fandomtownies | The Park [Friday afternoon, after classes]

Sometimes the island would bring out flights of fancy with the invasions that happened. Sometimes, these "flights of fancy" turned out to be far more annoying than anyone could have hoped to realize. And sometimes the island’s inhabitants brought disasters on themselves by not realizing just how fast “fast breeding” could occur.

So today, much like yesterday, and despite the heroic work of the island's inhabitants the day before, the park was overflowing with small, obnoxious little creatures: blue, lizard-y, or fluffy with big sharp teeth.

And sometimes, disturbingly for people who didn't want to dwell on inter-species breeding, all three!

Would no one save this island from grave peril?

Pinkie Pie	Lucky for Fandom, one of their residents had some experience getting rid of small, obnoxious little creatures. What? Didn't all small obnoxious creatures work just like parasprites did? "Listen up!" Pinkie strode up to the park, staring down the swarms with great determination. "This park is for fantastically fun fabulous people- and pony-parties and play time! Not for freaky freaksome fluffy crawling creepy creep-outs! Weird little blue lizardy fluffy things, YOUR TIME HAS COME!"
Protopets & rabbits & gizkas, oh my!	The weird little blue lizardy fluffy things barely glanced up from doing their weird little blue lizardy fluffy...things...before going back to ignoring Pinkie. A couple of them flashed their big sharp teeth at her just to be sure she got the "not now, thanks" message.
Pinkie Pie	"How rude!" Pinkie said, having no idea that she would potentially be owing royalties to a small blonde moppet from the early nineties. She set her feet, only getting distracted for a short while by how strange her feet looked when she was pretending to be human, and pulled out the first of her many weapons against the hoard, gathered together painstakingly for just such an occasion: A tuba. Hope the creepy crawlies liked a good polka!
Protopets & rabbits & gizkas, oh my!	That was definitely a new strategy! Most of the encounters they'd had over the last few days had involved shooty or pointy death, which if you asked them (and if they could talk back), was just rude. Pinkie got a few more interested looks and some of the rabbits even moved closer to see what she was up to.
Pinkie Pie	Well, that wasn't the instant reaction she got from the parasprites, but Pinkie could work with it. Maybe they wanted fuller orchestration. Out came the accordion, harmonica, banjo, tambourine, cymbals, and base drum, which she strapped on around her torso so she could play all of them at once. Where had she been keeping all those instruments? . . . Well, let's just say that hiding them was just another function of the image inducer that had her all people-shaped.
Mr. & Mrs. Thurston Howell III	That definitely got the attention of the hordes of pests, and they began massing by Pinkie, some even bouncing along with the music. But the sound attracted more than just the pests in the park. It attracted a pest with a big fat wallet, too. "What is that confounded racket?" Thurston demanded, striding closer as Lovey tried to keep up in a pair of impractical heels.
Pinkie Pie	Pinkie paused in her tuba and harmonica playing as they rushed up and let the accordion hold the melody for awhile while she waved one cymbal-bedecked ~~hoof~~ hand. "Oh, hello there! I'm just trying to help clean up the park!"
Thurston Howell III	Thurston wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but that seemed a little fishy to him. "You're cleaning up a park with a--" his hands flailed a bit, "--one-man band kit?" Though as he thought more about it, it seemed like the sort of thing Gilligan would have tried.
Pinkie Pie	"Well yeah!" Really now, Thurston. "It's the only way to get rid of creepy crawly crazy crittery creepers! And really, who doesn't like some good music?"
Thurston Howell III	"I would hardly call this good music," Thurston grumbled to Lovey. The sheer number of the creatures in the park finally dawned on him. After three days. "I say, there's a lot of rabbits here! And some of them are blue!" Well spotted, Thurston.
Pinkie Pie	"Wow, you're really observant!" It didn't sound like sarcasm. . . . "And there'll keep being more of them and they'll keep eating everyone's food and filling up their wardrobes and nesting in their hair if we don't lead them out of town."
