Luke's, Thursday Afternoon

[geniuswithasmartphone]

So, many days later and the staff of the diner was still obsessed with the musical that had won all the awards. Hardison came downstairs to see Cook and the dishwasher standing back to back, with baguettes held ramrod straight in their hands. The rest of the staff called out numbers with each step. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten paces!"

At ten paces, the two...combatants? (though Hardison was certain that Eliot would just call them idiots) spun around and started ripping off pieces of their baguettes and flinging them at each other. "Lee, do you yield?" the busboy called after a particularly heavy barrage of bread ended with Cook getting pelted. "You got him in the side, yes he yields!" one of the waitstaff called back.

"Never!" Cook hollered. "You can take my life, but you will never take...MY BREADSTICKS! Come on, second!"

And suddenly the inside of Luke's was a hailtstorm of thrown foodstuffs as whatever scene they were acting out devolved into a massive food fight. Dinner rolls, breadsticks, tortillas being whipped through the air like frisbees...It was madness. Yeasty, baked madness.

Hardison just stood there for a moment, facepalming, before going to fix the Specials sign.

Today's Specials
Anything you want, just make these idiots cook something.

[No OCD!]

Comments

[imafuturist]

Which would be why Tony was promptly ducking baked goods upon opening the door. "Did I pick a bad time for lunch?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Oh thank god, someone normal!

"Could be worse," Hardison sighed. "They could be stormin' some barricades or somethin'. Any chance I can convince you that this rendition of The Battle of Yorktown is lunchtime theater entertainment?"

Beat.

"My booth is mostly outta the way of bready projectiles." Come sit with him, Tony! Where you could exchange exasperated looks together!

[imafuturist]

"Dinner theater," Tony suggested, slipping in and over to the booth to avoid the bread being hurled around. "It's in now. I think."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Except all our dinner's gonna be on the damn floor before we get a chance to eat it," Hardison sighed. "You want anythin' in particular? Maybe I can get through to this lot if they know they have an actual customer wantin' actual food."

He would threaten them with Eliot's scary-eyes if they didn't.

"'Sup, by the way? How goes arguin' with Brooklyn about people bein' wrong on the internet?"

[imafuturist]

"A burger would be great," Tony said, watching the battle with an amused grin now that he was safe from collateral damage. "Brooklyn."

Yeah, the nickname made his mouth twitch in amusenent.

"Steve's pretty stubborn, so it's ongoing. Luckily I'm pretty stubborn too."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Since Tony's order wasn't a Hot Pocket or a bowl of cereal, Hardison was going to have to get the staff involved. "Yo! Customer here wants a damn burger! You gonna make it for him or am I gonna have to tell Eliot you let a customer go hungry while playin' war games?"

The staff looked at one another and immediately scattered. Cook and the dishwasher vanished into the kitchen. The waitstaff began digging around for silverware, napkins, and glasses. And the busboy was left standing in the middle of the field, left to clean it up all by himself.

Hardison would feel worse for him except he was almost positive he'd started the whole thing.

"An' I'm guessin' the advice, 'write a bot with a script, they ain't never gonna know the difference' won't work for him?" he asked. Steve hadn't struck him as the technologically savvy sort. "Man, if I had to do my own arguin' on the internet, I'd never get anythin' else done."

[imafuturist]

Well, that worked wonders!

Tony just had to laugh at that. "I don't think it's worth the effort, honestly. Better to just change things and actually prove them wrong. Takes longer, but it's more satisfying."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Invoking Eliot was a great motivator. Hardison loved him, but the man was scary sometimes.

"¿Por qué no los dos?" Hardison asked with a grin. "Man, I've argued with people on the internet while on jobs where we were tryna change things. I find it ain't about makin' 'em change their minds, but more makin' sure they know that not everyone is just gonna roll over an' let them spew whatever garbage they want. Besides, when they're arguin' with me--" Or, rather, one of his bots because, again, time "--they ain't doxxin' folks or bein' horrible to game designers or whatever."

[imafuturist]

"Or they're being given a platform to espose their views," Tony replied. "People can have their wrong opinions all they want, that's on them. Now, when they turn it into action or encourage others to do so..."

Then Tony would calmly rip apart their digital lives. Or allow JARVIS to.

He grinned sheepishly. "This turned into a heavy conversation for a burger, didn't it?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Hardison's favorite part was burning their digital houses down and prancing through the ashes.

"True, but it's also important that folks don't stay silent around these kinda people," Hardison countered, grinning a bit. He enjoyed debating online ethics, to the surprise of probably nobody. "Or else they take silence for folks agreein' with 'em." He chuckled a bit at Tony's observation. "Well, we did start it in the middle of a battle for independence. Suppose heavy topics couldn't be helped. an' y'know, hacker. I'm online a lot. Though I agreed with your take on the argument in class. There are lotsa reasons folks might not wanna fight online an' tryna argue otherwise don't work."

