fandomtownies | Luke's, Thursday Afternoon

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Luke's, Thursday Afternoon

Hardison hadn't wanted to leave Eliot's today. Between his face still hurting and the massive changes that happened to the house (and the world outside of it), he'd given serious thought to grabbing his partners and having a grand tour of the safe room that Eliot was building and just not coming out until whatever this was was over. That thought was at the forefront of his mind as he made his way back to Luke's and the apartment above, in fact. He and Parker had a lot of stuff over at Eliot's already, but a packing up a few more clothes and his work laptops and The Book seemed like it could be a really smart idea, too. And also sending the staff home, or making sure they had a safe place to bunk, and maybe grabbing more Hot Pockets so he'd have a snack for when he jury-rigged something to get the power back on...

The roof of Luke's looked weird. Really weird. And after yesterday, Hardison wasn't taking any chances. So he paused, waiting for the fog to clear to give him a better view of whatever was up there...

Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't a huge sphinx to be lounging on the roof like it owned the place. And most definitely not a sphinx playing with what he was firmly telling himself were animal skulls, even as his brain tried to point out the shape of the jaws and craniums of the ones he could see. The creature yawned--or maybe just decided to show off its impressively-sized maw--and Hardison dashed for the door of the diner, flinging himself inside.

It was rundown, it was filthy, and it looked pretty barren. But it currently wasn't filled with a man-eating mythological monster and that was good enough for him.

Luke's was...open?

[AU!Kenzi modded with permission. No OCD]

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"Hmmmmmmmm," hummed a voice through the ceiling. It sounded like the kind of voice a self-satisfied cat would have: smug and curious, mean and happy. "There's a mouse. In my house. Hello, mouse! Did you come to play?"

There was a sound like sharpening blades, or maybe curving talons digging into roof slates.

For a minute, Hardison was tempted to just not answer. Maybe that would convince her to go away?

The rustling on the rooftop convinced him that was a stupid idea, though. It would probably just make her come down. "Nah," he called. "Ain't really in a playin' mood. Mostly just wanted to grab a few things an' then bail, you know? Not bother nobody."

If Eliot wanted to content ownership of the diner, he was free to do so. Hardison was just going to nope right out of that.

"You're here to steal from me?" The voice sounded delighted. "Getting in is easy. ~You can check in any time you like...~" Yeah, you know how that song goes, Hardison. "Or did you bring me something? Other than your sweet self? Gotta pay the toll, troll."

"I brought...I brought..." He quickly patted down his pockets, hoping that he could find something that the creature would want. "I got this cash register here?" he suggested, before hitting the manual open.

Empty. Dammit.

"An' maybe some other stuff?"

"Yes, but what kind of stuff?" Sharpen sharpen sharpen sharpen! "Food? I'm hungry. And I ate what was in the freezer."

Those poor penguins.

"Like...everythin' in the freezer?" Hardison asked.

He wasn't even thinking of the penguins yet. Or the polar bears. He was thinking of the sheer size of the freezer and how long it would take to devour it clean.

"It was so gooooood," Kenzi purred. Her voice and her face were just about the only things about her that hadn't completely changed. So she still sounded a bit like the person who showed up on Wednesdays and threw cereal into the air vents for Parker. "I like shiny things too. And soft things. And fun things."

Are you fun, Hardison? Are you, hunh, are you?

Right now, if asked, Hardison would swear on a stack of Bibles that he was the most boring person on Earth. Several Earths, actually.

And while the voice was nagging at him, he wasn't trying hard to figure out why it sounded familiar. He was still wrapping his brain around it coming from a giant sphinx-looking creature that exuded menace, even from several stories away. "I can look for shiny things," he said, already mentally apologizing to Parker for whatever bits of her stash he might have to fling at this creature to get away. "And soft things. I'm real good at lookin' for things."

A happy cackle dissolved into another purr. That thumping noise might have been a huge tail tapping at the roof in amusement.

"Do that. I can wait. I'm good at waiting, mousie. Smart little thing. Ooo! String! If you find string, I might let you go!"

Or she might try to keep you and the string in terrifying tandem.

"You know, I know exactly where some string is," Hardison said. "I just left it when I was headin' here. Gimme a few an' I'll be right back with enough string to shake a stick at!"

Don't oversell it Hardison, jeeze.

And that got a raspberry from the sphinx on the roof. "You sound familiar. Do I know you?" Kenzi wondered aloud. "I think I know you're lying, mousie. I think you don't want to look around my diner." Thumpy, thump. "It's a lovely diner." Redecorated and everything. "And I have an apartment! Mine, mine, mine."

