The Causeway, Saturday Morning

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

The State - that freeloading parasite that strove to devour the livelihoods of all free Americans - had insisted that Ron take up several of his many accrued vacation days. There were advantages and disadvantages, but far be it from Ron to object to anything that might gum up the workings of Pawnee government for a few weeks. He had taken his survival pack and his gun and trekked out into the woods to spend his paid leave communing with nature's bounty.

But before he had even shot and grilled his first animal, something happened. Something that had never happened before. Something Ron was not aware was even possible: he had gotten lost. Lost. Had government made him soft? No: it might try, but it could not beat him. Something else had to be going on here.

The forest began to thin as he went along. Somewhere along the line, he bumped into a very large, gleaming gentleman who nodded at him and gave him what he presumed to be a map. Ron did not believe in shortcuts, so he merely placed the piece of paper in his backpack, nodded back at the large half-metal man, and proceeded onwards. Eventually, he ran out of forest, and instead found a road, at the end of which was a land bridge, which led to a city.

Ron was hungry. He wondered if they served burgers here.

He looked up at the large spiral of the-- what was it, a cathedral? That was downright European, yuck-- and frowned.

"I wonder if they serve burgers here."

[[ open! ]]

Comments

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April, as it happened, was on her way back from class in Baltimore, which was why she was on her way down the Causeway with a paper bag full of fast food in hand. It wasn't that common for her to see other people heading back toward Fandom this early in the morning, so she peered to see who it was, and was briefly surprised to recognize the legendary Duke Silver, the trumpet player whose albums never stopped playing in the Ludgate house when April's mom had anythinig to say about it.

Huh. Well, that was something.

She gave him a nod. "'Sup."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Hello, young person."

'Sup? Sup. Okay. Young people.

Ron turned towards the girl and said, "Would you happen to know the location of the closest dining establishment? And by 'dining establishment', I mean somewhere that serves meat."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"What other kind of dining establishment is there?" April asked, so mildly that it was pretty clearly rhetorical. "There's a diner like two blocks into town. Or there's a burger stand in the bowling alley on Griffin Way."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"This diner," Ron said, thinking it over. Burger stands in bowling alleys did tend to serve burgers the way they should be served, without any extraneous rabbit food. But the diner would have bacon. "How is the breakfast menu?"

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"I don't know, I don't wake up early enough for breakfast."

And when she did, it was chili, and it was off a frisbee. Like a lady.

"You new or something?"

She was pretty sure he was new. She would have noticed Duke Silver running around town.

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"I am on vacation," Ron said, pronouncing each word as if it were a weighty statement. "So I find myself traveling to your lovely town of..."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"Fandom," April supplied. "'Lovely' is a stretch, FYI."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"And you need to learn to respect the most important meal of the day," Ron said, "But I will accept both flaws this once."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

...What.

"Um, the most important meal of the day is beer and chips," April corrected him gently. "That can happen at any hour."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Have you ever had bacon-wrapped bacon?" Ron asked. "With a side of eggs. And bacon."

... that sounded really good right now. Where was that diner again?

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"No," April admitted. But it was intriguing. "What is that, like, basically a ball of bacon you can bite into?"

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Yes," Ron said solemnly. "It is one of the world's finest culinary inventions." A pause. "How about you point me to this diner of yours?"

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

April glanced at the fast food bag in her hand. Meh, she could always save it for later. "Yeah, I want to try this bacon thing," she decided. "This way."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Lead on, young person," Ron said. There was a spring in his step as he followed: the promise of food was doing wonders. He hadn't even had pre-breakfast or breakfast today. "My name is Ron Swanson."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"April," April replied, leading the way. "Welcome to Fandom or whatever, where the deer are blue and there are teenagers everywhere."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Nice to meet you, April," Ron replied, as he fell easily into step. "I look forward to eating your deer and avoiding your teenagers."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

Seemed like good priorities to April. "Pro tip, don't hide out in bars," she advised. "They don't card here so the kids tend to congregate."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Ducking state liquor laws?" Ron asked. He looked thoughtful. "I approve of that."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

...Okay then.

"Bartenders are underage, too," April added helpfully, since it seemed like he might support that. "You're looking at one."

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"Are you?" Yep, approval. Definitely. "The younger you start working, the better. Teaches you the importance of private enterprise. You add alcohol to that mix, and you're double up for education."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

Well. That certainly was an opinion she needed to hear more often. "Thank you?" April said, mildly amused by this guy. Then because she was actually a little curious, "What do you do?"

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

"I am the director of Parks and Recreation of Pawnee, Indiana," Ron said. How far until the diner? He was hungry.

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

There were stairs in the way, Ron! Be patient!

"No shit," April replied. "I'm from Pawnee."

Did people know Duke Silver lived in Pawnee? Well - it made sense. He didn't look like an Eagleton kind of guy.

Coming to a stop in front of the diner, she swung open the door and held it open for him before turning back to Ron to check, "So like, you get credit for all the raccoons and the garbage everywhere?"

She sounded like she was a big fan of raccoons and garbage.

[nomeatvirgin.livejournal.com]

Stairs were unAmerican!

"Yes," Ron said, with no small hint of pride. "I see it as my duty to ensure that as little money as possible gets spent on parks and associated services. If the people want clean parks, corporations can buy them."

[hatesmoststuff.livejournal.com]

"Good job," April said. "Here they actually, like, clean the streets and stuff. It's weird."