Thurston Howell III	"That seems...unsanitary," Thurston decided. "And you think the tuba thing will work?"
Pinkie Pie	"It better! It took me forever to find all these instruments! I don't suppose you know how to play the maracas?"
Thurston Howell III	Thurston chuckled richly (as he did so many things, being so rich). "No. No, I don't."
Pinkie Pie	Pinkie giggled along. She did represent the element of Laughter, after all. "Oh gosh, well, it's not very hard! Would you like to try?"
Thurston Howell III	"Not even a little bit," Thurston declared, reaching down to pull a rabbit off of his pants. "Those are dry clean only," he scolded it. "Maybe Lovey would be interested," he suggested.
Pinkie Pie	"You're kind of grumpy!" Pinkie observed. She looked over to Lovey. "Do you wanna play maracas? It's fuuuuun!"
Lovey Howell	"Oh, he's always kind of grumpy, my dear," Lovey replied with a fond smile at her husband. "And I would love to play them!"
Pinkie Pie	"Hurray!" No one could ever accuse Pinkie of not being enthusiastic. She held the maracas out for Lovey to take with a delighted giggle. "Just give those a shaky-shaky shake shake, and we'll have these nasties out of here licketty-split!"
Lovey Howell	"This was normally Ginger's role," Lovey mused, giving the maracas an experimental shake, "but I do love learning new things!"
Zoe "Not Enough Booze in the 'Verse" Winchester	Zoe was starting to wish she'd been allowed to put bells on the Howells, and maybe, if they kept going off on their own, the school board members would feel as frantic as she did and let her do it. "They've got to be here somewhere, the island's not that big," she said called to them, before coming around and spotting the Howells, and Pinkie Pie, and the maracas. Oh, this must have been what a heart attack felt like. "Never mind, they're not here, let's look somewhere else!" The speed with which she said it made it sound totally believable, surely.
The Men With the Attaché Case	The three men in crisp black suits turned almost identical frowns on Zoe. "I don't believe you," the bald one said. "I think that must be them over there," one of the moustached men added. The man holding the attaché case remained silent. Silent and disapproving.
Zoe Winchester	Damn it, why couldn't the board be filled with old people with terrible eyesight? "Well, look at that, maybe it is them," she said dryly. "They're talking to one of the teachers though, so maybe we shouldn't disturb them right now?"
Pinkie Pie	Look, Pinkie, new people to meet. "Hello!" she called, cymbals a-chiming as the accordion continued to hold the polka melody. "Would you like to help, too? I sure could use a good trombone player!"
B.A. Barracus	B.A. dropped his head to his hand. "Man. It's that fool, Pinkie. We're doomed."
The Men with the Attaché Case	The man with the attaché case gave Pinkie a considering look. "Ah, yes. The-" His bald colleague gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, and the moustached man broke off. Pony, he'd been about to say. But the bald man had a point. Best not to mention that where the Howells might hear. It would upset the balance of things. And that just wouldn't do. The man with the moustache, but without the briefcase, then added: "Let's see how she handles this." All of the residents of Fandom, after all, had an integral part to play in its continued operation. Perhaps... perhaps this was Pinkie's.
Zoe Winchester	"Yes, that's a good idea," Zoe said, wondering if drinking heavily would be a viable way to deal with her impending unemployment. It wasn't that she didn't trust Pinkie but, well, she was still a pony for god's sake, even if she did look human at the moment.
Pinkie Pie	She was a pony, in fact, that not even other ponies entirely understood. Not even Pinkie always knew where she was going with things. "Ready?" She asked, the very image of a drum major involved in Serious Business. "Let's go!" She set off at a brisk trot, playing her one-pony-band kit like there was no tomorrow.
Lovey Howell	Lovey shook her maracas at Thurston as she followed after Pinkie at a slightly more sedate pace. "When in Rome, dear." The various rabbits, gizkas, and protopets (and the weirder hybrids thereof) began following them like the world's strangest parade. Well, since the one the squirrels threw for Squirrel Week, anyway.
