Magic Box, Sunday, 10/04

[not_every_mage]

Anders hadn't gotten any visitors this year, surprise or otherwise, and he was trying to convince himself it was a good thing. Better Karl safe in the Tower than jumping through portals to Maker knew where and possibly dragging a dozen Templars along behind, right?

Right.

The fact he hadn't even heard from Karl in some months was ... well,it was what it was, and it wasn't as though worrying would make a letter appear. He set his jaw firmly and unpacked some fresh shipments of herbs.It was nice to have something useful to do.

[OOC: Open shop, open post.]

Comments

[spin_kick_snap]

"Tell me you have a spell that can erase an entire weekend from someone's memories," Kathy said, bursting through the door.

Hello to you, too, Kathy.

[not_every_mage]

"There's Lethe's Bramble," Anders mused. "But a drop too much and you'd be trying to remember your name, too. Why, were they really that bad?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"No, not for me, for them," Kathy explained. "Eliot yanked my dad's arm up behind his back and them shoved his face into the counter. He spent yesterday ranting about calling the cops and suing the school, I figure today he's going to try to make me come home."

She buried her face in her hands. "And that means I'm going to have to tell him that there's no way in hell I'm leaving Fandom before I absolutely have to."

[not_every_mage]

"I can't say I'd be overjoyed if someone shoved my face into a counter either," Anders observed, with a sigh. "What was Eliot thinking?"

He rubbed his forehead, turning to a more practical answer. "Anyhow. If you want to lock yourself in the office, I'll swear I never saw you. I can put a couple wards up to make sure they can't get in."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Uhh...he and my dad didn't really see eye to eye on a few subjects," Kathy said, displaying an impressive amount of understatement. "And if it didn't mean that I'd be leaving Sarah to wander around unsupervised, I'd be tempted to take you up on that offer. Anders, what am I gonna do?"

[not_every_mage]

"Sarah seems like the type who can take care of herself," Anders said, and sighed. "I don't know. Locking yourself someplace until they're gone or telling Eliot to finish the job he started aren't options, are they?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Sarah would have a delightful time and that's what I'm worried about," Kathy said, unaware her sister was visiting with Ezra at that exact moment. "And--wait. You think Eliot should hit my dad more?"

[not_every_mage]

Anders screwed up his face. "Not exactly. I think you need to stop worrying about what your parents think so much, and if having somebody pound your dad to a pulp would help with that I'm all for it. It's not as though I have better ideas."

[spin_kick_snap]

"At least you're not Dante," Kathy said, sighing heavily. "He was trying to get me to practice swearing more so I could, like, cuss out my dad or something. Because like that's ever going to happen, oh my god."

[not_every_mage]

"If you think calling your father a nug-humping son of a Maker-damned whore is going to help, you're welcome to it," Anders told her generously. "Why do they set you off so much, anyhow? You're across the country from them and have superpowers. They can't make you do anything."

[spin_kick_snap]

"...I'm going to remember that phrase," Kathy said. Not to use against her dad, of course, but just in general. "And because I'm not always going to be across the country. It's just--they're my parents. They're important to me. What they think matters to me. I--I can't really explain it better than that."

She had been conditioned to be quiet, respectful, and obedient. It was hard to fight against that, especially when she didn't have the words to explain it.

"We can go with them being able to drag me out of school if they really wanted to? I am a minor, still, and even if I weren't, they pay for my tuition here."

[not_every_mage]

"Nobody pays my tuition and they haven't kicked me out yet," Anders couldn't help but point out, and bit his tongue before he could say the same was true for half the school. "Sorry, I'm a bit lost. You aren't going to get someone to beat your parents up, or hide until they go home, or swear at them, or just shut up and do whatever they say. What does that leave?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy hadn't put two and two together.

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be in here looking for magic to help," Kathy groaned. "Family is stupid and complicated and there are no easy answers. At least, not if you want to stay a family."

