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Portalocity Office, Fandom Branch, Friday

Well. He had a new employee as of tomorrow. He also had Portalocity's Guide For New Employees. It was a veritable tome of different ways to approach customers without actually giving them any assistance at all. It would almost be fascinating--if it wasn't kind of morally reprehensible. The book could give the Dark Fae a few ideas about psychological warfare, that was for sure.

Anyway, Trick made sure to set out the pretest, the answer key, and the real test for Jim to fill out tomorrow. He was more interested in the pretest, really. He wanted to see what kind of person he hired before the lad read what Portalocity expected of him.

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He was reading the handbook and wincing. Interruptions welcome.

If a interruption in the form of a magpie counted, then an interruption he had.

The bird cawed at him, turning it's head to preen for a moment.

Trick glanced up to look at the bird and then cautiously nodded in greeting.

Odds were, it was just a bird. But being a Fae--and being on this island--Trick wasn't one to take things for granted.

It stopped preening to cock it's head at him, as though it could see everything it wanted. Because a magpie is a curious little bird.

Not a smart one.

Well. Normally not a smart one. In this instance, one could say it was above average.

At least it wasn't a lightning bird! They stole everything that wasn't tied down.

"Can I help you?" he asked, setting his book aside. Who knew? This might be a customer!

It would be awfully difficult to steal with those tiny wings of his!

...and yes, no one liked lightning birds.

"I think you could, perhaps," Ikol replied.

See? See?! This was why Trick nodded at birds. Because sometimes they could talk.

"If you think it's possible, then I would like to hear how," Trick replied, utterly unsurprised at the talking thing.

No, he was not stupid to just offer his assistance willy-nilly. Trick had worked with Fae before, thanks.

It was a thing, this is true.

The bird fluttered on up closer to him. Because the height difference was more than a minor nuisance. "Answers. What more could anyone want?"

Trick smiled at the bird. "The things people could want are as varied as the people who want them," he said. "What kind of answers? Knowledge is a precious thing."

"As are words," Ikol countered. "Though those are given more freely and easier to twist and bend into shape. You are not one of the Dark Elves. That much is clear."

"I am not," Trick agreed, offering nothing more about that. "Just as you are no ordinary bird."

"I am a magpie," Ikol replied easily. "What more could I be?"

"A talking magpie," Trick noted. "One who knows his way around words very well. A magpie you may be, but no ordinary one."

Ikol preened again. Pride, after all, was universal.

"That may be," he replied. "But a magpie is my form. And form is what matters most in this world."

Just ask the foolish boy he assisted.

"Humans are often very foolish," Trick shrugged, blowing his cover. But then, he didn't think the talking magpie hadn't guessed that much already.

Guess who didn't know about radio squirrels!

"Is that your only form? If it is not rude to ask, of course."

"For now, it is." Ikol. No. No plotting anything.

Of course, for Fae, that 'now' could simply be referring to the few minute span of time the magpie spent talking to Trick. Trick certainly wasn't planning on pressing the issue.

"Well met, then, friend magpie. I'm Trick. A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Kenzi had been meaning to visit this place anyway. She had a bone to pick. And money back to demand.

"Helloooooo!"

Trick glanced up at her from the Great Book of Customer Dodging. Oh, Kenzi.

"Hello," he said, giving her a nod and Pretty Portalocity Service Smile. "Welcome to Fandom's Portalocity Office."

"Hello, my good man." Elf. Dwarf. Person. Whatever. "I am here about things that happened in November. And the compensation for mental trauma I expect."

Trick was just going to raise an eyebrow at that. "Of course," he said smoothly. "Here at Portalocity, we're always trying to make sure our customers leave satisfied."

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"I am so glad to hear that," Kenzi said, slapping down her return ticket stub from her trip in November. "Rats. Giant. Rats. There was biting and stabbing and running screaming in the dark. They were taller than you!" She gave him a very serious look. "I feel a couple thousand dollars would help me out here."

Unfortunately for Kenzi, here at Portalocity, they also did their best to never give money back to the customer.

