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jgob ; tuesday afternoon

Sam was still on the island. Really, after his unexpected trip to the island yesterday, he'd just been too lazy to leave yesterday. He'd booked a hotel room and finally gotten a few hours of sleep. He'd woken up and intended to head on back to Seattle but wandered back to the island to at least eat something before he headed off.

It'd been quiet yesterday and he'd liked that. Nothing weird was happening, no invasions seemed to be occurring and he did like the sweets the various shops had. So, he bought some things for himself and then bought a few things for Brid, Ramon and Frank as a way to make up for his absence.

His portal was scheduled for an hour or so from now so he was sitting outside the pastry shop while he ate. He'd enjoy the lack of rain for a bit longer.

[Sam's mainly here for one person who likes evil but the post is open]

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Natalie had heard he'd been on the island yesterday from the radio. She'd kind of assumed he'd be long gone by now.

So of course he was outside JGoB when she was intending to get a donut or something to take back to her room. Of course.

She nodded an awkward greeting. Pretending not to have seen him would never have worked.

Sam always knew this was a possibility, of course. She lived here and she had a right to be out. So, when he saw her and saw her greet him, he nodded very slightly back.

And then he returned his attention to his muffin.

Natalie bit on her lip and thought she should leave it at that. Just go in and get her pastries and be on her way.

Instead, she asked, her tone soft and almost wryly amused, "Is that all?"

She had a weakness.

"Is what all?" Sam asked after a moment's quiet. "I returned your gesture. There should have been more?"

"It's a little... little." She shrugged. "But, you're the one who wants to be nothing. Guess I can't blame you."

And she was the one who stole conversations from him with the wrong face.

"No, I don't want to be nothing," Sam said, looking up at her. "But I can't have what I wanted. You told me that. So, don't."

"'We're not anything, Natalie'," she recited, then left it at that. Just watched him for a moment. "I thought you'd be gone by now."

"Well, I'm not," Sam said, grabbing for his bottle of water so he could take a drink. "I'm leaving soon though. I just thought I'd grab some food for me and my friends before heading back."

"Well, that is a wise choice," Natalie replied, a little flatly. "How is everyone?"

She was still allowed to ask that, right? As foolish as it may have been.

"They're fine," Sam said before taking a bite of his muffin. "Everyone's good. I'll tell them you asked."

Or maybe he wouldn't. He didn't know. "They're cool."

He was the one who wasn't.

"Good," Natalie said, simply. "And you?"

She knew. But like she'd said before, she was trying to keep tabs on whether he was getting his ass handed to him by werewolves or anything.

"Fine," he said simply. He hadn't gotten beaten up lately so that was a good thing. But, there were other things going on that she wasn't going to know. Not anymore. "Why?"

Natalie shrugged a shoulder.

"You know why."

Whether he understood was a different matter entirely.

Sam sighed quietly and rubbed his brow. Her still caring and making it obvious that she did sucked. It sucked because he couldn't have anymore than that.

"Honestly, Natalie, even if I wasn't, I doubt I'd tell you," Sam said plainly. He didn't say it harshly but it was the truth.

There was a brief wave of sadness at that, and maybe she broadcast it on purpose, maybe not.

She shrugged again. "Won't stop me asking."

Whether it was on purpose or not, Sam still felt it and he winced.

"That doesn't make sense," he said, shaking his head. "But, whatever. Ask all you want. You'll get the same answer every time."

Natalie felt a little guilty at the wince. But only a little. She had a lot bigger things to feel guilty about, for one thing.

"As long as you keep answering, I'll know you're not dead."

So there.

Sam rubbed a brow over his face and wondered about the feelings of guilt he'd just picked up from her. He didn't really question them.

"No, I only hang out with the dead. I'm not actually one of them. Not yet," he said dryly. "But I'm never gonna get why you ask. You dropped me because I was crushing you. What's good's it going to do if you know I'm hurt? More crushing? Because that'll be great for my ego."

He shook his head again.

"You weren't crushing me," Natalie replied, more softly though she made sure to keep it clean of all actual emotion all the same. "I was."

