fandomtownies | Fandom Post Office, Tuesday (November 5)

As a general rule, bulk advertising mailers being processed through Fandom's post office were to be handled carefully. While, as rules went, this one seemed arbitrary and pointless, it really was there for a reason, and after carelessly tossing a bundle of dubious vacation-sweepstakes fliers into the wrong sorting bin along with a stack of postcards recruiting volunteers for a clinical trial, Éponine -- who emerged from the back room of the post office for the first time in about two and a half weeks, looking somewhat better rested than she had in possibly years -- could claim she spoke from experience if she ever had to explain that rule to anyone.

A lot of people might wonder what the point was of winning an all-expenses-paid cruise if the conditions required you to spend the majority of the time doing sleep trials, but while Éponine had no intention of making that sorting mistake again, the food had been good and they'd paid her $1500 for essentially doing nothing, so she wasn't going to complain.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But just the front part of it. There are reasons those bulk mailers get kept in the back.

Who is rather bemused by the fact that she wasn't even trying to get anything for free that time.

It had taken a while to round it up, which is why Drac was so late getting to the Post Office. Nothing to do with the sunlight today. He hadn't wanted this from the moment it had shown up.

It being the left arm of his best friend.

Drac set the rather large blue grey arm (well, hand and wrist, technically) on the counter. "I wish to return this to its owner."

The hand gave him the finger.

"Well now!" exclaimed Éponine -- granted, after several seconds of staring slack-jawed at the arm (admittedly, only slightly more slack-jawed than she'd been before he came in). "Would you look at that, now I know I'm back for sure, that I do."

She leaned forward to squint at the arm a bit. "Does its owner know it's missing, d'you think? That ought to be obvious, but people can be so silly sometimes."

Said the girl who'd barely noticed her two youngest brothers existing at all, much less suddenly being gone one day.

"You'll have to sign an awful lot of papers, I'm afraid. We're a bit particular about mailing -- well, I never thought anyone really would."

"It belongs to my friend, and it's more credible that he thinks he's misplaced it." Drac sighed. "Or that it was taken by someone. I believe it ran away."

The arm made an OK sign with its fingers.

"See?" Drac shrugged. "Either way it's very urgent that it gets back."

"Are you doing all right there, monsieur le bras?" Éponine asked the arm in a conversational tone, as if there were absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a detached limb. "Don't worry about a thing; we'll see that you get back to the rest of your body before you get too lonely."

Humming vaguely to herself, she moved away to pull a bundle of paperwork, about a centimeter thick, out of a rather dusty stack and set it down on the counter near the arm.

"How do you like that? I didn't expect anyone to ever really need to fill this out."

Most shipments didn't really need to come with exhaustive questionnaires about whether the body part being shipped was capable of operating independently and its approximate level of sentience.

Was the hand grooming and primping? Why yes, yes it was. Drac slapped it. "Get hold of yourself; you're a married hand!"

Obviously Drac was not going to judge the nice lady about talking to limbs.

"Don't go to any trouble, young lady. It can simply be put in a box, it's used to travelling by post..." He hesitated a moment as the hand started tapping on the counter. "I suppose I should make it priority."

"Are you, now!" Éponine feigned indignation very well, it had to be said. "That isn't very proper of you, if so."

She decided she was allowed to be flattered, though.

"Though," she added, focusing her attention on Drac now, "are you sure it'll be all right in just a box? Maybe you ought to wrap it a bit, at least, so it doesn't rattle about in there?"

A pause.

". . . oughtn't we be concerned about it smothering?"

"Ah. Packing. yes. Frank usually uses those small white things."

"...Smothering?" Drac looked from her to the hand, and then back to her.

"Well, it isn't as if there's much air to be had in a box," Éponine said, practically. "And it'd be dreadful if I had it all packaged up and ready to go and never thought to see whether it might need to breathe. I've never met just an arm before, you see, how was I to know?"

She started rummaging beneath the counter for the packing peanuts, then popped back up abruptly.

"Look here -- did you say usually? How often does your friend misplace his arm?"

"I am afraid that don't know how it works; can an arm suffocate?"

Drac considered that. "It's not that he often misplaces limbs. Frank travels by mail. Has for years, if he has a choice. He and his wife both. It saves money and is something easily done when you can take yourself apart."

"Though I'm not sure if any part of him has ever run off on its own."

"Well, I suppose it isn't too much of a concern if they do it all the time," Éponine decided, although her slight frown suggested she was still a bit dubious about the whole prospect.

Well, no matter. It was business, and the risks weren't her concern. Shouldn't be, Papa would have said, but she still felt better for checking.

"But I'll just leave a little hole in the box for air to be sure, shall I?"

Drac smiled. "Both Frank and Eunice are monsters that can take themselves apart and put themselves back together again with ease. They were made, you see."

"If you leave a hole..." He nodded to the arm, which was scratching itself. Don't ask how. "It won't be able to escape and return, will it? I would rather not have Frank come looking for it. I need him where he is."

Back, but I might still be pretty slow. Here, have the Cell Block Tango to make up for it.

(This post brought to you by my ridiculous sleep pattern and the letters I, D, E, and K.)

Fandom Post Office, Tuesday (November 5)

Mod Your Post Office [11/5]

Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

Re: Talk to Éponine [11/5]

OOC [FPO 11/5]