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Luke's Diner

There were no notes at the radio station this morning, so Hardison stopped at the diner a little earlier than usual. And, hey, they had an omelette station set up. Who was he to say no to that? Sure, he had to argue with the Cook about whether or not he just wanted egg whites (he did not) and whether or not he wanted cheese and bacon (he did), but eventually he settled down with a giant omelette and a side of bacon and hashbrowns.

And promptly smothered the whole thing in ketchup, prompting howls of rage from the omelette station.

Hardison didn't care; this breakfast was awesome!

Today's Special's
Omelette Bar
Fresh-Squeezed Orange Juice
Bacon, Turkey Bacon, Fakin', Sausage
Hashbrowns
No Ketchup

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You do you, friend.

Don't judge his ketchupy ways!

"Wow, is that an entire bottle of ketchup?" Deal with some judgement there, Hardison.

"It's helpin' me prevent scurvy," Hardison said, giving Tony a knowing smirk. "Can you say that about your coffee addiction?"

"That is a medical condition." Where he might turn to supervilliany if he wasn't properly caffeinated.

"Man, I keep tellin' you, the A in your blood type ain't supposed to stand for 'Arabica'," Hardison snorted. Not that he had any actual idea what Tony's bloodtype was. "How many cups you already have this mornin'?"

"One or two." It counted as one if it for in a trenta cup, right? "I once ate instant coffee grounds the week I was defending my first thesis, so it's a step up."

So much was explained with that.

"Yo, I meant cups as in the actual measurement, not how many buckets," Hardison said laughing. "Also, I am completely unsurprised to hear that you ate coffee grounds. The only thing I'm questioning is your claim that you only did that once."

He gestured for Tony to join him in the booth. Honestly, if they were going to snark at each other, they might as well be comfortable.

"I was young and reckless, but I've matured as a person since then," Tony assured him, slipping into the seat. "Scouts honor."

"Which I'm takin' to mean that you've learned to make sure you ain't never that low on brewed coffee again," Hardison guessed. "Probably tasked JARVIS to make sure all coffee reserves are full."

"J was the program I was presenting that time." And then turned mother-hen rather than Skynet because he was so pathetic undoubtedly.

Everyone who survived the AI war that didn't happen owed a debt of gratitude to Tony's various and sundry issues.

"How fast did they hand over that degree?" Hardison asked. "Man, how many degrees do you even have?"

Just look sad and lonely and the great robot uprising will be averted.

Well. Not Ultron. But Ultron was basically Hank Pym's psychotic break made manifest.

"Uh, six?" He nodded to confirm it. "Six. Shut people up that I was riding my father's coat tails."

"An' I never even went to college until we were pullin' a con on a frat," Hardison said, shaking his head. "Makin' me look bad."

Tony had to laugh at that. "I mostly went to show I could do it. And I got to meet Rhodey there. He's the best."

And he would fight anyone who claimed otherwise.

Honestly, Sam and Rhodey just needed to have their own movie. It would be awesome. Hardison would cameo.

"You know, I can absolutely see you doin' that," he said, laughing hard. "Goin' to school, gettin' six degrees, all just to turn around an' flip folks off an' say 'Told you so.'"

10/10, would recommend.

"It was pretty fun to have more degrees than some professors by the end," he admitted. But he also lived in a world where he was not the smartest man in the room half the time.

Thanks Reed. And T'Challa. Sometimes Doom. Occasionally Hank on certain topics.

Yeah. Hardison'd had to do some adjusting like that of his own once he'd gotten to Fandom. He was used to not being the most educated man in the room, but he'd always been pretty close to being the smartest.

Of course, his world didn't have any Reed Richards in it. Thank god.

"These days, when I need a degree for somethin', I just make one," Hardison admitted with a shrug. "Of course, most of the time I'm usin' a fake name anyway, so..."

Reed was the wooorst.

"You can use mine if you want. I think I have them in a box somewhere..."

Wow, way to appreciate the education, Tones.

"I might, actually," Hardison said. "Just to have a reference for degrees handed out...how long ago was this?"

"I was eighteen when I left MIT," he said, making a face at how old he felt now.

"That reminds me," Hardison said innocently. "I should start makin' plans for my birthday this summer. The big three-oh needs a hell of a party, naw mean?"

"I will throw a salt shaker at you," Tony informed him dryly. Because he wouldn't risk his precious coffee. "Children."

Steve was bad enough, okay? So was Jan.

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," Hardison said with the wide-eyed look of innocence that no innocent had ever truly worn. "I just figured that as my friend, you'd wanna come to my birthday party!"

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OOC