Pinkie Pie	And really, who didn't love a parade? No one Pinkie wanted to know, that was for damn sure. Pinkie herself was playing her little heart out, twisting her head side to side to play both the tuba and the harmonica as she pranced along out of the park and away from anywhere that the little critters could do any damage. Her image inducer was working over time trying to translate the movements of a hyperactive, un-physics-controlled pony into those of an ordinary if slightly double-jointed human woman, right up until it wasn't. The human Pinkie Pie staticked in and out for a moment, and then vanished, leaving behind Pinkie in all her true one-pony-band glory.
Thurston Howell III	Thurston's jaw dropped. He rubbed his eyes. Looked. Rubbed his eyes again. "IS THAT A PINK PONY PLAYING A TUBA?"
Zoe Winchester	Zoe stared back and forth between Pinkie and Thurston and this was definitely what a heart attack felt like. "No?" she said, putting all the confidence she could muster into her tone. "Of course not. That would be...strange." This was all Edna's fault, somehow.
Stephen Colbert	"What kind of school would have a pony working at it?" Stephen added, oh so subtly glaring at Zoe for this song and dance number. It wasn't even a catchy tune! "Let along one with such poor musical skills."
Darby Evans	"Fandom would only hire a properly musical... merry-go-round pony!" Darby insisted. "Because that's what it is. A merry-go-round pony. For the new merry-go-round!" She forced a smile. "Perhaps we could try some yoga?"
The Men With the Attaché Case	The bald man sighed, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose between two fingers. The two men with the moustaches looked at each other. They should have seen this coming, obviously. "You're under a lot of stress," the one holding the attaché case told Thurston. "A lot of stress," echoed the other moustached man. "It might be best if you went to go lie down somewhere," suggested the bald man.
B.A. Baracus	B.A. had known it was coming. Well, not specifically this, but something. That damn fool pony was crazier than Murdock. But this was for the kids, man. He drew himself up and tugged at his uniform jacket before sending his arms behind his back and presenting the Howells as trustworthy a face as he could muster. "Of course it's not a pony, sir!" B.A. gave his reply. "A pony playing a tuba is impossible, sir." Truuust the ~~big scary black man~~ uniform!!
Lizzi microphone feedback	"Not to mention," Lizzi put in, "deeply unsanitary." Yeah, Pinkie. You were being judged by a woman who'd dedicated a lifetime to upholding the ideals of cleanliness, manners and virtue. Or whatever. "Absolutely not a pony at all," she summed up.
Lisa Miller	"At most, maybe there was a person in a pony costume," Lisa suggested. "You know. For the theater in town. I hear it's very ... beatnik, sir." She smiled at Thurston. "Maybe we should go inside?"
Gideon Gordon Graves	"Not a pony," Gideon chimed in, glancing up from his phone. (Please, like he'd stopped taking care of affairs elsewhere for any of this.) "State of the art half-animatronic pony costume." Or something. He didn't care. Somehow that managed to make him sound credible. "The music part is still a work in progress."
Mrs. White	"I don't think I'd even call that music, to be honest," Mrs. White suggested. "Perhaps less tuba and more harp? I'm sure the library has an excellent catalog of sheet music, if you'd like to go choose something more appropriate, Mr. Howell."
Lovey Howell	"Oh, dear. This is just like the time Gilligan served up brownies made from that 'special' baking powder that washed ashore, isn't it." Lovey Howell looked at the assembled throng over her maracas, wide-eyed, then shook her head and patted her husband on the shoulder. "These people are clearly hallucinating, darling. Of course that's a pink pony playing a tuba."
Thurston Howell III	Thurston stared at her for a long moment. "WHAT?!" he blustered. "Lies and deception! And...and...ponies!" It was possible that those dyed-blue rabbit...things...weren't even rabbits at all!
