fandomtownies | Luke's, Monday

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Luke's, Monday

The cook and the dishwasher were both only wearing aprons when Eliot came into work, today.

"You guys realize that we got all the clothes back this morning, right?" he asked.

"You're in here naked all the time," said the dishwasher. "And covered in meat."

"That was one time," Eliot said. "And I'd literally just turned back human after being a wolverine for a week."

The cook shrugged. "One time, all the time, half of one, six dozen of the other."

"Get dressed," Eliot said. "Now."

Today's specials
Luke's presents: meatless Monday!
Eggplant parmesiana sandwich
Falafel sandwich with sesame mint yogurt sauce
Aaloo paratha

Luke's was open.

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At least the busboy was fully dressed. He was wearing the most godawfully eye-searing pair of hamburger print parachute pants, but he was dressed.

He'd done a perfectly good job of making due despite the clothing disappearing this weekend. It honestly mostly was just an extra reason not to leave the house all weekend.

Vic just happened to walk-in to hear the tail end of that conversation.

"Excuse me, sir?" she called out from the counter. "Are you the manager? I'm getting complaints about health code violations and naked staff members here."

"You're hilarious," Eliot said, totally deadpan. "I'm pretty sure any health code inspectors would have a heart attack just stepping onto the island."

"Especially the next time the island gets attacked by flying jalapeno peppers," Vic said as she sat down at the counter. "And are we just going all veggie today? Because I want a burger and none of that soy crap."

"We technically have got the meat," Eliot said. "But I don't want to know what the dishwasher mighta been doing to it."

Yeeeeeeeeeah. If a health inspector ever made it this far, Luke's was doomed.

"If you cook it enough, you can get rid of anything, but by that point soy might taste better."

"Ew."

Vic took a minute to let her face express her revulsion and then shuddered a moment.

"Okay. Fine. I'll just take whatever you suggest," she said once that had passed. "Just nothing involving peanuts or sugar."

"Let's do the Aaloo paratha," Eliot decided. "'S basically a spiced potato pancake. No peanuts or added sugar in sight. Still ain't over the peanut brittle, huh?"

Not that he could blame her. That was pretty weird even by Fandom standards.

"That's going to take a bit to forget," Vic said with a bit of a scowl. "Of course I missed the Alien invasion but got back in time for all my clothes to disappear. It all balances out. What have you been up to these last few months?"

"I taught a class with the pony," Eliot said. "And managed not to get anyone arrested in a third world country." And lost a student anyway because she went home to fight a damn war, but that wasn't the sort of thing you made small talk about.

"You and the pony taught a class?" Vic said with an amused expression. "Did involve you getting covered in glitter?"

C'mon. It's Pinkie.

"Actually, no." Pinkie hadn't pulled out any glitter in that class. Just funny hats and strange accents. "She did give me a nasty pony-flu, though. And I turned into a wolverine for a week."

That last bit wasn't Pinkie's fault. That Eliot could prove.

"Did the pony-flu turn you into a wolverine? I always figured you more for a honey badger myself."

~~Sure, but the mun already had a character turn into a honey badger.~~

". . . I don't think so. Parker turned into a ferret at Christmas, and she doesn't spend that much time with the pony. I think it was just a -- thing."

~~I'm sure Sam wouldn't mind~~

"Ah. Animal transformation thing," Bic nodded knowingly. "And Parker as a ferret seems appropriate. What was the pony-flu like? Did you turn pink?"

"What? No." Eliot scowled at the idea. He looked just fine in pink, but not all over. "It was just a nasty bug. Made me sneeze pretty damn hard."

On Pinkie, those sneezes could get her airborne.

Oh, Eliot. It's so fun to make you scowl. It's a very distinctive scowl.

"Sorry. I've been on the island too long. I just assume that when weird shit happens it goes to the extreme."

"Like getting suspended in peanut brittle?" Eliot asked.

He was totally going to end up making her a gift basket of peanut brittle one of these days.

Okay. That earned Eliot a scowl.

"I'm not talking about that," she said flatly. "Suspended animation sucks. Especially when your co-workers decide to keep piling all the paperwork on your desk for months as a surprise for when you get back."

Fucking Ralph.

"I'm not sure about this 'meatless Monday' thing," Tamsin said, after squinting at the specialty board for a good minute. "It's a horrible pun for a menu."

