Luke's, Thursday

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"See, cause it's back to school theme," the busboy bragged.

"Yeah, I got it," Hardison sighed.

"We've been doing it all week," the busboy continued, oblivious to Hardison's clear desire to be left alone with his laptop. "Taking traditional cafeteria meals and making them here, but better."

"Caught that all on my own, yup."

"I mean, obviously the meals are going to be better here. What can a bunch of old lunch ladies make that we can't? I mean, besides anything involving the phrase 'mystery meat'?"

Hardison just groaned and buried his face with his hand. If there was some kind of feud between Luke's staff and the cafeteria workers at the school, he neither wanted to know about it or be involved.

Today's Specials
Meatloaf
Tater Tots
Side Salad
Chocolate Pudding

[No OCD]

Comments

[vdistinctive]

These days when Eliot came in on days when he wasn't actively ordering the kitchen around, he just expected to have to glare at the specials menu.

Today was no exception.

"This ain't some sort of weird comfort food thing, is it?" he asked Hardison.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Man, I don't even wanna get involved in this," Hardison said. "I think they're makin' fun of school lunches or somethin'. I dunno. I'm told tomorrow there'll be pizza."

Sure, every item on the list was a much fancier and homemade version of what a student could expect, but that seemed to be the point.

"Don't get too grumpy, least about the food," he added. "The tots are homemade an' the salad is watercress an' feta. Tomorrow's pizza'll probably involve artisanal whole wheat dough an' a sauce made from heirloom tomatoes an' raw-milk mozzarella or whatever."

[vdistinctive]

"It'd damn well better be," Eliot grumbled. Because diners were generally known for their carefully crafted, organic gourmet food. "Workin' on anything in particular?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Just insertin' bills of sale an' receipts into the files for Sparkle's group home," he explained. "It wasn't somethin' I could do right there, bouncin' signals off satellites just to get wireless."

No, this involved artistry, forging different kinds of penmanship, doing research appropriate pricing, figuring out what exactly they would expect to see. It was no forged journal of a king's mistress, but Hardison liked to be thorough.

"What you been up to?"

[vdistinctive]

"Fielding calls from Toronto Social Services. We mighta done that bit maybe too well."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"It's got room," Hardison said, somewhere between proud and apologetic. Look, he didn't do things in half-measures. "We could see if they're willin' to take on extra kids? Or just route the calls to the house an' have 'em talk to the workers there."

[vdistinctive]

"Either way's gotta be better than me gettin' 'em. I can fake it for awhile, but I don't actually know how this whole thing works."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"I'll start routin' the calls now," Hardison said sheepishly. "I just wanted to make sure that if anyone had major questions, it came to one of us. But if it's all about placement stuff..."

Yeah. Far better to leave it to the actual professionals.

"Done," he said, mere seconds later. "Your phone should be free from calls relatin' to Toronto Social Services from now on."

[vdistinctive]

"Thanks." Eliot offered him a quick smile. "Was nice to do a relatively simple job, for once."

He hadn't had to punch anybody.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Which could be a plus or a minus for Eliot either way.

"Simple?" Hardison snorted. "Says you. I had to manufacture an acceptable building in under twenty-four hours in a place that didn't even have wi-fi. I juggled social services, a police auction, an' furniture delivery all at the same time. Y'all were merrily wanderin' through Ikea while I was hackin' databases the offended me personally with how clunky an' outta date they were. Might have to volunteer my time just to give 'em enough upgrades to get 'em out of the 1970s."

Translation: he'd had fun but wanted praises. Praise him, Eliot.

[vdistinctive]

Hey now, there was nothing merry about wandering around Ikea with Parker. At times either infuriating or amusing, but not merry.

"You made it look simple enough," Eliot said. That. . . was kind of the best he could do by way of praise if Hardison didn't want 'you typed really fast' and 'I bet you totally clicked everything correctly'.

Sorry you were dating a luddite, Hardison.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

I lol'd

What was wrong with 'Good job, you were totally awesome, I went weak-kneed at your competence, you should be a superhero named Hardi-man?' Honestly, Eliot!

"Course I made it took simple, yo," Hardison said. "I make everythin' look simple. It's part of my natural skill an' extreme good looks."

[vdistinctive]

First off, Hardiman was a terrible superhero name.

Admittedly, Eliot would not come up with anything better.

"Modest, too," he said, smirking. "That's really what we value most about you. Your modesty."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Hey, Eliot had approved of the name Mr. Punchy, so maybe his idea of what made good names was a bit off.

"You're right," Hardison said, grinning at Eliot. "I should add that to my list of amazin' qualities I possess. It's just the list is already so long, I tend to forget what's on it."

