fandomtownies | Luke's, Tuesday

Hardison was a little wary when he came downstairs to the diner again. Unlike Eliot, he was not so sanguine as to think he could ignore a monstrosity in the freezer just because he wanted a normal day. But when he poked his head into the kitchen, everything seemed quiet. The dishwasher and the busboy were debating the merits of jeggings over leggings, cook was serenely slicing up vegetables to go into a bubbling pot, the rest of the waitstaff had started an impromptu game of Go Fish. Apparently, whatever crisis had infested the freezer had passed.

"Everythin' cool, yo?" he asked, just to be sure.

"Yeah," Cook replied, not even turning to look at him. "In fact, wanna get me some more stew beef? There was too much for me to grab from the freezer this morning."

"Sure, man," Hardison said, opening the door--

ONLY TO BE GREETED BY A GIANT MASS OF TEETH AND FLESH AND--OH GOD WAS THAT A TENTACLE?!?!

With a high-pitched scream, Hardison slammed the door to the freezer, shoving himself against it to brace it closed. The rest of the kitchen began laughing hysterically.

"There is somethin' wrong with alla you!" Hardison yelled, storming into the dining room. "I'mma make Eliot fire y'all, see if I don't!"

Today's Specials
Anything made with fresh ingredients.
Nothing frozen.
Unless you wanna get it

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Leave Hardison to his angry brooding in the next booth.

He's planning on leaving a positively scathing Yelp review.

Eliot swung by to check in on things. And, you know, harass Hardison.

Except Hardison already looked pretty harassed.

"The hell's the matter with you?"

"There's somethin' wrong with your damn staff," Hardison growled. "They thought it'd be funny to send me into the goddamn freezer with that...toothy-claw-monster in there."

At seeing the boss checking in, the kitchen staff suddenly got reeeeeal quiet. And very busy.

Eliot's eyes narrowed. He whirled on the staff. "You did what?"

The cook and the dishwasher both pointed at the busboy. The busboy gaped back at them, betrayed.

"We weren't going to let it eat him. . . ."

It's like they didn't realize how squishy Hardison was! There was a reason fighting the injured was his niche!

"Naww, just chew on me a little or somethin'," he scoffed. "What the hell was that thing?!"

The kitchen staff cowered. Eliot folded his arms over his chest. "Well?"

The busboy mumbled something.

"Didn't catch that."

"It's a tentacle monster."

Eliot sighed. "Again?"

"Again?!" Hardison demanded. "The hell you mean, 'again'?! Why is there a tentacle monster in the damn freezer an', far more importantly, why was there one in there before?!"

The whole staff, including Eliot, answered at once. "Because it's Fandom."

Eliot shook his head. "Alright, someone get me the butcher knife."

Hardison was really starting to hate that answer.

"Are you out your damn mind?" he asked. "That thing's, like, half the size of the damn freezer an' you wanna attack it with a butcher knife? Why not just really go for the sportin' way an' take a fork instead?"

"Good point. Get the barbecue fork, too." The busboy nodded and dashed off. Eliot started pulling his hair back. "Look, I'd get my sword, but it's all the way across the island. Plus it might get all goopy."

He wasn't going to wreck a prized Hanzō on a tentacle monster.

And yet it was so oddly fitting!

"God dammit," Hardison muttered, pushing himself out of the booth to stalk into the kitchen. "There's gotta be somethin' I can do to help, since you wanna go all caveman up on that thing. What the hell happened to those spears y'all were usin' yesterday?"

He did not approve of this Eliot! Not at all!

Eliot brightened. "Really? . . . You're not just going to end up standing there shrieking, are you?"

"No, but I am gonna bitch the entire goddamn time!" Hardison snapped, aggravated with every damn person in the kitchen. He supposed he should just be grateful that Parker wasn't here, convinced she could taze the stupid thing into submission. "Just so we're clear, this is not on the list of Hardison-approved date activities!"

He snatched the spear the busboy offered, sending him scurrying off with another glare.

"An' if this turns into some kinda hentai anime thing, I am SHAVING YOU BALD!"

It was the worst threat he could come up with.

"It ain't that kind of tentacle monster," Eliot said patiently. "Probably. The last one wasn't." He tucked barbecue fork into his back pocket and spun the butcher knife. Then smirked. "Kiss for luck?"

He'd maybe wanted to say that for awhile, now.

If Eliot had expected a Parker-esque 'I don't need luck' refusal, he was in for a world of disappointment. "Aww hell yes!" he declared, reaching over to cup Eliot's head and pull him in for a deep kiss. His hand knotted into Eliot's hair, because if he was going to be stupid and fight a tentacle monster with a spear, he was going to be damn well kissed silly for it first.

Eliot absolutely was not expecting 'I don't need luck' from Hardison, no. He put his free hand on Hardison's lower back and kissed back hard, then pulled back with a grin. "You got any idea how long I've been wanting to do that?"

The cook cleared his throat. Eliot silenced him with a wave of his butcher knife.

And if that wasn't enough for the cook, Hardison had a spear he would be all too happy to wave around ineffectually to quiet him down.

"Maybe almost as long as me?" he asked, suddenly in a much better mood, even in the face of their imminent toothy, tentacle-y death. "You kill this thing an' we can head upstairs for a real hero's reward."

Sex, Eliot. He was definitely talking about sex.

So they were going to get to fight a tentacle monster and then go have victory sex?Right now, Eliot loved this island.

"Sounds fair," he said, and spun the butcher knife again before turning to yank open the freezer door. The tentacle monster roared at him. Eliot roared back.

Sorry you were in love with crazy people, Hardison.

Dammit, Eliot! Stop making knife-whirling so damn sexy!

Because now Hardison was yelling, too, and flinging himself forward, spear in hand, to try and...kill a tentacle monster.

Hardison hated this island.

Wait, no, then victory sex upstairs.

...This island was a'ight, but also on notice.

Still no idea what's in there!

Luke's, Tuesday

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OOC