"Well, miss," Trick said, turning his smile up a notch. The comment about his height did not endear Kenzi to him, no. "I'd certainly love to assist you with that. There are just a few things we need to get straight before I can begin processing your claim."

He handed over some forms, which asked for the standard Portalocity information (http://nohattrick.livejournal.com/897.html) for returns.

Hey, she only spoke the truth. Like that magic sitar in that one musical.

Kenzi started reading, then her eyes started widening. "What-- what? What? Are they shitting me?" She stared at Trick in shock. "This looks like an attempt at identity theft!"

Trick shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine," he admitted. "I mean, it is your prerogative to not fill it out..."

And then not get her money back, but details.

"Dude. No." Kenzi pouted, reading through it, then muttered, "Okay, so. I can come up with this crap. I'm gonna need some invisible ink, though...." She started filling it out anyway, with made-up mother's maiden name, made-up astrology sign, and the note "He'd chuck as much would as a woodchuck could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood, which it can, unless he was Professor Anakin Skywalker, in which case, you're already hosed, dude." She grimaced, rolling her eyes as she filled it out, and said, "So what's your name again? And do have anything to drink around here?"

Edited 2012-01-28 05:05 (UTC)

"I'm Trick," he replied. "And I'm pretty sure there's a law against serving alcohol to minors. Or, at least, company policy. But there's coffee in the lounge."

Next to a few bottles of alcohol. Like Trick would check her cup.

"Miss...?"

"Kenzi," Kenzi said with a little wave, then a glance toward the lounge. "I'm pretty sure it's not illegal here, or I wouldn't be a bartender at Caritas on Thursdays." She sighed, trying to remember prime numbers, then shrugged and started putting down a lot of sevens. "Coffee yay, though." She wandered over and poured herself a cup, then brightened, seeing the bottles. More yay!

Yeah, Trick really wasn't going to stop her from hitting the bottles. They were pretty limited after the glitter-baron and his crew came through last week.

"Company policy!" Trick called after her, flipping through his paperwork to see what the official stance on bad trips during November and December. He remembered they'd released a statement; he also remembered skimming it, being horrified, and putting it aside.

"La la la la laaaaa--" Kenzi sang Voltaire's When You're Evil under her breath, and poured as much as she could get out of three bottles into a half-cup of coffee. Mmm. Not terrible! She wandered back over to the counter, and huffed out a breath. "So how'd you get this job, Trickster? Hey, are you any relation to Loki?"

Trick raised an eyebrow at her for the 'Trickster.'

And waited.

"No?" Kenzi checked, then started writing again. "What's a good astrology sign for getting your money back?"

"Trick," he repeated. "And...sign of the monkey."

Like he knew. But it seemed rather apt.

"'kay," Kenzi agreed, then beamed at him as she wrote that down. "Ha! Okay. This is going to work! Yes!" Another slurp of her spirits-laced coffee. "How long does this usually take, do you know?"

Trick just looked at her and shook his head. "Well, then I send it back to headquarters and they look up your fare information based on the information you provided..."

They'd be looking a long time, Kenzi.

Sad, sad, sad Kenzi-face. Then a determined-Kenzi-face.

"So this is customer service chicken? Is that the game I'm playing with the head office here?"

"That suggestions you have decent odds of winning," Trick replied. "I don't think that's the case here."

Relenting, he added, "Even if they could find your fare information, your trip falling in the timeframe of the universe collapsing makes it highly unlikely you'll get anything more than a form letter. They are accepting no liability for circumstances beyond their control."

Kenzi stared at the guy, who sounded less like a Policy Manual and more like someone saying "My employers suck."

"Damnit." She paused. "How many people would it annoy, though, if I kept trying?" It might be worth it just for that.

At that, Trick grinned.

"A goodly number," he said. "Help yourself to more 'coffee.'"

Yes, the air quotes were that obvious.

Kenzi beamed at him. "Will do on both counts, dude."

No glitter-barons this week!

Oh, corporations, y u so evil?

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Portalocity Office, Fandom Branch, Friday

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