Lovey Howell	"No, dear, just the one pony." Lovey shook her head, the flower on her entirely fabulous hat bobbing down into her face for a moment. "It's really rather a shame, that. When I was a girl, we had a whole herd in residence here! The ones with butterfly wings were especially lovely."
Stephen Colbert	"I am shocked that you people would lie to this fine, wealthy man!" Stephen said, turning on Zoe like a snake.
Zoe Winchester	After everything she'd had to deal with this week - all of which was apparently pointless and unnecessary and a waste of time and resources and good alcohol - Zoe had hit the limit of crap she was willing to take, and before she knew it, she'd pulled back and punched Colbert right in his smug, patriotic face. "I'm sorry you had to see that," she said, rubbing her hand. She wasn't sorry she'd done it, but she could have at least waited until no one else was around.
Pinkie Pie	Pinkie was far too intent on playing the nasties out of town to have noticed any of the commotion. This was probably for the best; she wouldn't have reacted well to the insults to her clearly phenomenal musical abilities.
Lovey Howell	"Well, I'm certainly not sorry!" Lovey clapped gloved fingers together in delight. Well, she tried; the maracas she'd forgotten she was holding slapped together instead, exactly on the beat of Pinkie's tune. "What an absolutely awful little man. I'm impressed that you put up with him for this long, my dear."
B.A. Baracus	B.A. moved to stand over the president, clearly upset. "Get up, fool! Act like a man, if you're capable. You were the one who said we had to put on this crazy jibber jabber play actin'. You got more than that one hit coming to you. Now B.A's gonna send you to a whole 'nother world of hurt." He pounded his fist into his palm. "And you won't need no portal to get there."
Thurston Howell III	"Portal?" Thurston repeated, still looking rather flummoxed. "Lovey, you've known about all of this?"
Lovey Howell	"Well, of course. Surely I've mentioned the finishing school I went to back east?" To... him. At some point in the last thirty years. If not to the Fandom High School Board members. Lovey clap-rattled again, this time for a particularly effective OOMPH-BAH-BAH from Pinkie Pie's tuba. "Though I wasn't expecting a shapeshifting pony." She nodded toward Zoe as she added, "Ours could fly, but they only ever turned into people on those weekends. We did have a were-dolphin in charge of the swim team, though."
Mrs. White	"We can stop pretending this insanity isn't happening. Fabulous," Mrs. White said, fanning herself as she turned to Colbert. "And just shut-up, idiot, before you make things worse."
Zoe Winchester	"Were-dolphin? That's a new one on me," Zoe said, surprising herself with a laugh. "I take it you enjoyed your time here?"
Lovey Howell	"Except for that awful week during senior year when the Brood kidnapped all of the cabana-boys and we had to do our own laundry--" She shuddered. "It was the happiest time of my life!" Ahem. Lovey... "Until I met my Thurston, of course." She transferred both maracas to one hand and slipped the other around his arm.
Thurston Howell III	Thurston harrumphed. "Thank you very much, my dear," he said. "So this is why you wanted money going here instead of to Harvard? When I was picturing your finishing school, I thought of somewhere a little less--" how to put this delicately, "--insane."
Lovey Howell	Said the man who'd been trapped on an island with Gilligan for a decade. "This?" Lovey waved her maracas around at the park and the pied pipering pink pony. "Insane? It's all terribly ...well, quaint, I suppose, but nothing like the island when I was here. I mean, those uniforms, how utterly drab. And where are the dancing wildebeests? Why, the park doesn't even have a hot fudge fountain yet!"
Stephen Colbert	"That doesn't even make sense for here!"
Eunice Wentworth Howell, Class of 2822	"It makes perfect sense for here," Lovey sniffed. "Just not now." She raised her non-maraca hand in a perfect Vulcan salute, though not a very high one, since her arm was still linked with her husband's. "Eunice Wentworth Howell, Fandom High Class of 2822. Our graduation motto was 'Live long, prosper, and never play strip-Monopoly with a Ferengi.'" She would just let Thurston assume she hadn't learned that one first-hand.