[imafuturist]

"I just don't want any of the students to feel shamed if they're not in a place where they feel comfortable doing so. The world can be dangerous and Captain America isn't always there to back you up," Tony said, trailing off in intensity at the end for reasons. Reasons that were firmly repressed emotions in public spaces. But he rallied quickly after! "I know it should be better and I believe we need to strive for it--all of us--but we can never ignore the dangerous position it can place people in to speak up because we've grown used to being in a position of authority or power."

Wow. Thanks for that speech, Tony. Be more earnest about shit.

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Yo, exactly," Hardison said, nodding enthusiastically. "Just cause one person is comfortable speakin' up an' out don't mean that everyone does. Or that everyone can. An' teachin' kids that that's the way of doin' things--that'll lead to 'em burnin' out real quick even if doesn't lead to 'em gettin' hurt or scared or anything else that can happen. That's the kind of argument that folks in a position of privilege make when they don't understand."

Look at these two, debating ethics and morals and throwing words like 'privilege' and 'power' around.

Hardison gave Tony a speculative glance. This wasn't a conversation he'd ever expected to have with the other man. Not because he knew Tony, like, at all, but it wasn't one he expected to have with pretty much any rich white guy. "So, what do you do to make the world a better place?" he asked. Asked, not challenged. He was genuinely interested.

[imafuturist]

Did it help that he was no longer rich? No, probably not.

Tony huffed, glancing away at that. "Right now? Working on that. I've had a few--" He struggled for a word for a moment before settling on, "--setbacks lately that have made things difficult."

[intotheout]

Tip stopped in for a late lunch during her Post Office shift (lunches, her mom's experience assured her, were what working was really all about), still vaguely covered in charcoal dust from her latest attempts at drawing. She gave the specials menu a raised eyebrow and a sidelong look.

"Do I want to know?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Aww, hey! A newbie! Hardison gave her a bright grin.

"Depends," he said. "How much do you like food fights an' Broadway?"

[intotheout]

"I've never actually been in a food fight," Tip mused. ". . . Or to Broadway. But I guess they seem fun?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"You heard anythin' about the hip-hop musical about the Foundin' Fathers?" Hardison checked. He nodded at the staff. "They're havin' fun actin' out one of the big numbers with a food fight."

Half because they loved the musical. Half because they lived to give Hardison a difficult time, probably.

[intotheout]

"I've heard it mentioned," Tip said. "I didn't hear it had food fights, though." That didn't seem very hip hop. But -- it didn't seem entirely not hip hop, either. And who knew what the founding fathers got up to in their spare time? "Shouldn't they be, uh. Working?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Yeah, pretty sure the food fight's just their interpretation," Hardison said dryly. "An' yeah, they should, but with no customers around, they figure they got some free time."

He gave her a hopeful look. "Hungry? First meal's free for newbies."

[intotheout]

"Even when we've actually been here for more than a month?" Tip liked this guy's face. Especially when he smiled. And he hadn't proven himself to be a total adult moron, yet. . . . "I'm on break from the Post Office. Food sounds really good."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Hell naww, he wasn't a moron! He prided himself on being a genius!

"You mighta been on the island that long, but you ain't been here yet, have you?" He gave her another one of those smiles, the ones that were practically a hug. "'Sides, I have it on good authority that y'all are newbies till the next batch comes in. Which ain't till the fall, so you might as well capitalize on what you get out of it now."

[intotheout]

Well, that was going to be a little bit insufferable. Fandom was weird, sure, but it wouldn't take her the entire summer to get used to it.

Would it?

"Fine," she said. "You talked me into it. Assuming that whatever you're serving hasn't been thrown across the room."

[geniuswithasmartphone]

Yeah, say that after your first BDE, sweetheart.

"Nah, nah, they're mostly throwin' bread around. Whatever you order, they're gonna make fresh an' they're gonna bring it right to you, an' they ain't gonna get sidetracked by no shenanigans on the way, or they're gonna answer to the owner. After I see if Parker's feelin' playful in the vents."

He said that loud enough for everyone in the diner to hear. By the nervous glances they kept throwing at the vents, he was pretty sure they were listening.

[intotheout]

". . . Are you the owner?" Tip asked. He didn't seem to be doing any other work here. This place didn't really seem fancy enough for a host. Also: "Why is someone hanging out in the vents?"

[geniuswithasmartphone]

"Nah, I'm the owner's incredibly good-lookin' an' charmin' boyfriend," Hardison said with a chuckle. "I'm just here to futz around on my computer an' make the place look pretty."

And, you know, set up a series of incredibly sophisticated computer hacks for certain political campaigns, but who needed that kind of detail?

"As for the vents--that's Parker. She loves crawlin' around in 'em. She can keep an eye on everythin' in there. Plus, it's fun for her." Hardison shuddered dramatically. "Too tiny an' dusty for me, but when it makes your girl happy, you just let it go."