The Park, Friday Afternoon

[uncertain_dume]

Another Friday, another training session in the park. And if there were more people on the island than usual today, Kanan really wasn't thinking much of it. After the summer the island had had? For all he knew, they could be here to deal with insurance claims or something.

Yes, he was aware that was an uncharacteristically optimistic way of thinking about it, but really, he just wanted to run lightsaber forms in the park without thinking too hard about who might stop by to spectate.

... And if he was running through his most familiar Form III patterns, well, it was because he was still well aware that someone might stop by to spectate.

So.

[OOC: This is going to be my only post today and I'll be catching sporadic phone ping replies but Friday In The Park is tradition now dammit. Open, if slow!]

Comments

[thatwaslucky]

Rey was still processing yesterday's meeting, so she was a little subdued today when she got to the park, and took a seat in the grass to watch until Kanan was done.

It was still kinda funny to think she used to do this out of fangirl curiosity and now she was watching for entirely different reasons.

[uncertain_dume]

... And step, and turn, and straighten up, and...

Kanan looked up from what he was doing and offered Rey a nod and a little smile as he shut off his blade and clipped it to his belt.

"Afternoon, Rey."

... It was still nice to be able to say that in person.

[thatwaslucky]

"Hi," she said, smiling back. "You're back to your usual today."

[uncertain_dume]

"Even the old and familiar gets rusty if you don't use it," Kanan replied, smiling and shrugging. "I'm not about to let that happen again if I can help it."

[thatwaslucky]

"Between here and home, I can't blame you," Rey agreed. "How are you doing today?"

[uncertain_dume]

"No complaints yet," Kanan offered. "It's been quiet. I'm actually at a point in my life where I can almost appreciate the quiet again. And you?"

[thatwaslucky]

"This week has been all over," Rey admitted.

And it was still new to be in a weird headspace and not just have to repress it.

[uncertain_dume]

"Well, that sounds... complicated," Kanan noted. "Do you want to talk about any of it? Get it off your chest at all?"

[thatwaslucky]

Most of it wasn't a big deal. Things she'd gotten frustrated or excited about in the moment, and then yesterday had thrown her for a total loop, and she'd had to really think about what she'd told people already to know what she could and couldn't say about it. She didn't think she'd give away anything too personal about anyone else.

"Luke's here," she said. "A younger, different version of him."

[uncertain_dume]

"Luke," Kanan echoed, then he paused a moment. Then his mouth formed a silent 'o' and he blinked.

Right.

"That... had to be an... interesting? Encounter." A beat. "Are you okay?"

[thatwaslucky]

"Yeah," she said, shaking that off with a shrug. "It's just... weird."

Oh honey, just wait.

"Like a view of how things should have been different."

[uncertain_dume]

"I kind of know that feeling," Kanan offered. "Seeing people alive and well, following a different path, one you wish they could have followed when you were there to see it?"

Fandom had kind of been his personal hell for that.

[thatwaslucky]

Rey nodded. "Everyone deserved better."

She figured that went for Kanan's time, too.

[uncertain_dume]

"Everyone deserved better," Kanan agreed, quietly. "I still haven't decided if it's easier knowing that somewhere, for somebody, it maybe could have been."

He didn't begrudge anybody their 'better,' not really. But that didn't make it easy to see. Not when he could still close his eyes and watch the Jedi he'd known burn.

[thatwaslucky]

"It is." Having heard about what Ben Skywalker's life was like, especially, had made her glad to know it wasn't terrible everywhere. "It also makes me feel worse for what happened in my time. I'd really hoped I'd be able to give some people at least a little bit of not terrible."

[uncertain_dume]

It took effort to not let a sort of quiet melancholy seep into his expression, but Kanan set his jaw and nodded his understanding.

He knew that feeling, too.

"It might be too late to change what was," he noted. "To make things better for those who came before. But you're still alive, Rey. And you have heart and courage and the will to go on. You can still leave the galaxy a better place than you found it, make it a place where the people who come after can find happiness and peace. It's still not too late for that."

[thatwaslucky]

"It's part of why I'm here," Rey said with a rueful little smile.

[uncertain_dume]

Really, it was better than Kanan's reason for being here. He nodded anyway.

"Then you haven't failed," he replied. "It's just a work in progress. I have faith that you'll get there. See how far you've come already."

[thatwaslucky]

"Thanks," she said. "I'm okay. It's just a lot to think about, and I don't think it does me any good to do that."

[uncertain_dume]

"A little thinking is a good thing," Kanan noted. "Doubting or obsessing, those won't do you any favors, though."

[thatwaslucky]

"Don't you need some doubt, though?" Rey wondered.

She had accidentally set the guy she'd been trying to save up to become the real big bad. She definitely doubted some things.

[uncertain_dume]

"No," Kanan replied, shaking his head. "Not doubt. The ability to think critically, maybe. The ability to not let emotion cloud your judgement. And the ability to know the difference between those things."

[thatwaslucky]

Rey paused.

"So what's the difference between those things?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Generally?" Kanan smiled wryly. "It's the difference between 'I can't' and 'I shouldn't.'"

[thatwaslucky]

"Okay, when you put it that way, it sounds easy," Rey admitted.

[uncertain_dume]

"Doesn't it?" Kanan gave a soft chuckle and shook his head. "But that difference still trips me up. And has for years. It's not as simple as it sounds, I'll be the first to admit to that."

[thatwaslucky]

"One of those things that sounds good until you put it into practice?" she guessed. "So you just... don't let the doubt stop you, then?"

[uncertain_dume]

"I did," Kanan replied. "For a long, long time, I did. I'm only now coming out the other side of that. I can't let that happen again. Can't afford to."

... Just wait until he met Maul.

[thatwaslucky]

Rey nodded. "I feel like I'd feel differently about things if I could afford to overthink it."

And she probably still was. But when Leia told you that you were hope, you kept going.

[uncertain_dume]

"If you ever get caught in that tangle of thoughts, you know I'm here to talk it out," Kanan offered. "I might not always be the best at sorting out my own messes, but at least my stupid mistakes give me great experience so I can warn other people away from making the same ones."

[thatwaslucky]

"You teach and get to be a therapist," Rey said, just a little teasingly. She appreciated the hell out of it, though.

[uncertain_dume]

"Neither of which are directions I'd ever figured I'd be taking in life," Kanan admitted, smiling wryly. "But I guess now that I'm doing it, I better do it well, right?"

[thatwaslucky]

"You're off to a good start," Rey told him. Because she should probably tell him.

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan... actually kind of blinked a little at that. And then just kinda settled into a small smile.

"Well. Then I'm going to have to keep that up."

Because it would be a long while before he stopped worrying about that, too.