"It's barely a pun for a menu," Eliot said. "We've got meat, but the dishwasher was tryin' to use me turnin' into a wolverine as an excuse to be naked and covered in meat. So goin' vegetarian till our next shipment seemed a decent idea."

Tamsin pulled a face. "I was going to say 'convince me'," she said, "But now I guess I don't have to. Ew."

"Yeah," Eliot agreed. "I'd fire him, but around here that'd probably just guarantee he get replaced by someone even worse. We can still deep fry a damn good potato, though, if you want to make sure you ain't eatin' anything too healthy."

"I'm fine with healthy," Tamsin said. She scowled in the direction of the kitchens. "I just don't usually go vegetarian unless it comes in a glass with a stick of celery."

"We can do those, too," Eliot assured her. Luke's didn't technically have a liquor license, but it wasn't like anyone around here was checking.

Least of all the mayor. "See, this is why you're the least disappointing eating establishment in town," Tamsin said. "I keep forgetting to stop by here more often."

"We aim to please, ma'am." Eliot started mixing up the bloody mary for her. "How'd your party go on Saturday? Thought about stoppin' by, but Europop ain't really my thing."

By, like, a lot.

"It was quiet, but that was fine. I think I broke Cara." Which had been fun.

Tamsin shrugged. "And Eurovision's about a lot more than Europop," she added, "Local politics, cultural expression, dropping acid..."

Edited 2016-05-16 18:45 (UTC)

"Yeah, I got enough of at least some of those by bein' in Europe," Eliot said. Admittedly, most of his time in Europe was spent as a killer-for-hire and/or a POW. He wasn't exactly backpacking during a gap year. "How'd you break Cara?"

"You'd know if you ever watched Eurovision," Tamsin said idly, making grabby-hands for her almost-finished Bloody Mary.

"See, now I'm just glad I didn't go, again," Eliot said. He might be slowing down just a tad on the making of her drink because of those grabby hands. But he also didn't really want to risk Tamsin's wrath, so only a tad. And he slid it right over when it actually was done. "Anyone dressed up as demons, this year?"

He had actually caught at least a song or two over the years. It was as popular among European thugs and hitmen as it was with everyone else.

"Just bathing suit lady with the fire and some woman in an enormous butterfly dress," Tamsin said, narrowing her eyes at the lack of effort in drink-making going on over there. At least until it was in her hand, at which point she pulled it towards her. "It didn't get fun until Ukraine and Russia went to war." Beat. "Again."

"I'm guessin' you mean metaphorically, this time." Eliot hadn't heard anything about another Russian invasion, but he wasn't as in the loop in Kiev as he used to be.

"That remains to be seen," Tamsin said, taking a sip from her Bloody Mary. "Ukraine won, and the Russians are piiiissed."

"Ah. Yeah, that'd do it." Though, really, weren't the Russians pissed every year they didn't win? He remembered hearing about the year the bearded drag queen won and one theory was it was actually because it'd piss the Russians off extra hard. "That means Ukraine's gonna be hosting it next year, right?"

Yes, but this time Ukraine had entered and won with a song that was officially about the 1944 invasion of Crimea and was actually kinda about the 2014 invasion of Crimea.

"So that's going to be interesting," Tamsin agreed, pulling her celery out of the drink. "You should be there next year. There'll be booze."

And he was one of the least irritating people on the island.

He'd be quite flattered to hear that if she ever got around to saying it out loud.

"I could probably be convinced to make a cameo," Eliot said. "Make sure you have some good food on hand to go with that booze."

"Just don't ask me to cook," Tamsin said, pulling another face. She bit down on her celery. "Do these yokels cater," she added, nodding in the general direction of... everyone staff here that wasn't Eliot, "Or is that another food safety hazard?"

"They do with the proper guidance," Eliot said. Three guesses who that was. "They're gonna help me cater Hannibal and Jono's wedding, actually."

Under very close supervision. While they were properly dressed.

"Oh, right, that's a thing that's happening," Tamsin said. She dropped her celery back in the glass. "What is it with everyone getting married lately?"

One of these days, the lab tech will listen to me when I point to the spot where I have been repeatedly successfully stabbed for blood draws over the years. Instead of wiggling the needle around trying to find the vein a half inch to the good vein's left.

I am already having a day. And for me it has only just begun.

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Luke's, Monday

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OOC