got up. "Thanks for listening. It really helped. And maybe some day... Maybe some day I can tell the world."

[i-am-the-rat.livejournal.com]

Detective Hank had a murder to solve, and there just happened to be a murder weapon right there! Who cared that the two murders had absolutely nothing to do with one another? Or that the victim in his case had been shot, not bludgeoned? This was synchronicity!!!

"A-HA!!!" he shouted, grabbing Alex by the collar. "It was YOU!!! Fess up! YOU KILLED POLLY PRISSYPANTS!!! Cop to it now, and maybe I'll go easy on you!"

[gremlinsinvade.livejournal.com]

A small, skittery silhoutte slinked sneakily from the shadows, searching for a sweet, sweet snack. Success! That succulent, slim shank, so still, so unsuspecting...

SNAP! went the snarling smirky sharklike serrated smile!

"DJKSDHSKLJDHLSKJDHLKSJDH" went the gremlin, which is Gremlin for "Aaaagjhgjhgjhg, fucking rigor mortis, I broke a tooth! Now I'll have to become a male prostitute so I can afford to replace the money I'll have to drain from my kids' college fund to pay that damned orthodontist who's been sleeping with my wife and my sister for the last three years! RARRRRRR!"

And then he stalked away, still moaning and leaving no visible damage to Alex whatsoever, aside from the broken-off bit of fang on the floor beside her ankle.

[seaweed-demigod.livejournal.com]

After the rave on the third floor, Percy had stumbled into town, feeling all good and floaty because of the stuff he'd gotten from Annie. It was the best and least murderous he'd felt in a long long time.

He came into the Perk and went around the counter to get himself a chocolate milk since the clerk was all passed out and everything. He filled the glass to the top and stumbled back out to drink his milk.

Too bad he tripped over his own feet and sent the glass flying in Alex's direction. It splattered pretty liberally all over her shoulder, back, and into her hair.

"Oh. Sorry." He giggled and then stuck a few dollars on the table in front of her (adding it to the pile that was already there). "You can buy yourself a new shirt with that."

And then he left, still giggling.

[didntchewgrass.livejournal.com]

Elfabian sat down next to Alex, unaware of anything amiss. He had a cup of coffee in one hand, and slowly took a sip from it.

"Ah, if it isn't the lovely Miss Cabot," he said, chuckling a low chuckle. "You don't recognize me, do you? Of course you don't. I suffered for hours under the knife, had every inch of skin replaced, and all because of you. Oh, now I see that look of acknowledgement on your face. That cold, rigid dumbstruck look. Why yes, Miss Cabot, I am your greatest success. You were the one who brought it all upon me, you were the one who had me burnt at the stake."

His eyes sparkled with righteous fury, and also a reflection of the spotlight.

"That's right, Miss Cabot. I am Elphaba, the wickedest witch that there ever is or was. And now I am back to hurt you, and all that you hold dear."

He laughed, a good long hearty laugh. He stood up, and held his cup aloft.

"And that sweet, sweet revenge will taste just as sweet as this Chocamochalatte, available at any and all Perk locations, only ninety-nine cents, some participation may vary. And just like the Chocamochalatte, my revenge will be brewed dark, hot, and fresh. Prepare yourself, Miss Cabot. I will return for you this evening, and there is nothing you can do to stop me."

Elfabian then walked away, laughing the whole way.

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

After getting the detention center set up, Jack made his way through town to try and find people who might be easily be swayed to going back to the dorm and saving them from their own nutty goodness.

"Hi there!" Jack said approaching Alex. "How are you feeling today?"

When Alex didn't respond, Jack rolled his eyes. "Great. A fake coma."

A few minutes later Jack had Alex thrown over his shoulder and headed back to the dorm.

"At least this one won't try to escape."