Luke's, Thursday

[geniuswithasmartphone]

There was loud banging and some general yelling coming from the restaurant today, which had Hardison heading down to see what was going on. Of course, as soon as he had, he immediately wished he was back upstairs.

The yelling was coming from the kitchen staff as they once against fought off a tentacle coming from the freezer. This tentacle, however, appeared to be made of cookie dough and the busboy was attempting to cut through it with a cheese wire, while the cook and dishwasher tried to shut the freezer door. Another severed tentacle lay on a nearby tablecloth, this one made of Oreos and trailing white filling.

"Almost got it!" the busboy yelled. "Shove on three...two...one!" An unearthly howl came from the freezer as the wire sliced through the last of the dough and the busboy staggered under the sudden weight. Cook and the dishwasher heaved, and the freezer door slammed shut again. Hardison nearly stepped forward to offer his help when the busboy tossed the tentacle onto the tablecloth with the Oreo one and turned back to the others. "Okay!" he said. "I'm pretty sure I spotted Tim Tams and I know I saw Thin Mints. Odds are good that there's at least one peanut butter cookie tentacle as well. So, we ready to open on three?"

"Ready!"

And Hardison was left to confront the idea that a tentacle monster made of cookies wasn't the most horrifying thing in the kitchen today. Yup. Shoulda stayed upstairs.

Today's Specials
Tim Tam Slams
Chocolate Chip Cookie Pizza
Death By Oreo Cupcakes

[OCD free today!]

Comments

[vdistinctive]

Eliot was swinging by to check on things on his way upstairs, but stopped short at the specials menu.

"This place turn into a bakery when I wasn't lookin'?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Don't even ask me about this man," Hardison said, determinedly not looking into the kitchen. "I ain't involved in none of this."

[vdistinctive]

"Of course not," Eliot said, rolling his eyes. "None of the specials involve gummy frogs."

A round of excited shouts came from the kitchen. Eliot eyed it suspiciously.

"Do I want to know?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Tentacle monster," Hardison said, with the kind of calm that only came from being utterly DONE with everything. "In the freezer."

[vdistinctive]

"Huh. Usually that makes them want to make sushi."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Different kind of tentacle monster, yo," Hardison sighed. "Let's just say there's a reason I ain't eatin' today's desserts..

This tooooooooooown.

[vdistinctive]

". . . Did the tentacle monster make them?"

That was slightly better than the other reason Eliot's brain immediately supplied.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Nnnnoooooooooope!"

Of course it wasn't the better option.

[vdistinctive]

"Go for the snickerdoodle one!" shouted the busboy. There was a moment of silence.

". . . We don't serve snickerdoodles here," said the cook in dire tones.

Eliot's face did the thing where he had too many horrifying thoughts and emotions about something and it just kind of settled into a neutral death glare. "Sometimes I really hate this island."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"...Why don't we serve snickerdoodles?" Hardison cursed his curiosity because he knew he'd hate the answer. Just knew it.

[vdistinctive]

"I don't know," Eliot said. "First I've heard of it."

And no, he wasn't going to be asking.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Yo!" Hardison called into the kitchen. "What's the problem with snickerdoodles?"

The busboy shrugged. The dishwasher just shook his head. And, as per usual, the cook just ignored him.

[vdistinctive]

"Psst," one of the waitstaff, standing by the table next to theirs, leaned over, looking furtively towards the kitchen. "It's because of that old rumor."

Eliot could not have looked less enthused if he tried, but he still asked: "What rumor?"

"You know," the waiter said. "That they're made of people!"

Eliot stared at her for a moment, then sighed heavily through his nose.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"You moved here," Hardison said idly, like they were discussing poor weather over coffee. "We could still be in Portland right now, with no dessertacles or soylent snickerdoodles."

He wasn't saying he disliked the island! He just wanted to point out whose fault it was they were there.

[vdistinctive]

"Portland was too hot after the black book job," Eliot said. "So you guys picked Baltimore."

He couldn't really deny the rest of it, though.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Hardison waved that away. "You know what I meant," he said. "Either way, the busboy in Baltimore wouldn't be wieldin' a cheese wire against a tentacle make of sugar cookies."

[vdistinctive]

"Yeah," Eliot agreed with another sigh. "But I was so tired of livin' in cities."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"UGH UGH UGH THIS ONE HAS COCONUT! SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR!"

"NO! I LOVE COCONUT! KEEP CUTTING!"

"EW EWW NO, I'M ALLERGIC SHUT IT! SHUT IT!"

Hardison's look was very eloquent.

[vdistinctive]

"You got to hack an alien spaceship."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"...Point!" He brightened. "...On the other hand, I was kidnapped by aliens an' had to run out the ship bare-assed."

On the other, other hand, he'd been kidnapped by aliens. On the other, other, other hand, NO ONE WOULD EVER BELIEVE HIM AND THAT WAS A MAJOR TRAGEDY.

[vdistinctive]

"That last bit was kind of a bonus for me," Eliot said, smirking.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Hardison grinned at that, and reached out with delicate fingers to caress the back of Eliot's hand. "Yeah, well, I can't say I ain't appreciate the view myself. But, y'know, I generally prefer bein' butt-nekkid without the rest of the island gettin' to watch."

[vdistinctive]

"I suppose you have a point, there." Eliot smiled, turning his hand over to catch Hardison's. "Still, you ever really think about leavin'?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Not without you an' Parker," Hardison said, lacing his fingers through Eliot's. "Don't matter to me where we end up, so long as I'm with you two. An' ain't no place is all that terrible, so long as I got you, too."

Not that would ever stop him from bitching about it. Ever. There was love and then there was expecting the impossible.

[vdistinctive]

If Hardison ever stopped bitching, Eliot would worry.

"And I ain't about to leave Kathy or her friends behind in a place like this," he said. "Guess we'd better try harder to get used to the weird."

"OH GOD IT'S GOT ME!" the dishwasher screamed.

"EAT THROUGH IT! EAT THROUGH IT!" shouted the cook.

"Most of the weird," said Eliot.