JGOB, Friday morning

[livingartifact]

It was, according to Jenkins' facebook (a magical artifact that manifested tiny articles, mostly made up of lists, that only ever had to do with things Jenkins happened to care about in a particularly detached sort of way), National Donut Day.

Far be it for Jenkins to neglect to celebrate such an important national holiday.

By ordering one of each variety of donut JGOB had.

"Do crullers count as donuts?" he pondered aloud. "Well, best add one in to be sure. And the danish as well. It almost certainly doesn't count, but who can resist a danish? Ah, no. Adding in the muffins would just be absurd."

Then he carried the resulting enormous box of donuts to one of the outdoor tables on the patio to enjoy the sunshine and an amount of fried pastry that would put a lesser man — say, one who was not immortal — into hyperglycemic shock.

[open!]

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[merchant_of_miracles]

And along came two...uhh..."unicorns"*, tearing around the corner and charging for where they seemed to just instinctively know there was a box of a lot of tasty treats open to the world. They slowed down to a more dignified pace once they hit the patio, mosey ing closer to where Jenkins was sitting, looking up with their collective three pleading, innocent eyes.

______________
*Goats. They were goats. With horns on their heads, one with an eyepatch. And they were also apparently hungry.

[livingartifact]

"Yes?" Jenkins asked, dabbing glaze from the corner of his mouth with a cloth napkin. "May I help you?"

Hey, talking uni-goats would not be the strangest thing he'd seen.

[merchant_of_miracles]

The unicorns exchanged a glance with each other, then they looked plaintively back at Jenkins.

Well, at his box.

The one with the eyepatch began to wag his tail.

"Mrreehh," he said.

[livingartifact]

"I see," Jenkins said, as though that had been actually an intelligible word instead of a goat-noise. "Well, what would you have to offer in exchange?"

[merchant_of_miracles]

Unfortunately, the only things the unicorns had to offer was likely something Jenkins would not want. But they didn't understand the man, so they seemed content in just standing there, waiting, watching him eat.

They wouldn't be watching long, thoigh, as someone else came tearing around the corner, not much bigger but with more flailing limbs. "Mr. Fancycakes! Other One! Come back here!"

The Merchant of Miracles shot right past the patio, skidded to a stop, then slowly backtracked. Paused. Registered the scene, and hopped over.

"You found them! You found my prescious unicorns! Sorry about that; they've got a baaaah-d case of summer fever, if you know what I mean. Can't keep up with them, the precocious little beasts! Thry didnt, uh, eat anything of yours did they? Ruin anything? Damage something?"

[livingartifact]

"Not at all," Jenkins said. "Though I suspect they may have been working their way up to it. They're yours then, are they? I must say, I've never seen unicorns quite their like before."

Usually, when people wanted to pretend something was a unicorn, they went with a horse.

[merchant_of_miracles]

"In as much as anyone can own such majestic creatures," said the Merchant, hand over his heart, "yes, they're mine. They are truly special, one of a kind! "

Except that there were two of them.

The Merchant tilted his head as he gave the other man a look-over. Older gent, seemed to have a hefty dose of C-L-A-S-S about him, that was good, very good. He thrust oUT his hand.

"Put 'er there, friend! They call me the Merchant of Miracles! The boys aND me just swept in with the breeze to set up the old business-as-ushe at Tee-and-Cee! Nice ta meet cha! "

[livingartifact]

A tremendous amount of C-L-A-S-S, thank you very much. "Jenkins," he said, giving the offered hand a look and tipping forward very slightly from the waist instead. "What happened to that one's eye?"

[merchant_of_miracles]

Indeed! And C-L-A-S-S usually meant M-O-N-E-Y, which means Jenkins skyrocketed up to the Merchant's list of favorite people on the island. Not that there'd been much competition so far.