[vdistinctive]

Eliot had approved of the mustachioed punching graphic that accompanied Mr. Punchy.

So, yeah, his taste levels were questionable.

"Must be why you bring it up so often. To practice it."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Along with the commercial for the Japanese sports drink. Though, honestly, they should just be glad he wasn't referring to himself as 'Sexual Chocolate' or 'Mocha Magnificence.'

"That an' I'd hate for you to forget all of what you get in this one fabulous package," he teased. "Gotta remind you every so often, just in case."

[vdistinctive]

"You know we actually notice on our own, right?" Eliot asked, half-joking and half-serious. "Hell, the fact that we're not all in prison is at least mostly your doin'."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Don't even say that, yo," Hardison said, reaching over to twine his fingers with Eliot's. "We're a crew. We all worked together to keep us safe an' outta jail. You keep us gettin' caught more times than not."

[vdistinctive]

"Sure, when it can be done with punchin'," Eliot squeezed Hardison's fingers and smiled. "And if one of us did end up there, Parker'd have us back out in an instant. But you keep us out. Off all the radars."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"You keep us safe, I keep us low, an' Parker keeps us out," Hardison agreed, his smile flashing bright. "Knew I was hookin' up with the best crew on this side of the Atlantic."

[vdistinctive]

"Yeah? You figure that out at the top of that tower in Chicago, or did it take even you a little while?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Yo, you want in on a little secret?" Hardison said, waggling his eyebrows. "When I said I didn't even know what you did, I was lyin'."

[vdistinctive]

". . . You checked us out ahead of time."

Of course he had. So had Eliot, in his way.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Ain't never been stupid, yo," Hardison said. "An' I saw he was puttin' together the best of the best."

Which was the only group Hardison would have worked with. He only dealt with amateurs on his terms.

"It was the hospital," he said. "Was impressed with y'all in Pierson. Was tempted by the idea of workin' with y'all at the warehouse. Was willin' to give up bein' a loner by the hospital. I figured no matter what, it was worth it."

[vdistinctive]

"Really? I was still thinkin' 'one-and-out' by then."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"This is my surprised face," Hardison deadpanned. "It's so unlike you."

[vdistinctive]

"Shaddup," Eliot grumbled. "Bein' a loner was a damn good policy for a long time."

It wasn't like his previous non-freelance work had been that great, after all. What with it having been for Moreau.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"It's a'ight," Hardison said. "I'm used to bein' the fastest on the uptake."

That was no brag; not really. Hardison was brilliant, there was no other way of putting it.

"Just glad you finally came 'round." To everything.

[vdistinctive]

"Glad you all were willin' to put up with me in the mean time," Eliot said honestly. "'Sides, wasn't like I was gonna leave a baby like you to Nate's tender mercies without someone to protect ya."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"I was twenty-one!"

So, yeah, an infant.

[vdistinctive]

Eliot nodded. "Yeah, exactly."

21 and already had a damn fine reputation. There'd been all sorts of grumbling about 'punk kids' in Eliot's head when they'd first met.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

In fairness, it was easier to build and destroy reputations on the internet. You didn't have to travel to get to the next person to take down and the recovery period when you lost was much shorter. And he'd been able to get a much earlier start than anyone other than Parker.

"Wasn't a baby, man!"

He was pouting.

[vdistinctive]

"You were barely old enough to drink."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Like I let that stop me," Hardison pointed out. Because criminal.

...Not that he drank all that much to begin with. But that was hardly the point!

[vdistinctive]

"Shirley temples don't count."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"But they're so good!" Hardison protested.

...And then realized Eliot was just trolling him.

"I hate you so much."

[vdistinctive]

Eliot laughed. "Ain't you ever learn to respect your elders?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"You know this is only gonna lead to me callin' you Daddy at an inopportune time, right?" Hardison asked, grinning wildly.

See who sassed a Shirley Temple now!

[vdistinctive]

Eliot glared, finger pointing in Hardison's face. "You wouldn't dare."

They had the best relationship.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Of course not," Hardison said innocently.

Beat.

"I wouldn't wanna get grounded."

Beat.

"Daddy."

Hardison you asshole.

[vdistinctive]

"You're makin' your own breakfast tomorrow."

Well no.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"You mean, I get kitchen privileges?" Hardison asked excitedly.

Hardison, stop.

[vdistinctive]

"What, so you can cut your own fingers off?"

Someday, Eliot would lay off the casual threats.

. . . Okay, no. No he wouldn't.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Well, Papa-Bear, you just said I got to make my own breakfast tomorrow! What else could you mean?"

[vdistinctive]

"You're supposed to be a genius," Eliot said, smirking. "Figure it out."