Luke's, Monday

[vdistinctive]

So the new air conditioning was finally due to be installed today. Which was good, because the dishwasher had apparently hatched some sort of "clever plan" to make his own involving yesterday's leftover pancakes.

"I don't -- how do you even -- There's no --"

Once Eliot finished his apoplectic attempts at completing even a single sentence, he banished the dishwasher into the freezer by telling him they needed moose jerky.

How was this even his life.

Today's specials
Roasted vegetable pizza with ghost pepper sauce
Ghost pepper salsa with homemade tortilla chips
Ghost pepper raspberry sorbet

Luke's was open and OCD free.

Comments

[uncertain_dume]

"So, what is a ghost pepper and how much will I regret putting one in my mouth if I order something with that in the name?"

Hey, Eliot. Weren't you glad Kanan wasn't teaching on Mondays this semester? He was mostly swinging by to see if there was anything he hadn't seen yesterday that needed hammering or hefting around, but was just as happy to sit and eat and pester.

[vdistinctive]

"Depends," Eliot said, giving Kanan a once over. "How are you with spicy food?"

And how much of a masochist was he?

[uncertain_dume]

"I can take or leave it," he offered, tilting his head thoughtfully. "This one's got some kick, does it?"

He'd eaten spiced mynock before mostly just because the alternative was starving to death. That didn't mean he enjoyed it, but it did mean he was curious.

[vdistinctive]

And just like that, Eliot found himself at a moral quandary, the likes of which he wouldn't have concerned himself with in his pre-Leverage days. On the one hand, not giving someone proper warning about the food they were consuming was a next level dick move.

On the other, it was really funny.

"Most people don't bother with this one unless they're really into spicy food," he said carefully. "It's kind of a delicacy."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan was now squinting all the more. He was vaguely suspicious.

He was also a stupid twenty-something who had his pride to consider. Somewhere within the Force, Master Billaba was facepalming at him.

"Okay, so it's a sometimes food. If it's a delicacy, I'm not likely to see it pop up on the menu often, right? Better try it while the getting is good."

Kanan. Honey. Stop. No.

[vdistinctive]

"Only reason we busted it out today is 'cause we're finally gettin' the A/C fixed." And hot food made you sweat which made you feel cooler. And it got the busboy to stop eyeing the dishwasher's weird pancake project. "You . . . do probably wanna start small, though. Try the chips."

See? Eliot didn't just hand Kanan a raw pepper and tell him to go to town. HE WAS A GOOD PERSON.

[uncertain_dume]

Eliot wasn't true evil incarnate! Kanan would be eternally grateful for that in about ten minutes, when he was clearing Luke's out of their entire supply of milk.

"Sure, I'll try the chips," he said easily. "What, not the sorbet?"

He was a sucker for berries. Don't let him ruin that for himself, Eliot.

[vdistinctive]

"The chips are more, uh, traditional." And the minimal salt and fat content on the chip itself might help mitigate the pending disaster just a little.

Eliot grabbed a bowl of the salsa and a basket of chips and put them on the counter in front of Kanan. "You want a milkshake or something with that?"

The answer to that was yes. Kanan just might not know it yet.

[uncertain_dume]

"Sounds like a hell of a lunch," Kanan mused. "Chips and a milkshake? Sure. Let's go chocolate."

At least chocolate went well with spicy doom and regret, right?

[vdistinctive]

Chocolate was basically made for spicy doom and regret.

"Comin' right up," Eliot said, and was glad that the milkshake machine was at the lunch counter, so he could put the milkshake together and keep an eye on Kanan so as not to accidentally miss the show.

[uncertain_dume]

And Kanan... Kanan knew better, so help him. There was just something about the way that entire conversation had gone that was pretty much flinging red flags up all over the place.

Which was probably all the more reason for him to grab a chip, load it up, and pop that sucker right into his mouth.

And chew.

Okay. That wasn't so bad. Actually, it was pretty good. Really, it was--

"Ah."

...

"Aaahah."

It was a mistake. Everything in his life that had led him to this very moment had been a mistake.

[vdistinctive]

Eliot set the milkshake in front of Kanan and made a token effort to contain his smirk.

And then stopped doing even that much.

[uncertain_dume]

Anybody who had been paying any amount of attention might have noticed that Kanan didn't so much reach for the milkshake as the milkshake made a leap toward Kanan's outstretched hand. He was still going for 'nonchalant' here, but that was a difficult prospect when turning that particular shade of red.

He'd have something to say beyond a few more variations on "Aaaaaaaah" in just a moment. Really. First he had to convince his mouth not to detach itself from his face and make a run for the freezer.

[vdistinctive]

Eliot added a stack of napkins for any eyes-and-sinuses-turning-to-goo action that might happen and had the good grace to start feeling slightly bad for not warning Kanan better.

But only slightly.

[uncertain_dume]

So, there wasn't enough milkshake in the world.

And, you know the great thing about drinking cold stuff really fast?

"I hate you so much right now," Kanan shared, somewhere between reaching for the napkins and doubling over with a hand to the side of his head in protest of the brainfreeze that smacked him right out of nowhere. "So much, Eliot."

He'd really brought this upon himself.

[vdistinctive]

"Man, Earth humans eat poison fish as a delicacy," Eliot pointed out. "We're a bunch of masochistic assholes. Never eat something you don't really know about just 'cause it's a delicacy."

[uncertain_dume]

"Hnnnghn," Kanan said, completely coherently, somewhere around the point he was leaning forward to kind of just... rest his head on the counter. Where he was hoping he could just quietly die. "Earth humans are idiots and so am I."

At least he was gonna own that one.

[vdistinctive]

Eliot reached over to pat Kanan reassuringly on the back of his head. "Lemme get you another milkshake."

[uncertain_dume]

"Make it two," Kanan muttered. "And pack the rest of that dip stuff to go. Hera needs to try that."

That wasn't actually as sadistic as it sounded, honest.

[vdistinctive]

"Can do," Eliot said cheerfully. "Wanna know what's even better?" Better, in this case, being a term which meant 'more insane'. "Ghost pepper's a hybrid. We made it like that on purpose."

[uncertain_dume]

"Please tell em you made that intending for it to be some kind of biological weapon, or maybe to run your vehicles on, and not because you actually enjoy that much pain?"

Stop sounding so desperate, Jarrus.

[vdistinctive]

"Hey man, I did warn you that it was really only for people really into spicy food." Yes, Eliot, you managed to give him that tiny little bit of a warning. Good job. "It is, uh, used for military grade pepper spray, though."

[uncertain_dume]

The phrase, "tuft-sucking son of a Hutt," might have exited Kanan's mouth right about then. He meant it affectionately. And maliciously. The two sentiments were indeed able to coexist.

"So," he said, sitting up again and making another grab for the napkins, "this is what people use when they're really serious about their suffering."

[vdistinctive]

"I think it's supposed to be a macho, manly kind of thing."

Note that Eliot was not eating the salsa.

[uncertain_dume]

"It's a Twi'lek thing," Kanan muttered. "I refuse to believe that this was intended for human consumption."

Flat-out refused. Period.