Yeah, he'd definitely noticed the new decor. Was everyone in the post-apocalyptic wasteland a murder hobo? And when had that become a decor choice?

Instead of answering right away, he pulled out his phone to text Eliot. Eliot would know what to do. Eliot had probably sat down and thought about all the ways to kill one of these things before.

No bars. Fuck. Okay, back to diplomacy?

"Uhh, I sure am noticin' the diner's new look," he called. "You do this yourself?"

"Most of it," Kenzi said, sounding pleased. "Some of the Hollows did parts of it. They have good taste, even when they don't taste good."

Sharpening sound again. "I want a crystal ball. And a ball of string. And a string of lights! And some ice cream."

And a skull just went dropping by the window. "Oops."

DEFINITELY AN ANIMAL SKULL, YUP YUP.

"Well, that's, uhh, somethin' we can work towards," Hardison said. How was she supposed to get ice cream when there was no power on the island anymore? "I bet the old magic shop has a crystal ball still layin' around. And maybe some other things you were lookin' for. It ain't got food, so folks probably overlooked it when they were lootin'."

Probably. Maybe. Hopefully?

"So, err, what are hollows?" he asked, hoping to keep the conversation going long enough for someone else to come around. Preferably with a high-powered rifle. He'd played Scheherazade on the violin enough times. Now it seemed he was playing her for real.

"You don't know what a Hollow is, mousie? You are new." A thoughtful hum, and then Kenzi sing-songed her answer. "When a person isn't a person. When a memory disappears. When a body is only a body. When no-one's home inside their skin. That's what we call the hollow-kin."

Yeah, that giggle was fairly unsettling.

"They're even hungrier than me. They are terrible at conversation. And you'll be one too, someday soon."

Meow, meow, meow.

Oh great. The horrible creature was doing a singsongy rhyme at him now. Next it would be singing in a chorus of creepy children's voices and he was going to fire everything forever.

"So, if you're not a hollow, what are you?" he asked. And then, going out on a limb, he added, "...Kenzi."

"Mrrrt?" Yes, that was a very surprised sounding sphinx noise. "That's me!"

She'd remember that for an hour, maybe. Not why it was important or anything else. Just that it was another thing that was hers, to be hoarded with all her other shiny things.

"I'm Kenzi the monster, Kenzi the massacrer, Kenzi Sphinx, Kenzi-Killer, Kenzi Kenzi Kenzi!" She beamed and wriggled, tail thumping faster. "GOOD MOUSIE. You gave me my name!"

You might get to live another hour or two at this rate, Hardison.

Eliot trusted Hardison to handle himself in a normal crisis. But normal crises didn't involve murder hobos, and it didn't take very long after Hardison left for Eliot to become anxious about his safety. So he grabbed his sword -- no way did Nate have any idea this thing would be getting such a regular work out when he gave it to him -- and headed over to check things out.

Only to stop about half a block away and stare up at the sphinx on the roof of his restaurant.

"Dammit, Hardison," he muttered. "When there's a monster on the roof don't go in."

"That," Parker said in a deadpan tone, "is a very. Big. Cat."

She had her climbing rig with her, although she wasn't sure how much help it would be. Also her taser. "I'm gonna need a minute. I don't already have plans for giant kittens. I should've had one ready."

"More little mice," Kenzi said, delighted. "Did you come to play, little mice? The one inside brought me a present. What did you bring me?"

Oh hey! Maybe Eliot would get to stab something.

"How 'bout a needle?" he asked. "I hear cats hate those in their paws."

"I have some climbing spikes, and a grappling hook," Parker whispered, glad that maybe they had something specific. "...also, a whole lot of bungee cord."

So see, they *had* brought Kenzi some string.

"What are you whispering, little mice?" Kenzi called down. The sound of rolling skulls and sharpening talons drifted down to them. "Why are you here?" She hung her head over the edge of the roof, peering at them closely. "C'mere, mousie, mousie, mousie...."

That was a very distinctive sound. Eliot unsheathed his sword. "Lookin' for a friend. Don't need to have any quarrel with you."

Parker was standing at Eliot's shoulder, and trying not to shudder. "Cats. Should not tallllk." Ugh ugh wrong. Then, lower, "She has a human face." WRONG. SO WRONG. "You seen a guy come here? He better be okay, cat!"

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