Zoe Winchester	The force of the glare Zoe was shooting at Colbert could have heated a block of houses, but she put her smile back on for Lovey. "That sounds like a wise motto. As does the hot fudge fountain."
Thurston Howell III	"Well, I'll be hornswoggled," Thurston finally managed. "So maybe this isn't the ideal retirement location, darling, since it doesn't have--" he couldn't believe he was saying this, even after a decade with Gilligan, "--enough pink ponies? Should we stick with our other two islands for the time being?" One of them being Australia?
Lovey Howell	"Don't be silly." Lovey patted his arm. "There's no need to wait; we'll just move a few years on to when things have become a bit more civilized. No offense, my dear." Sorry, Zoe; at least you got a kind, if somewhat batty smile? "If we leave them a sizable enough donation now, society should be almost bearable here by the Twenty-Fifth Century!"
Zoe Winchester	Sizable enough donation got Zoe to brighten even more. "No offense taken, I assure you," she said smoothly. "I realize now how simple things must seem here, and I think I can speak for everyone in charge when I say that we'd be happy to accept any kind of donation to make things better for our students and teachers, and the town." Maybe she could get Jan to help her convince Cable to put in the fudge fountain first.
Lisa Miller	Lisa had been looking increasingly annoyed through the whole conversation. She'd put up with Stephen Colbert and killer bunnies for most of a week over something that could have been resolved with a simple explanation days and days ago. It was ... exactly the kind of thing her boss at WNYX would do, actually. "Mrs. Howell," she asked, trying not to sound irritated, "was there a Jimmy James in your class?" It really would explain a lot.
Lovey Howell	Lovey frowned, trying to recall. "There... was. I believe he was devoured during the invasion of French bears, though."
Lisa Miller	"Well," Lisa said. "Now I know why he wanted me to do this." Though how he'd come back from being eaten by French bears was anybody's guess. She cleared her throat sheepishly. "So, uh ... I guess everything is okay now? Other than the" -- she gestured to a bunny attempting to devour a blue thing -- "usual insanity? And I can help get bids for the ah, fudge fountain."
Gideon Gordon Graves	"Excellent direction for the funds to go in," Gideon chimed in, half sarcastic and half... just amused that this was the kind of place where a feature like that might come to happen. It was completely pointless but still. Entertaining. "Maybe a special stable for the pony, too." Hilarious.
Mrs. White	"Only if we get to stable Mr. Colbert as well," Mrs. White replied, folding her arms. "Are we done with this pretense, now?" Beat. "And are there cabana boys around here?" Maybe one of them would be wealthy or attractive enough to be Mr. White for awhile.
Lizzi microphone feedback	"Oh, I do hope not," Lizzi said. "If there's one thing I've learned from my other job as a Zeta Beta Zeta Nationals consultant, it's that cabana boys are never a good idea."
Mr. & Mrs. Thurston Howell III	The horrified looks on the faces of both Howells had to serve as evidence of their opinion on that statement, dumbstruck as they were by the concept.
Darby Evans	It was decidedly foreign to Darby, as well. Cabana boys were essential! "You know," she said, pulling the direction of the conversation back, "I believe my in-house designer has done some excellent work on chocolate fountains. Perhaps I'll send him along to see what he can install!"
The Men With the Attaché Case	"Perhaps," the bald man agreed in a totally noncommittal sort of manner. "For now I think it's best if we let the residents of Fandom-" "The current residents of Fandom," clarified the other man with the moustache. "The current residents of Fandom," said the first, with a nod to his associate, "get back to their daily lives."
B.A. Baracus	B.A. was not really a fan of the idea of a chocolate fountain, but if it got the school funded for another year... "I agree, man. Let these kids go back to just being kids."
Pinkie Pie	Pinkie would have added that they let the ponies get back to being ponies, too -- but she was now leading a merry parade of small obnoxious bitey little invasive species members into the Portalocity offices to be shuttled off back to their home territories. Really, what would Fandom have done without her?