[not_every_mage]

"I wouldn't know," Anders noted, as if it didn't hurt. "Anyhow, I don't think there's an easy magic solution either. I guess I could put a sleeping hex on your parents just to get them to stay docile until they're off the island, but that might cause more problems than it would solve."

He twisted his ponytail. "There is the insane concept of just talking to them honestly, without the swearing. Tell them you're happy here and that's what matters."

[spin_kick_snap]

"That's not what matters, though," Kathy said quietly. "Not for them. Happiness falls pretty far down the list of what's considered important."

[not_every_mage]

"It usually does, for people who have never been happy," Anders noted. "But if you said it mattered to you --?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy just laughed. It came out rather more bitterly than she would have liked.

"No, I don't think that would be very effective," she said a moment later. "Mother and father know best."

[not_every_mage]

"I see. Kathy," Anders said, with deep if feigned seriousness, "have you considered the possibility your parents really are nug-humping sons of maker-damned whores?"

Really, that was all he had at this point.

[spin_kick_snap]

This time, Kathy's laugh was a lot more free.

"You know, I'm starting to think you might be correct," she said. "It's entirely possible they are." She paused and then continued on. "Nug-humping sons of Maker-damned...We need something that isn't rude to sex workers. Besides, my grandma is a lovely woman."

[not_every_mage]

"And your mother's hardly anybody's 'son,' anyhow," Anders conceded, cracking a grin. He couldn't help Kathy, so he might as well make her laugh. "Hmmm. 'Nug-humping pimples on the Maker's holy buttocks'? Though I'm not quite sure how a pimple humps a nug."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Suppurating cysts on the Maker's hairy ballsack?" Kathy suggested. "Or do I have to put holy in there somewhere?"

[not_every_mage]

"No, no, holy is optional," Anders said approvingly. "You have the idea down exactly. You could also try 'reeking turds in Andraste's holy chamber pot,' but that'd be obscene even for us."

[spin_kick_snap]

"We don't admit Andraste had bodily functions?" Kathy asked. "Also--when people call her the Bride of the Maker, like, how literally is that interpreted? Are they assuming chaste marriage, or...?"

[not_every_mage]

"I was thinking more that she's dead," Anders explained. "Spirits don't have much use for chamber pots, do they? And you just asked a question our priests have spent ages arguing about. Personally I think it's silly to swear on the Maker's cock constantly and then pretend He didn't know how to use it."

[spin_kick_snap]

"That means that somewhere in your world is Maker/Andraste fanfiction, you know that, right?" Kathy gave Anders a devilish smile. "I dare you to send some to Cassandra."

[not_every_mage]

"Where am I supposed to get it?" Anders wondered, laughing. "I can't exactly get on my phone and go to archiveofourown dot thedas dot com."

[spin_kick_snap]

The fact that Anders knew about AO3 warmed Kathy down to her toes.

"You're constantly writing stuff," she accused. "You're telling me it's not Maker/Andraste slashfic? Well, now I'm terribly disappointed."

[not_every_mage]

"Sorry," Anders sighed, oh so deeply apologetic. "I'll find a way to work it into the next revision of my mage rights manifesto, how's that?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"You'll get more reblogs on Tumblr if you intersperse your rhetoric with explicit sex scenes, I'm just saying," Kathy pointed out. "...I'll still probably edit it for grammar, though."

[namedherblue.livejournal.com]

Well, Maura simply had to stop by this shop while she was in town. She even had a shopping list. She paused inside the door to look around for a moment before asking the young man who seemed to be working, "Excuse me, where do you keep your scrying materials?"

[not_every_mage]

It had been so long since an actual customer came in that Anders seemed vaguely startled to be asked.

"Third row over, just behind the books," he said, gesturing. "Would you like me to show you?"

[namedherblue.livejournal.com]

"If it's not too much trouble," Maura said. "Do you keep your tarot decks in that section as well?"

[not_every_mage]

"I think so," Anders confirmed, loping around the corner to guide her. "Let's look. I've always been curious -- do those work well for you? We don't use them where I'm from."