But, for now, he had a story to tell. "Oh," he nearly swooned, both hands covering his broken heart this time, "what a tale! That one's name is Mr. Fancycakes, and get ready to remember it, because he will truly work his way into your heart of hearts after this, my friend. He earned that garrulous wound in the efforts to save a beautiful princess from a mad fellow unicorn with a heart as black as its coat. The beast had chased the maiden down, cornered her, and prepared to charge. He stomped his hoof once, twice, three times, and then he galloped forward, prepared to gorge the poor lady. And then appeared Mr. Fancycakes, throwing himself in front of the charging monster and taking the horn straight in his pretty little peeper. Despite the wound, he continued to fight until he drove that creature off and saved the day. And now he wears his injury as a sign of his honor and daring for the sake of a fair damsel."

Was it true? It might be, but, if it was, it would be one heck of a coincidence, since the Merchant just made it up on the spot. Truth was, no one knew what Mr. Fancycakes did to his eye. He had probably just walked into a twig one day.

[livingartifact]

Ah, but what mattered truth when there was a good story to be told? Jenkins was quite literally a knight of old; if the stories of his own adventures and those of his fellows had been left strictly true the world — or at least England — would be a very different place.

"Did all that, did he," Jenkins said. He'd decided he rather liked this strange man-like creature and his uni-goats. He took a large bite of his donut in appreciation. "Well done indeed, Mr. Fancycakes."

[merchant_of_miracles]

During the telling of the story, Mr. Fancycakes had meandered underneath another table, thinking he'd found some crumbs. The Other One, however, was staring up at Jenkins in rapt attention as if he had been talking about him.

And the Merchant of Miracles puffed his little chest out with pride. "Yeah, that's our Mr. Fancycakes, already," he said. "He's a real star!

"And what's your business, Jenkins, my man? Merchant? Militant? Pastry con-nay-sewere?"

[livingartifact]

Jenkins felt a little bad for the Other One.

Not enough to share a donut with it, though.

"Caretaker," Jenkins said, with a nod and a complete lack of context or explanation. "Also, I'm running the Magic Box here in town."

[merchant_of_miracles]

Don't feel bad for Other One, Jenkins. He knows what he did.

The Merchant might have been more interested in the Caretaker bit if it threatened potential profits, but it didn't seem to, so he just focused on the important potential competition bits.

"Magic Box, eh?" he stroked his chin, then pointed as he took his guess. "Wands, capes, crystals, mostly of an enchanted nature? The occasional cursed artifact, bottomless bag, magic mirror? A haberdashery hare in an old top hat? How close am I?"

[livingartifact]

"Reasonably so," Jenkins said. "Rather more amulets than capes, and I haven't yet encountered an entire hare on the premises."

The giant rabbit had been outside, after all.

[merchant_of_miracles]

"Good, good," the Merchant of Miracles bobbed his head. Not too much competition there; maybe he could capitalize on that open cape market, then, too. "Shame, though. A good hare is hard to find."

Said with a rueful pat on the top of his turban.

[livingartifact]

"Are they?" Jenkins asked. "There seemed to be an overabundance on this island not too long ago. Extremely large ones. Though I did gather that that was something of a special event."

What with going into the underreaches of the island to try and fix it and all.

[merchant_of_miracles]

"How large we talkin' here?" the Merchant asked, even though his perception of large was pretty skewed. "Me sized? You sized? Ogre sized? Troll size? Don't tell me building size, or else I'm sure we'd still be seein' evidence of that scattered around. I'm afraid I missed that. I've only been in town a few weeks, I'm afraid."

[livingartifact]

Jenkins shuddered slightly. "There have been fortunately very few trolls or troll-sized things that I've seen in town," he said. "These ranged from slightly-larger-than-any-other-rabbit to slightly-larger-than-a-horse for the most part, though there were four that rivaled the local architecture. Those were, for the most part, stationary. Simply stomped about a bit and caused tremors."

[merchant_of_miracles]

"How'd ya end up gettin' rid of 'em?" the Merchant asked. "You know, I knew a guy who's great with rats. Don't let him watch yer kids, though."

[livingartifact]

Jenkins waved a hand dismissively. "Oh something about rebooting the thing. Closing and reopening all the windows. You know how old machinery can get."