And then she shrugged again.

"I care. I didn't stop, and I don't plan to."

"And do you know how much that hurts me?" Sam asked, looking up at her. "Still hearing that you care? It sucks, it really does, because this is all I get from that. You asking me how I am and then leaving again."

Sam rubbed his eyes. "I don't get why you do that."

"So you'd just prefer to be cut out completely?"

Because she was going to do that to someone else, eventually.

That was a stupid question and he didn't know how to answer it. He really didn't.

"I'd prefer you acknowledge that you're hurting me and I wanna know why I shouldn't just ask you to leave me alone."

"You're a grown man," Natalie pointed out. Sidestepping the first part, maybe, but. "I trust you to be able to make your own mind up about whether you want me to leave you alone or not, without me having to plead for why you shouldn't. If you ask me to, I will."

She was going to hurt like hell, but she would.

"Not even a slight acknowledgement," Sam said, laughing ruefully. "Not even a little. You avoided the whole thing all together. Jesus, Natalie."

"You're avoiding something right now, too," Natalie remarked, with just the slightest raise of her eyebrow. She could help it about as little as the sarcasm of her added, "Jesus, Sam."

Well, he hadn't told her to go to hell. And she'd expected this, him getting hung up on that instead of really answering her. She'd done the same.

She brushed hair away from her eyes and dropped the sarcasm and any signs of spite. She was sincere. "I'm sorry if it hurts that I care, Sam. I'm sorry if it feels unfair, and I'm sorry I wish we could be friends. It would be easier for me, too, if I didn't."

"We're not going to be friends," Sam replied, shaking his head. "No."

He didn't care if she wanted that. He just wasn't going to allow it to happen. He failed at saying anything else for the moment.

"Yeah," she said, a little rueful, "your narrative seems pretty adamant about that."

He 'wasn't going to allow it'? Yeah, that stung. But then everything about this did, and she thought she probably deserved it.

"What?" Sam got caught slightly off guard by the comment. He'd forgotten about that little talent of hers.

"I don't know how you can but I can't go from being with you for a year to just being friends. Even if I wanted to be friends, I couldn't," Sam told her. "That's not and will never be what I want."

"But you haven't told me to leave you alone, either."

A bold thing to say, maybe. Drawing attention to the fact that he hadn't said it.

Maybe she was willing him to sidestep it again.

"Natalie, don't push me or I will," Sam told her, eyes narrowing. "Don't try and talk me into circles."

For a second, he thought of another encounter and watched her curiously before that vanished off his face.

"What was that look?"

She could guess. But didn't it cement her innocence if she was just curious about his curiosity?

"Nothing," he said, waving a hand. "It was nothing."

It was something but he didn't think it was anything important.

"Just a stupid memory."

"I doubt any of your memories are stupid." He just didn't know how significant some of them were. "But, okay."

She should've been going now, probably. Didnd't really have anything to add.

(And yes, she was afraid of pushing him into saying what she didn't want to hear.)

"Uh huh." Sam finished his muffin and his water and tossed them into a nearby trashcan. "Stupid or not, it's not important.

His portal would be arriving soon. And then he'd be back in Seattle. "Anything else I can do for you before I go back home?"

See, that was somewhat polite.

Natalie couldn't even tell if he was being civil or just petty. So, her reply was a little airy.

"Nothing you wouldn't be angry at me about asking for."

Which was... everything, pretty much.

"Yeah sorry, being angry comes with the territory these days," Sam told her, standing up and pulling his jacket around him. "Maybe I'll get over it one day."

Or maybe not. "Whatever, I've gotta go. See you around."

Too bad Natalie couldn't see the future. If she could, she would've bet he'd get over it right around the time she'd let go of being even remotely a nice person. Far be it from them to ever be in sync.

She gave him a nod. "Yeah. See you, Samhain."

Sam turned and started walking away without another word. He had pastries to pass out and a portal to catch.

And he was angry again. Swell.

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jgob ; tuesday afternoon

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